My sister is an undiagnosed BPD, however she is so textbook I am surprised her photo does not accompany the diagnostic criteria. My dad's mother was BPD, and he was a bipolar with significant substance abuse problems. He committed suicide two years ago, and we had been estranged from him for many many years. After his suicide my sis and I had contact with family that we had not in 20 years. I still have two living grandparents, and loads of aunts, uncles, and cousins I we had great times with as children.
Sis struck up a close relationship quickly with an aunt and her family, and flew out to visit last year. Quickly they came to visit us afterwards, and everything seemed happy and normal. I saved up and visited this past week with my husband and young son, and we had a wonderful time, it was the first time hubby and son had met many of these people. Several family members were oddly absent from gatherings, but I simply chalked it up to people being busy, even though we had not been in the same state together for decades (my mother moved us out of state when I was 8).
I also at times noticed people were very guarded when first meeting me again, but figured jitters, and we all quickly warmed to each other, and are planning a big family beach trip the next summer.
A cousin and I were staying up late and having cocktails one evening close to our departure, and it all began to make sense. When I commented that I had missed seeing many people, and how it seemed as if we were strangers at first but ended up having a wonderful time, she said, "Well, they did meet sis first." I asked what she meant, and it came out that my sister had taken several people aside, or contacted them on the phone, fb, etc and told them I was fake, that I abused and ignored her, that my husband was an awful person, that I wanted no relationship with any of them and considered them all "white trash."
She quickly added this was obviously not the case, and that everybody was so happy to get in touch again.
I was honestly not surprised, sad but true. Leading up to my trip I had to field many teary admonishments about how sad I would be to be there without her, how this person or that person was a jerk and probably wouldn't talk to me, how I just wouldn't fit in, etc. Honestly, I think we was either A. jealous that I was taking a trip to see "her people" or B. Afraid I would find out about her lies about me. I expressed to cousin that I was angry about that, and sorry that it had gone that way with her, but that hey, whatever, my actions proved louder than her words, and that it was nothing new to me.
I don't know if cousin spoke to sis after that, or what, but sis completely flipped on me. When I left she seemed fine, exited and happy for me, wanted to dog-sit my dogs, who love her and her "pack."
She began leaving passive aggressive posts on my fb, then mopey quotes and song lyrics on hers. And the kicker, no joke, and I am furious... .she dyed my puppy purple with manic panic since his name is that of a popular singer associated with purple imagery (guess which one
). Or so she said, when she posted a picture of him, purple from nose to tail. She did that out of pure meaness towards me is the truth, as her version of humor is "that was so funny when I threw your phone is the toilet right? hahaha!"
I swallowed it, can't do a thing about it right? It will wash out eventually, puppy is fine. I chose not to rise to her provocation, there is no point in that road, I know from experience. Now we are home, she ditched the dogs and their food in the backyard without saying a word or me even seeing her, will not answer phone calls, and my mother tells me she is in her "hate the world phase". So add silent treatment to the list.
I understand why BPD's do distortion campaigns, but what the heck did I do to her to deserve the silent treatment? Is she angry or is she afraid? The tension is just so stupid, I am so tired of this rollercoaster!
