Any insight or even a simple "I felt that way too for awhile" would be helpful to me today.
A few years ago, my mom had a psychotic episode in front of me and my children and stormed off saying she never wanted to see us again and we were dead to her. She went from calling me four times a day and coming over regularly to complete radio silence. The change was so drastic that I remember feeling like an orphan.
The thing I didn't realize was that I had been an orphan all along. It took a very long time for me to get my mind around the reality of her BPD and its consequences on me and my family.
I felt a great deal of guilt and anxiety. I felt rootless. But for the first time, I had the opportunity to see and feel things for myself. As painful as it was, it was also one of the best things that had ever happened to me. With the noise of my mom's constant needfulness verbal abuse gone, I could hear myself think. Over time, the loneliness and sense of loss turned into a sense of freedom and inner peace. It's still a work in progress and I do struggle with guilt and sadness.
I am lc with my mom. She did start to seek that close relationship again after that incident but I was the one who steered clear of the enmeshment. I never want to go back to that.
I remember having the same thought about addiction and cold turkey at the time. It will be that way but a new reality will eventually set in.