He admits that he's sick..

[Dontknow88]

He knows that his thinking is more on the off side (he actually done research on himself and self diagnosed before getting a official diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder ) he thinks it's also BPD & I agree

From conversations with him he has moments of clarity or he knows jigs elf a little more than he thinks. so what he usually says is something along the lines of (as to why he fell out of love with me) "I know the reasons are minimal/childish and don't make any sence but I can't help that it freaked the hell out of me, I don't understand myself. I didn't want it to happen. This is not what I wanted (he didn't want to lose feelings).

Then he would say something like

(I don't know why I fell out of love with you, all I know is how I feel now and what I need to do about it" breakup. "I'm insane and stupid for thinking I could ever fall Inlove, I'm going to die alone, you and our son deserve better".

He was in  Therapy after a suicide attempt because he was crushed that he Lost feelings for me I don't know why.

He stopped going because the therapist wanted to talk about his love life and he isn't ready to do that.




As you see in my other post he wants to see your son alone sometimes. He admits that he isn't stable, it's not forcing to see him or being rude about it he just wants to see him. So I told him he can see him at my place with me around.

Do you think it would be too much for me to ask him to go back to therapy (reap the benefits) if he wants to have his child alone? I'm not saying because the therapist wants to talk about his love life I'm saying it because I want him to be more stable.

For the past couple months he says he's going to find a new therapist but haven't done so yet. The motivation isn't there for him I guess.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SheAskedForaBreak]

I don't know what to say, but I feel for you.  I've got an on again, off again relationship right now that is off and his actions sound very familiar.  You have to decide for yourself what YOU want and what is best for YOU.  You cannot control or help him, only yourself. 

[Dontknow88]

Yes I know I can't help him and would never want to controls him. My question is about my child and visitation

[livednlearned]

I want him to be more stable.

For the past couple months he says he's going to find a new therapist but haven't done so yet. The motivation isn't there for him I guess.

Motivation is complex for someone with BPD. If he is emotionally dysregulated, his problem-solving abilities will be nearly nil. If he is in a cycle of self-invalidation, the sheer weight of shame may make him feel hopeless.

It is baffling to those of us who can manage to pull ourselves together and get things done, even when stressed, anxious, flooded with emotion. I try to remember physiologically what it felt like during the most humiliating experience I've had, and multiply that. It helps me make sense of baffling BPD behavior.

What do you think about talking to him when he is emotionally regulated (it sounds like he is quite aware when regulated) and learn to set some boundaries? He probably knows he is not stable enough to take care of your son alone, and feels a lot of shame about this. The key is to address how he feels without making him feel more shame, and that's a skill we try to practice here.

[Dontknow88]

Hello thank you for the insite!

When he is regulated or seem, that's when he things he's fine for good this time and drops plans to seek help. It happens over & over again.

He admited to me that that in his exact words "my mind reboots and I'll drop everything and start over again."

Oh it also doesn't help that he has "friends" that enable him. Eg, talks him out of going to the ER during a huge break, basically told him to self harm instead of getting help (cause that's what they do) Hence he says "they are just as insane as me!, they understand me we are each other's therapist"

I don't know what to do