Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
April 28, 2024, 06:13:00 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Husband just diagnosed with BPD... (Read 464 times)
Abbysmommy2011
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 4
Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
«
on:
June 27, 2016, 11:39:35 PM »
My husband has spent the last 10 days on a behavioral health unit after being involuntarily committed by an ER doc. The psychiatrist there decided he has borderline personality disorder. He just came home today and we didn't make it 12 hours without him having another outburst. This time I was because I'd been trying to go to sleep for 2 hours and he was sitting in the bed playing a bright, flashing game on his cellphone. He told me he was going to play for an hour and try and go to bed. Two hours later he's still on it. When I asked if he was almost done he started getting irrationally angry, as usual, I asked if he would at least turn the brightness down, he exploded and stormed out of the house. I got back up, made sure all the doors were unlocked so he could easily get back in when he decided to come back, and placed his stress ball from his therapist on the back steps. I don't know how to handle this. I can't walk on egg shells all the time and never have an opinion or request. What do I do? How do I deal with this and help him through it at the same time?
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Abbysmommy2011
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 4
Husband just diagnosed with BPD
«
Reply #1 on:
June 28, 2016, 12:12:59 AM »
This website is confusing me! My husband was just diagnosed with BPD within the last week. Spent 10 days in inpatient treatment, came home today and has already blown up to the point of pacing in the back yard for over an hour now. I don't know what to do! I'm trying to be supportive and not make things worse, but I just wanted to go to bed! He was sitting right beside me playing bright flashing cellphone game that was keeping me awake. I asked him to turn the brightness down and next thing I know he's full on melted down and out in the yard. Well guess who still can't sleep now? Me. I can't walk on egg shells all the time. I can't let myself get lost in this disorder too. I still need to sleep even if he refuses to even try. I'm at a loss. Been gone 10 days and immediately comes home and ignores me, like always, for a cellphone game... .now what?
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12131
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
«
Reply #2 on:
June 28, 2016, 01:51:15 AM »
Any diagnosis of mental illness is significant not only on the patient, but also on the family. What kind of ongoing support do you have professionally? Has he been referred for follow up treatment? You need your own support too.
If BPD is a new world to you, you can start by looking at the lessons to the right of the board. They can help you better understand the illness, and lesson 3 contains tools which can help reduce conflict.
If he's been referred, how receptive is he to following up? Any kids involved here?
Turkish
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
BestVersionOfMe
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 268
Re: Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
«
Reply #3 on:
June 28, 2016, 09:35:14 PM »
How is it going? You doing ok?
Logged
Abbysmommy2011
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 4
Re: Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
«
Reply #4 on:
June 29, 2016, 08:41:48 PM »
Ok, so I apologize for the days of silence... .I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to reply from my phone
today we went to his follow up appointment with the place that's going to be providing his medication management and group DBT therapy. The appointment lasted WAY longer than we expected, but I was impressed with the people and the place.
The biggest issue we've been having over the last couple days is his anxiety. It's out of control. He's finally admitted that he used marijuana to "self medicate" for the anxiety. This admission on his part today with the psychiatrist opened up the opportunity for them to offer medication to manage the anxiety. Problem is that appointment isn't until next Tuesday. For the time being I'm trying to be as helpful and supportive as possible. The anxiety part I can relate to, because I have severe anxiety myself, I've tried offering and teaching as many anxiety coping skills as possible. Some of them seem to work for him, and some not so much.
The next few days before the med appointment are going to be rough, but I think we will make it! I'm a registered nurse, so meds are kind of what I do on a daily basis, so I'm going to see if that prescribing doc agrees that something along the lines of trazodone would be helpful for him because of the anxiety and severe insomnia. I'm hoping if we can treat the anxiety that the insomnia may resolve itself with time.
Kudos to all you guys out there who have dealt with things like this for years... .I've only been at it for 2 weeks and I'm exhausted
Another major stressor in this situation is that I'm the only income in the household. My job is being completely ridiculous and giving me a hard time over missing work to deal with home stuff. I hate to bust their bubble, but my family comes first, and right now my husband needs me way more than they do!
Sorry for the rambling, unorganized post, but man it feels good to get some of that out!
Logged
Abbysmommy2011
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 4
Re: Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
«
Reply #5 on:
June 29, 2016, 08:45:07 PM »
And to answer a couple of questions I missed last time, we do have a 5 year old daughter who seems baffled by the changes she's noticed in Daddy's behavior, but changes in a good way, not bad! He is also VERY receptive to continuing treatment. He told the psychiatrist today that he wants to be happy, healthy, and a good dad and husband... .my heart melted at that
Logged
BestVersionOfMe
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 268
Re: Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
«
Reply #6 on:
June 30, 2016, 10:31:02 PM »
Quote from: Abbysmommy2011 on June 29, 2016, 08:45:07 PM
And to answer a couple of questions I missed last time, we do have a 5 year old daughter who seems baffled by the changes she's noticed in Daddy's behavior, but changes in a good way, not bad! He is also VERY receptive to continuing treatment. He told the psychiatrist today that he wants to be happy, healthy, and a good dad and husband... .my heart melted at that
Well that is cool! Great news! Keep in mind this is not a linear process so there will be ups and downs so I don't want you to think that the bad stuff is behind you. Work hard on yourself and learn as much as you can. Feel free to ask questions as need be, we are here to help!
Logged
an0ught
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 5048
Re: Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
«
Reply #7 on:
July 02, 2016, 06:49:07 PM »
Hi Abbysmommy2011
Quote from: Abbysmommy2011 on June 29, 2016, 08:41:48 PM
The biggest issue we've been having over the last couple days is his anxiety. It's out of control. He's finally admitted that he used marijuana to "self medicate" for the anxiety. This admission on his part today with the psychiatrist opened up the opportunity for them to offer medication to manage the anxiety. Problem is that appointment isn't until next Tuesday. For the time being I'm trying to be as helpful and supportive as possible. The anxiety part I can relate to, because I have severe anxiety myself, I've tried offering and teaching as many anxiety coping skills as possible. Some of them seem to work for him, and some not so much.
Self medication is pretty common. Alcohol is one of the most problematic ones as it lowers boundaries. Weed comes with legal problems and some other mental health risks. It is a hallmark of pwBPD to have taken up dysfunctional coping habits e.g. cutting. Stopping in the short term is often difficult and it takes time to walk the path to a healthy set of coping skills.
Quote from: Abbysmommy2011 on June 29, 2016, 08:41:48 PM
The next few days before the med appointment are going to be rough, but I think we will make it! I'm a registered nurse, so meds are kind of what I do on a daily basis, so I'm going to see if that prescribing doc agrees that something along the lines of trazodone would be helpful for him because of the anxiety and severe insomnia. I'm hoping if we can treat the anxiety that the insomnia may resolve itself with time.
Sleeping pills come with their own set of at times deadly risks. He was involuntarily committed which may have been related to suicide risk or certainly has increased it.
Excerpt
Kudos to all you guys out there who have dealt with things like this for years... .I've only been at it for 2 weeks and I'm exhausted
I suspect you don't fully understand BPD yet. If your husband suffers from BPD it was there for a long time - and it has impacted you for a long time. Please spend time educating you on the site and ask questions if something is unclear or you need help. Learning about BPD in your life is life changing and not the least reason is the eyes are opened for a lot of things that we slowly accepted as "normal".
Excerpt
Another major stressor in this situation is that I'm the only income in the household.
See above.
Excerpt
My job is being completely ridiculous and giving me a hard time over missing work to deal with home stuff. I hate to bust their bubble, but my family comes first, and right now my husband needs me way more than they do!
Yes he does needs you. But also keep in mind that pwBPD tend to suck attention like a black hole with their drama. They suffer infinitely and indefinitely. We only have limited resources. Your employer has only limited patience. Learning where to draw the line is a big part of establishing healthy structures in a BPD relationship. Right now go with your gut but keep in mind - your resources are limited and you have rights too! You can't fix him or carry his pain.
Excerpt
Sorry for the rambling, unorganized post, but man it feels good to get some of that out!
Keep it coming
Logged
Writing is self validation. Writing on bpdfamily is self validation squared!
adaw
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 117
Re: Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
«
Reply #8 on:
August 14, 2016, 04:53:05 PM »
I also disagree with some of the advice given her. I don't stand for her public abuse anymore
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Husband just diagnosed with BPD...
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...