6 months out finding peace

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Finding peace through prayer, acceptance and forgiveness.

In regards to closure, saw her 5 weeks ago & got assaulted again. Found this online... .sums it up nicely. "getting closure is an useless attempt because she will end up making you feel worse about the whole thing all over again. The only closure that you need to know is that this woman has a diseased mind that is making her act the way she is. You should be thankful that you are out of a relatonship on your way to recovery from this horrible experience"

Seems to me its not personal, were just objects. Hard to accept but once i took off the rose colored glasses and see things for what they were, rather than what i wished they were... .

[virtus]

Finding peace through prayer, acceptance and forgiveness.

In regards to closure, saw her 5 weeks ago & got assaulted again. Found this online... .sums it up nicely. "getting closure is an useless attempt because she will end up making you feel worse about the whole thing all over again. The only closure that you need to know is that this woman has a diseased mind that is making her act the way she is. You should be thankful that you are out of a relatonship on your way to recovery from this horrible experience"

Seems to me its not personal, were just objects. Hard to accept but once i took off the rose colored glasses and see things for what they were, rather than what i wished they were... .

[Phoenix41]

Hi Virtus.

This is my first reply. I am nowhere near your 6 month milestone. It's a month today for me. Today was esp bad. Crying. Angry. Screaming in frustration.

Peace is I'm sure a daily struggle. It takes strength and a daily decision to move forward instead of backward into emotional quicksand. I am having the hardest time I am finding with forgiving myself, focusing only on my culpability and not my partners. I like the way you mentioned the rose colored glasses... I think it must be harder to let go of what wasn't real at times than what was, because when it's not real you keep with the magical thinking that something you could have done would change things- so you beat yourself up twofold not just for what was but for what you thought it could have been.

How could it ever be easy to accept that you were perhaps not truly ever seen. Or accept the reality of what it was when your brain was being subjected to abuse and intermittent emotional hijackings. I don't know the length of your relationship or the intricate details but hope that you can find peace wherever you can. Closure doesn't always happen in so called normal relationships, let alone BPD ones.

I think these types of relationships take longer to heal from because you can't really truly understand an irrational situation, so your brain gets stuck in thought loops trying to process it out. You are trying to make sense and get closure when no sense is there to be found.

I used to block out my Exs angry tirades cutting comments and silent treatment. I don't have to do that anymore but it was a role I played. Trying to find some healthier roles. You deserve more than being assaulted. You deserve to be treated well, with RESPECT and LOVE. I lost sight of that during my relationship. Perhaps you did too. Your focus is so much on them keeping them calm trying to avoid outbursts trying always to understand that large parts of you get damaged. You forget about your needs. Verbal and physical abuse affect the brain.


Thank you for giving me hope for healing.

[FannyB]

Hi Virtus

My own personal experience is that it took as long as the relationship lasted to really get over it and properly detach. PwBPD burrow in so deep and really touch the depths of our being - and you don't get over that kind of bond overnight. Keep reading and posting and busying yourself with things that make you happy. You know that your ex isn't the key to your future happiness - no emotionally unstable person can adequately fulfill that role - so focus on improving your life without her in it.


Fanny