Holdmedonttouchm
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: June 10, 2016, 07:44:59 PM » |
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So I met my girlfriend (diagnosed BPD in treatment) two and a half years ago. We met online, and quickly formed a close relationship. We were both living with our parents and due to her living conditions at the time she was forced to move out of her fathers. Her options were to move in with her mom, who lived with an emotionally abusive step father, or to move in with her sister, who she co owned a daycare with. The daycare was at her sisters house and this was clearly stressful to her because she didn’t want to live where she worked. I offered, and she was hesitant to accept, that she just bunk with me for a bit so she could get on her feet and afford her own place with a roommate. Well that was in november and we lived together at my moms until april the next year. We saw each other everyday. Shared expenses and everything. I fell for this girl harder than anything ive ever felt. Well in april she was looking to get an apartment with a friend and I asked that since we already lived together for so long already, why not move in together officially. She agreed and we had a roommate for a while before the roommate moved out because it was harder to live on her own than she expected.
We have lived alone together since then. Weve had many vacations and getaways. Really fun times. Best time of my life to be exact. I wanted to marry this girl and have kids. Still do. I got a better job that improved our quality of life, but it came with certain stressors.
I should note that I havent always been the most perfect bf. I had always had anger problems and whatnot. I have never been physically abusive but for the last year or so I have resorted to literally picking at her insecurities. I would call her worthless and pathetic even though in my head im going what am I doing I love this girl stop saying these things. I think my new job put me on a pedastal almost and I took advantage of the fact that I made more money at times.
Well fast forward to two months ago, we had a fight and I asked her to go stay somewhere else for the night. I got really cruel when she wouldn’t leave and more or less forced her out of her home. She called all night asking to come back. She went to her friend house where there was a mutual friend, a male. From what I learned, this male had had feelings for my girlfriend for a long time and this came to my gf ‘s attention. The night I kicked her out she was comforted by him. I feel like she became emotionally detached from me and attached to him. She started telling him and her friends everything about our relationship, and about me. Very intimate and private things. Her friends were quick to throw out emotional abuse about me. I cant say they are wrong, but I wasn’t the worst person in the world. I worked hard, always gave her affection and attention, spent time and did things with her. But now its gotten to the point where she says she cant tell anymore whether she is being manipulated.
In the last 2 months weve agreed that I need to go to counseling to work on myself. Im trying to change. I want to change for me, and for us. I want to be better at everything including supporting her. But I feel her pushing me away, spending less and less time with me, and more time with her friend and this male. A lot of private time with him. I don’t think anythings happened between them but she has admitted she has feelings for him. She says if she does leave that it isnt because she wants to be with him, but more so whether she thinks the damage between us can be repaired. Whether she can live with how things have gone over the last few months. Ive been trying to remain hopeful when im with her. Ive had my moments of anxiety and paranoia but I try to push past it. We spent the last week together where she was finally sleeping at home on a regular basis instead of at her friends'. We had some fun times, driving around listening to music, having picnics and watching our favorite tv shows. She was there physically but mentally I could tell she was somewhere else. I think im understanding that this is a very borderline behavior and trait. I asked her last night what she was thinking in terms of our relationship. I told her that although I cant fully understand what she is going through, I am understanding that this is the “I hate you don’t leave me” phase. I told her im trying to fight for us and remain strong and not abandon her. I told her that regardless of what has happened over the last few months that I am still very much ib love with her. She played demi lovatos I hate you don’t leave me song. Idk what to think. I want to stay and support her through this. I feel like after this I will have a better understanding than ever of what to and what not to do so we can avoid these issues in the future. Im lost here. I want to do anything to keep her from leaving. Leaving me, our life, our potential. I need to know what I can do right now, in the short term, to keep her from leaving.
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