I had to block my mother today

[unicorn2014]

I am heart broken. I had called my mother yesterday to tell her that I was taking my daughter to the museum for mother's day and offered to meet her for lunch afterwards. Her response was to call me and leave me an extremely visceral voicemail that i couldn't listen to. She also sent me numerous abusive texts. I had to delete those and block her. I am in a state of shock. I've had to temporarily block other people before even my father but never my mother. She was making all kinds of false accusations against me such as gossiping about her on Facebook which I have never done. Its the day before Mother's Day, I'm healing from a surgical extraction and all my mother can do is talk about how abusive I was to her, how lazy I am, how wrongly I treated her. I'm going to keep looking for a therapist. I have an appointment with a social worker next month but I'm going to try to get another therapist to do EMDR again. I did not foresee things would come to this point.

[Amelia]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I also had to block my mother recently and on the one hand it was hard, but on the other hand, I am no longer wondering if the phone will ring with a call from her or if a text message will arrive to send me into a panic or if she'll tag me eight times overnight on Facebook posts she expects me to reply to as soon as I'm awake.

Maybe you will begin to enjoy some of the peace that comes with this technological distance. It's not easy.

[Please help]

I am 42 and went NC at 17/18. It has taken it's toll on me as I do not have a past. There are no memories with blood family to share, etc. Either I am psycho and cut everyone off or they are psycho and abandoned me when I was a kid. No one ever looked for me. No phone calls or letters asking if everything is okay. My M told people I was a violent criminal and she is applying tough love. My F blamed me for him and his ex wife becoming crack addicts. His ex wife said the stress of having me around lead them to a life of dealing drugs and getting high all day. i lived with them from 14-17/18. I tried to point out to my F I could not have caused it but he is such a weak man he believed ex wife.



It hurts but it's hurts less than being in their craziness.

[Turkish]

I'm sorry unicorn, that is horrible.

I hope you have a good mother's day with your daughter all the same. 

[Starting_Over]

No contact is a hard situation, and it can bring up a lot of toxicity from various family members. I think the thing to remember is that you are the only person who will make your well being the top priority, so if you feel the need to take some time away then you should.

That is great that you are looking into EMDR again. Have you ever done any guided meditation? When I started meditating in between sessions I found that I am more aware of the physical processing during the EMDR sessions.

[unicorn2014]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I also had to block my mother recently and on the one hand it was hard, but on the other hand, I am no longer wondering if the phone will ring with a call from her or if a text message will arrive to send me into a panic or if she'll tag me eight times overnight on Facebook posts she expects me to reply to as soon as I'm awake.

Maybe you will begin to enjoy some of the peace that comes with this technological distance. It's not easy.

Thank you Amelia, I wish my mom paid  attention to me. No she went ballistic on me because my boyfriend told my father about my ptsd and my father told my mother. My father is trying to come to terms with my ptsd and my mother is denying it exists. My mother accused me of spreading rumors about her on Facebook and in my meetings and told me I was the one who abused her and then listed all my sins from my youth. After I politely asked her to stop she wouldn't so I told her I would have to block her next and I did. It was scary. She started getting religious on me. I'd never seen her so insane.

[unicorn2014]

I am 42 and went NC at 17/18. It has taken it's toll on me as I do not have a past. There are no memories with blood family to share, etc. Either I am psycho and cut everyone off or they are psycho and abandoned me when I was a kid. No one ever looked for me. No phone calls or letters asking if everything is okay. My M told people I was a violent criminal and she is applying tough love. My F blamed me for him and his ex wife becoming crack addicts. His ex wife said the stress of having me around lead them to a life of dealing drugs and getting high all day. i lived with them from 14-17/18. I tried to point out to my F I could not have caused it but he is such a weak man he believed ex wife.



It hurts but it's hurts less than being in their craziness.

That is extreme please help and I appreciate you sharing your story. I've been angry with my mother before but I've never had to block her text messages and phone calls on my phone before. This is all stemming from the probate case she compelled my father to initiate on behalf of my brother and I. That resulted in my losing a part  of my income and when I pointed this out to my dad she went ballistic on me.

[unicorn2014]

I'm sorry unicorn, that is horrible.

I hope you have a good mother's day with your daughter all the same. 

Thank you Turkish, I'm planning on taking her to the museum if I'm up to it. I got a tooth pulled Friday so its a bit sore but it should be fine. 

[unicorn2014]

No contact is a hard situation, and it can bring up a lot of toxicity from various family members. I think the thing to remember is that you are the only person who will make your well being the top priority, so if you feel the need to take some time away then you should.

That is great that you are looking into EMDR again. Have you ever done any guided meditation? When I started meditating in between sessions I found that I am more aware of the physical processing during the EMDR sessions.

I couldn't do EMDR because I didn't have the resources necessary. I'm a bit hesitant about going down that road again. DBT was successful for me. I have done guided meditations before. I think right now I really need to separate myself from my mother, my father and anyone else who is critical of me.

[Turkish]

Do you find it difficult to take criticism due to your parents? Do you stuggle differentiating constructive criticism from that which is projected? I do. My Ex came over last night because she forgt to pack D4's ballet stuff. Right away, it was "les go inside, it's cold. Why aren't you guys wearing socks like you do at my house? Why aren't you wearing pants, D4, and no shirt, S66" I had her taste some chicken that the kids didn't like. I wanted to show S6 that it was ok. She thought it was ok, but proceeded to tell me how to put it together with condiments (which the kids don't like). I told her that i ate it that way, like street tacos, with cilantro, onions, and avocado, but the kids dont touch it that way. I felt myself bristle, and got her out quickly.

My mom would criticize me sometimes about the kids when she was living with me, and I felt like asking her, "so should I just slap them around like you did to me?"

I can digest constructive criticism, or advice. Do you have trouble differentiating?

[unicorn2014]

Hi Turkish - my mother's criticism was very destructive . I've read that pwBPD say there are giving constructive criticism when they are not. I'll think about this.