Please tell me about teens and resiliency to BPD control

[nona]

Since divorcing UBPDX

and enduring 5 more years of constant ambient abuse, and alienation tactics on  Daughter

stuck in UNMOVABLE 50/50, the system protected UBPDx

I spent these 5 years since she was 8  calming the fight/flight, bonding, Pouring deep agape love into daughter, without judgement through the alienation. providing respite for her to just go back and endure. It has worn her and I down as well. UBPDX is relentless and will not stop until D13 "has not one shred of love for me" (his emails to me say this all the time!). Well. D13 still loves me but can only sneak texts.

This has been tearing her up, and she has gone to him with a BPDX chaos false accusation takedown of me.

She figured him out 2 months ago. She can articulate  The gas lighting, his uncontrollable porn addiction in her presence, lists the psychopathic behaviors he does to her. she reads the books, the computer... .is "managing triggers" .

I think I have done as much as I can give her... .looks like she wants to try to manage him on her own.

HOWEVER I am not sure she has enough resiliency, as she is self harming when he is driving her crazy. :'(

I will meet with her social worker, who will blab about resiliency. She can choose, blah blah blah. Not doing her job.

I am at the point of waiting for D13 to disclose the abuse instead of me. UBPDX is a public figure... .all depend on him.  BPDX controls all communication to me when D13 is with him. Controls all counselors, doctors, etc. D13 "makes all her own decisions" 

I can provide documentation of all the patterns. Crazy making etc etc.

It feels crazy to let the rope go, but if she shows love for/with me, we are both under attack.

Neither of us can take it any more.

I want to tell the Child Protection worker : D13's mental, physical and emotional health and safety are too important to discuss any "he said/she said" accusations anymore. There is objective evidence to what is happening. talk to the counselors, talk to the teacher, talk to the drs. look at the documented ineffective co-parenting emails, dozens of alienation threat emails, look at D13 history of previous abuse allegations found no evidence on me. etc etc.

Do some investigating. I can provide this. To clear up the smokescreen of chaos BPDX uses as damage control.

Your thoughts .

Thanks so much everyone <3

[Kwamina]

Hi Nona,

Co-parenting with an uBPD ex can be very challenging. It is clear that your ex has some major issues and his addiction to porn in the presence of your daughter is very concerning.

Your ex is a public figure and unfortunately seems to use this to influence the key professionals involved, such as the counselors and doctors.

Did you get to meet with your daughter's social worker? Is the social worker aware of your ex's addiction to porn?

Your daughter's self-harming behaviors are also quite concerning. Is her social worker aware that she does this?

Do you have any support for yourself to help you deal with all of this? Perhaps a therapist/counselor or a family-member or someone else you feel you can trust?

[nona]

Kwamina

Thanks for your reply.

Thanks to the instruction from here to document, document, document.

This may be when documentation is finally useful.

The child protection investigation is ongoing.
I take very good care of myself. Thanks for asking.
No one else is going to. 

[Kwamina]

I take very good care of myself. Thanks for asking.
No one else is going to. 

You're welcome and I am glad you feel like you are able to take good care of yourself during this stressful period.

You have documented a lot and I too hope that will prove to be helpful now.

You mentioned how the whole situation with her dad trying to turn her on you was tearing your daughter up. She still loves you though and sneaks texts to you. The investigation is still ongoing, but how is your daughter doing now?

Take care and please keep us updated

The Board Parrot

[nona]

DD is refusing contact with me. not answering phonically, texts or emails.

She has been with UBPD dad alone over 6 weeks based on their false accusations to the court.

Th CPS sw is supposedly investigating this week.

I have never gone so long with her refusing to see me.

In our last phonically she was sweet and wants a road trip with me.

Then I mentioned the police and the story that caused it all and DD said

"Until you admit you did XYZ, I don't want any contact with you"

and won't respond.

I feel/am so powerless.

I keep sending simple loving messages anyway.

I am SOO triggered by this particular statement as It is the same line that eventually ended my marriage to UBPD DAD.

"if you just admit you made up everything and lied, we can stay together."\