How is your body affected by them?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Some of the comments here are hurtful. The reason I am saying is all of you seem to have problems as well. Speaking from my point of view I have always been an optimist. Tried to take care of everything for him, planning fun, making sure debt free, helping with his lung problem. Everything was about him.

I had been sick for years they thought I had MS ( cured or healed it with natural foods, raw diet etc), still got migraines but tried to never complain. Now I know why... .LOL Was in bed for days but when not was still gardening, cooking, baking, home-schooling, the list goes on. I did all the budget, finances, pantry stocking, everything for gifts, the kids etc.

He said well you were sick, but truly he never had to take off work for me, take FLMA for me, pick up the slack here as he was never here, he worked or commuted. When not I still made food for him all week. Etc.

I am not a martyr or victim, I will be happy, fine and my life will go on and be blessed. My point is very sick now, exhausted, and try not to do the drama with him while we end this all or tried to work on. Never once was he concerned for me. That is what I hear in many of the posts on here.

Ignore them, but you all don't like ignored. I am sick, but not OK when others are sick. Mine is UBPD, I sometimes wonder if some on here are the true BPD... .sorry just had to say.

I can honestly say some of my real healing has been once he was out of house. Never realized how much I tipped toed, walked on eggshells, took all the blame, tried to fix everything, took all the responsibility, and all the chaos. Geez.

But is he were on here would sound like some oh she is sick. Well yeah, tell him now I have no time to fight, or your screaming at me on the phone, no time for drama, I am sick or busy or whatever. I am trying to set my boundaries as well as make him see all I did and he could try to do the same, even if ending it.

When I met him he had a crappy job, no friends, and couldn't afford apartment any-more, was in debt then got sick. All kinds of excuses, I bought them all. My fault, my problem. I get that. Now I made sure he is debt free, good job, good insurance. Now that I am sick, he wants to leave me the house I paid for... ., no insurance, no help fixing or moving. Again not complaining. If he doesn't I will for the kids and I. I will try the best I can for them, and myself. Be positive, be kind to all. But darn... .

I wish you all blessings and healing. Take care of you.

[Lilyroze]

Some of the comments here are hurtful. The reason I am saying is all of you seem to have problems as well. Speaking from my point of view I have always been an optimist. Tried to take care of everything for him, planning fun, making sure debt free, helping with his lung problem. Everything was about him.

I had been sick for years they thought I had MS ( cured or healed it with natural foods, raw diet etc), still got migraines but tried to never complain. Now I know why... .LOL Was in bed for days but when not was still gardening, cooking, baking, home-schooling, the list goes on. I did all the budget, finances, pantry stocking, everything for gifts, the kids etc.

He said well you were sick, but truly he never had to take off work for me, take FLMA for me, pick up the slack here as he was never here, he worked or commuted. When not I still made food for him all week. Etc.

I am not a martyr or victim, I will be happy, fine and my life will go on and be blessed. My point is very sick now, exhausted, and try not to do the drama with him while we end this all or tried to work on. Never once was he concerned for me. That is what I hear in many of the posts on here.

Ignore them, but you all don't like ignored. I am sick, but not OK when others are sick. Mine is UBPD, I sometimes wonder if some on here are the true BPD... .sorry just had to say.

I can honestly say some of my real healing has been once he was out of house. Never realized how much I tipped toed, walked on eggshells, took all the blame, tried to fix everything, took all the responsibility, and all the chaos. Geez.

But is he were on here would sound like some oh she is sick. Well yeah, tell him now I have no time to fight, or your screaming at me on the phone, no time for drama, I am sick or busy or whatever. I am trying to set my boundaries as well as make him see all I did and he could try to do the same, even if ending it.

When I met him he had a crappy job, no friends, and couldn't afford apartment any-more, was in debt then got sick. All kinds of excuses, I bought them all. My fault, my problem. I get that. Now I made sure he is debt free, good job, good insurance. Now that I am sick, he wants to leave me the house I paid for... ., no insurance, no help fixing or moving. Again not complaining. If he doesn't I will for the kids and I. I will try the best I can for them, and myself. Be positive, be kind to all. But darn... .

I wish you all blessings and healing. Take care of you.

[once removed]

Did our ex-partner cause these things? Is that an accurate way to see our life?

Our partners caused the stress that led to the ailments... .so I would say, yes!

I agree with Blue. It's cause and effect:

BPD causes the problems in the individual-->the individual lashes out at us--> their behavior creates dissonance within ourselves-->we feel badly

if we are not responsible for our physical, mental, and emotional well being, who is?

if we cede our physical, mental, and emotional well being, and give that power to someone else, what does that make us?

[Wize]

I had pretty much all the things sweet tooth listed, along with smoking, drinking, and being pretty much useless.

The first month of the problems/discard I binge drank almost every weekend.

^^^This.  I'm done with drinking for a good long while starting a few days ago.  It's time for me to start coping and processing in a sober and natural way. All drinking does is drown out the pain when we need to be feeling and processing every bit of it.

[Wize]

I am having a very hard time viewing my ex as she is. Some days I remember the good times and I miss her horribly. Other times I think of the bad times and I'm glad she's gone. I'm extraordinarily conflicted.

I totally and completely relate to the feeling of being conflicted.  One minute all I want is to do hold my ex in my arms and stroke her hair, the next minute I can't wait for the divorce to be final soon enough to get her out of my life.

"I am having a very hard time viewing me ex as she is."

Maybe that's because you love her.  I know I love my ex.  I certainly don't hate her or even think she's a bad person.  She's just damaged, lost, and in a very real way... .alone.  Her damage manifests itself by means of a very destructive disorder.

[Lilyroze]

Did our ex-partner cause these things? Is that an accurate way to see our life?

Our partners caused the stress that led to the ailments... .so I would say, yes!

I agree with Blue. It's cause and effect:

BPD causes the problems in the individual-->the individual lashes out at us--> their behavior creates dissonance within ourselves-->we feel badly

if we are not responsible for our physical, mental, and emotional well being, who is?

if we cede our physical, mental, and emotional well being, and give that power to someone else, what does that make us?

Very true, and not sure why I always put him, his health, his needs first. I want to be kind and know this is not the board for it but my personality type tends to do that. I would rather absorb someone’s pain as an empath then be the reason they have any, tend to avoid confrontations or dramas etc. But in end all that aside whether wanted to be the bigger person, the adult, or had to be it was not healthy. I need to put myself, my kids, my health first now. Thanks for the reminder, have been seeing that and realizing it lately. Need to stick to that.

[Stripey77]

Anxiety. Above all else, it's that. This isn't the first break up that's caused these symptoms in me, and I am a horrendous insomniac to boot. With my previous ('normal' break up before this one, I spent entire nights lying wide awake with my heart pounding in my chest.  Remarkably, this hasn't happened at all with this break up, even with all the pushing away and coming back that's gone on and the distress that's been caused. But the anxiety/heart palpitations are very much there. I saw him yesterday having come back from his holiday, we saw each other in town. We exchanged looks and smiles... .it's all just too much. I'm still in love, still anxious and mixed up. Not that this is related, but I got together with him several times on his last week here before his holiday, and yesterday was the first time I clapped eyes on him since I saw him off on his last day here. Some of you will know this has all followed months of silence so a LOT has happened these last few weeks. The look and smile is good... .there was no nastiness there. I don't even think my symptoms now are anything to do with the suspected BPD at all, they are just how my body relates to a heartbreak; and my heart has been broken. The heart palpitations and the strange nauseas feeling I have could apply to any break up. Although I would add that I've loved this person more than anyone or anything in my life, ever. I have often reflected that the reason I have cried relatively little by comparison to 'normal' break ups, and the lack of insomnia, this time, has been because the loss has just been too great, too surreal and too much to process. So my body hasn't let me. Trying to do breathing exercises right now to alleviate the symptoms... .

[C.Stein]

I was most definitely impacted physically in my relationship.  Stress, anxiety, depression and the physical side affects of those, particularly in the last 6 months of the relationship and months following the trash bin.  I do not blame my ex for these even if she indirectly caused them.  I am my own responsibility.  I chose to get into the relationship and remain in it.  The impact on me and my mental and physical health is mine and mine alone to own.

[Leonis]

From mid April to end of May, I felt so awful.

I couldn't sleep well despite allocating 8 hours to sleep. Bloody bowel movements (don't worry, it stopped). Just feeling depressed in general.

Since beginning of this month, I felt much better. She treats me like a booty call. I'm just using her (perhaps we are using each other) until I find someone better. Meanwhile, she's been emphasizing how she's preparing to be a spinster cat lady.

[NCEA]

Guys, I had this too. Let's face it, it's classical withdrawal symptoms from drugs / addiction / a depression.

So what do they give people who are trying to get off cigarettes or booze? Maybe it can work too? It must be the same chemical mechanism.

From mid April to end of May, I felt so awful.

I couldn't sleep well despite allocating 8 hours to sleep. Bloody bowel movements (don't worry, it stopped). Just feeling depressed in general.

Since beginning of this month, I felt much better. She treats me like a booty call. I'm just using her (perhaps we are using each other) until I find someone better. Meanwhile, she's been emphasizing how she's preparing to be a spinster cat lady.