Living with PTSD

[love4meNOTu]

Thanks I've been getting medical  support all along. I think my body changed and I need to lower my dose of medication. I think the stress of full time caregiving coupled with issues in my FOO have changed my body chemistry. That is my hunch, however I could be wrong. I actually think I'm healing, I got 2 jobs in 1 week so maybe I need a lower dose. I do not know. I am also getting out of a toxic relationship so are good things happening. On the other hand I have been so sensitive lately! ... .

I know how hard it is to heal from a bad breakup, my ex w/ BPD traumatized all of us, even my boys (18 and 21 now).

I literally focused on them, and their healing, it still makes me so upset to think that I brought that chaos into their lives. I hope someday they forgive me for that. It's been a couple of years already and our relationship has changed, they don't trust me like they used to. Who could blame them?

That's my burden, and I hope everyday they come to forgive me. Our home was so happy before I became involved with that man and married him. Makes my skin crawl to think of it now, how stupidly trusting I was.

Anyhow, what I wanted to say was I think it's great you are doing something special for your daughter on her 16th birthday. What a blessing to be able to keep busy and really make her day special. I think we focus so much on ourselves and our pain, that we forget to make a day really about them, you know? Everyone needs that.

Take care of yourself Unicorn, and that lovely girl on her birthday.

L

[unicorn2014]

Thank you so much. It was actually my mothers idea to throw her a party. I wanted to but lacked the resources. It's in October.

I think I am getting better. I was able to cut my medication in half. I got two jobs in one week. My daughter and I are getting along great! I've made amends with my whole family except for my brothers girlfriend. I'm not sleeping though but I've been taking care of my daughter for 13 days while she is recovering from surgery. I thought she was going to work yesterday so I could sleep but she couldn't get her work permit signed so she wasn't able to. She's going to try again today and if she succeeds then I will finally be able to get some sleep while she's at work!

[unicorn2014]

Now I've been diagnosed with lightheadedness and emotional stress. I looked it up and I've been diagnosed with emotional shock! It's causing physical sensations!  That's a first. I had my first EKG today. Tomorrow I do fasting blood work with an additional test to check my thyroid. My EKG and heart were totally normal.

This is insane!

It looks like the PTSD is gone? I'll let you know next month. But emotional stress? Great! My emotions are causing all these physical sensations? What the heck!

My doctor agreed I was feeling my feelings for the first time in my life!

Oh my goodness!

Am I healing?

I actually feel insanely great!

My mood disorder is gone!

Maybe this board forced me into healing?

If so, thank you!

I am
A success story on the coping board? I hope so!

[Kwamina]

Hi unicorn2014,

Based on your recent posts it is clear that you have been dealing with a lot of stress and sometimes rapidly shifting emotions.

I think it is good that you are reaching out to your support network to help you sort out what's going on with you. You mentioned going to see your primary care doctor and having an appointment at a stress management class.

Now I've been diagnosed with lightheadedness and emotional stress. I looked it up and I've been diagnosed with emotional shock! It's causing physical sensations!  That's a first.
... .
It looks like the PTSD is gone? I'll let you know next month. But emotional stress? Great! My emotions are causing all these physical sensations? What the heck!

You have recently talked about an ACA relapse, PTSD and now are hoping your PTSD is gone.

PTSD is quite a serious disorder and something that often requires professional help. Emotional stress actually is a part of PTSD, I know you also know this very well. Your doctor says you are feeling your feelings for the first time. You also posted about not sleeping well. Experiencing these intense feelings combined with the lack of sleep can potentially cloud your judgement. I hope you will be able to get some rest soon and continue to receive support to help you cope with these intense emotions and the emotional stress you are experiencing.

PTSD is a difficult disorder and unfortunately not something that just goes away. Through therapy and medication the symptoms can be managed though. It would be great indeed if your PTSD was gone and I truly hope you are healing. I however do want to encourage you to take it slow and really get some rest.

[unicorn2014]

Thanks. I've been treating my PTSD for 10 years! I suspect when I see my nurse I will still have PTSD. I will let the board know. I actually spoke to my doctor about a performance anxiety drug for an upcoming challenge. I also asked to see my nurse before that event if at all possible. I'm going to try to put my nightgown on at 4 today to rest up for tomorrow's blood work IF my daughter goes back to work this afternoon.

I've had PTSD for 10 years.

My doctor actually prescribed daily mindfulness practice for my lightheadedness and emotional stress!  I am so glad I had 3 rounds of DBT! It is not just for BPD sufferers. It is for children of BPD sufferers who have PTSD as a result of their parents disorder!

[unicorn2014]

Hi everyone, update here, just looked at my bio-reference lab e-requisition and I see a code for dizziness and giddiness, which is lightheadedness or vertigo not otherwise specified, so this insanely great (a term I took from my mood journal) might not be insanely great.

I have never been diagnosed with emotional shock and stress before, it is a different diagnosis then ptsd however I suspect when I see my nurse I will still have ptsd.

I appreciate this board reminding me that ptsd is a serious disorder. I thought after 8 years of CBT, 3 years of DBT and 10 years of medication I would not have it anymore but that might not be the case. I know why my ptsd is being triggered, because of the family crisis. I think my mother is trying to put the family back together by hosting a birthday party for my daughter so I think I will let her do that. I think that will be the key to me forgiving her. The fact that I can even say that I think she is trying to put the family back together indicates to me I am trying to forgive her.

I told her my brother's girlfriend told me never to speak to her again and my mother said my brother's girlfriend would come around. My mother wants to invite my cousin, my brother and his family, etc to the party. My family has not had a happy get together in a year. Thanksgiving was right after my grandmother died so that was not a happy event. I think my family could really use some joy so if my mother wants to try to orchestrate that I think I will let her.

Meanwhile I am going to focus on healing myself and my daughter. She got her MRI scheduled after my legal event and then hopefully I can put my emotional stress behind me and she can put her medical issues behind her and we can focus on family therapy, which I have secured for us and will be starting in July.

[unicorn2014]

Ok third update, just looked at my second two pages of lab diagnostics and yep, the ptsd is still there.  ok. Got it! I think this family situation is um... .well... .and my daughter's surgery... .and the relationship issue... .:D you can imagine.

[polly87]

Hi unicorn, it looks like you're going through some trying times. It might sound weird but I think it's a good thing that the PTSD is still officially there so that you can continue to receive proper treatment for it.
Have you tried mindfulness or meditation? I found it quite useful both to quiet the mind and to access and accept my emotions. Not to heal instantly, but to help the ongoing process.

Wishing you peace.

[unicorn2014]

Hi Polly, yes, I actually was prescribed to keep doing it every day. I've done 3 rounds of DBT. Couldn't make it out the door early enough, was so tired, so blood work tomorrow. took some medication to help me sleep last night.
I'm really good about my health care physically , mentally .