Accepting Im in/was in love with a mask

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Realising I was in love with a mask

This is why I keep imbuing him with qualities he in reality doesn't have

He is clearly accepting of/in denial about the terrors of leading life the way he does. He will never change, he has established a pattern of behavior. I'm so glad I was advised not to reach out. Blocking him was best thing I did.

Onwards and upwards!   

[cherryblossom]

Realising I was in love with a mask

This is why I keep imbuing him with qualities he in reality doesn't have

He is clearly accepting of/in denial about the terrors of leading life the way he does. He will never change, he has established a pattern of behavior. I'm so glad I was advised not to reach out. Blocking him was best thing I did.

Onwards and upwards!   

[sweet tooth]

This has been the most difficult item for me to cope with.

[freemanstrut]

Totally agreed.  This realization was one of the worst stings of the breakup and healing process.

[JerryRG]

I agree, I fell in love with a ghost. Now that I see her for who she really is I'm not at all impressed. I can't imagine what I seen in her and looking back she was the most awful person I've ever been with. My ex wife loved me more in 5 minutes than my exgf did in all 4 years combined.

[sweet tooth]

This has been the most difficult item for me to cope with.

I'm still in the process of coming to terms with who she is and it's very painful. Sometimes I remember the good times and others I remember the bad. It's very hard for me to come to a total, complete analyses. It's almost as if she is two separate people presiding in the same body. It's a hard thing to cope with. If she was a psycho ALL of the time it would be easy to write her off.

[Raspberry]

Onwards and upwards really is the best mantra, hope you heal soon x

[cherryblossom]

Thank u - its horrible isn't it that total annhilation and destruction of self and those closest is preferable to seeking therapy and repairing once valued bonds. Im a strong believer that once someone awakens to the knowledge of the psyche through psychotherapy they have the power to change---including a BPD person - but they got to want it and stick to it---- im learning so much about the power of the unconcious on the material world and relationships - I believe I have some disorganised attachmwnt issues which is why we were so highly attracted. He almost took me down, (i.e I almost took myself down by turning against my values and self preservation) I almost went through with a suicide in the aftermath and almost lost everything including my mind... .but im a strong mf and will rise and rise  some little internal spirit inside never allows me to totally annihilate myself----whilst he falls and falls- or stagnates and stagnates ---i dont want to gloat id much prefer he got his head out his arse - but cest la vie! I'm so much more focused on ME its unreal! And it feels excellent! !  .

[cherryblossom]

[quote author=sweet tooth link=topic=294669.msg12770717#msg12770717

I'm still in the process of coming to terms with who she is and it's very painful. Sometimes I remember the good times and others I remember the bad. It's very hard for me to come to a total, complete analyses. It's almost as if she is two separate people presiding in the same body. It's a hard thing to cope with. If she was a psycho ALL of the time it would be easy to write her off. [/quote]
Its hard isnt it because a mutual friend said at weekend  how much of a beautiful person he is and everyone understands why i stayed so long but his self destruct streak just outruns ours and the average joe's streak - it is hard for us all to get our heads round - no one knows what to say or do to help if they see him now