Would you trust my exgf?

[JerryRG]

Lies and bs just since Fathers Day from my sons mother.

1. Our son is working on a Fathers Day gift (no show).
2. I'm going to get help for my suicide feelings.
3. I'm packed and ready to leave.
4. If you don’t take our son Ive made arragnements with DSS to hand him over to them.
5. We need to discuss our sons health issues and they are scary.
6. It’s all your and moms fault I’m suicidal.
7. Someone broke into my appartment and theres an investigation ongoing
8. My bf may be the one who broke in, his roomates may have put him up to it.
9. I have a lawyer and another person who’s helpinng me fight the protection order against my bf.
10. Come to my church tonight there are over 100 people here to stand up for me and my bf.
11. I have had the flu, thats why I didn’t contact you for a week to ask about our son.
12. My lawyer says you need to buy our sons diapers.
13. Our son misses my bf and needs to be with him.
14. It isn’t fair our son cannot be with my bf.
15. Our son looks all over the apartment for my bf.
16. I can’t sleep so I cannot care for our son.
17. My bf didn’t beat me up, we just pushed each other around.
18. My apartment manager won’t repair my air conditioner so our son has to stay with you.

These are just a few and Im sure Ive forgotten many more because I try to just ignore the nonsense, would I be wise to trust her or believe anything she says?

[seenr]

I thought I hadit bad ... .mild in comparison to this!

[JerryRG]

This is typical for her, she cannot tell the truth if her life depended upon it.

And thanks seenr, evidently I deserve to be lied to because everything is my fault and honesty is what Christians do and she's all about doing Gods will. What a joke.

[Fr4nz]

It is very evident that she's producing drama, drama, and drama. And that very little is actually true.

Are you able to keep your distance (emotionally) from this endless drama? I think that is the key.

[JerryRG]

Thanks Fr4nz

Yes I try but every text she has to say something outrageous and talk about her bf, her health or her life. Very annoying. If she were so happy and content would she find a need to try to convince me she's happy?

[Herodias]

Sounds about right... .mine lied all the time too.  Right now I am having to pay my lawyer to find out how he lost his job. He told me he was demoted and his company was not happy with him. Then he told someone he worked with that he got tired of management and stepped down (ummm all the way back to a stock clerk where he was 10 years ago when I met him?)... .His gf told someone who worked with them that he quit his job because they were going to move out of state, but they decided to wait and the only job they would give him was a stock clerk. Then he told his lawyer to tell mine that there are no more manager jobs available at the grocery store, so that is why he doesn't have that job, So I guess the store is running itself... .So, now we are waiting to get the information from the grocery store itself so we can find out what he was written up for. My lawyer thinks his affair with his co-workers have something to do with it. We will see. I know that the current gf and him were written up 3 years ago and so many write ups lead to dismissal. So we will see. Since he is trying to get me to pay him back for health insurance and alimony he paid me, we need to find out. He should have to have the burden of proof, but no... .I have to pay! Makes me so angry. So, no- don't believe a word she says... .it's like the story of the boy who cried wolf. It gets to the point where you can't believe anything. My lawyer already doesn't know what to believe and she hasn't known him at all! You just have to take everything with a grain of salt and do what you know is the right thing to do. They lie when the truth would make more sense... .they just like to get one over on us. Don't count on her for anything unfortunately. It is not going to change. It is a habit now.

[Herodias]

Thanks Fr4nz

Yes I try but every text she has to say something outrageous and talk about her bf, her health or her life. Very annoying. If she were so happy and content would she find a need to try to convince me she's happy?

She is not happy... .she is just trying to convince herself of it. She has to make you feel she is happier because otherwise she would have to accept that she made a mistake. Mine lied our whole relationship. I ignored most of it for a long time. I got used to it. Until it was over something big, I didn't care... .kinda dumb on my part. I know he is still doing it. Happy secure  people don't think they have to lie.

[JerryRG]

Thanks Blue

I kept thinking she would stop the lies eventually, I could love her into being honest. I was delusional

[Herodias]

Thanks Blue

I kept thinking she would stop the lies eventually, I could love her into being honest. I was delusional

LOL, I understand... .I was just as delusional. At least we now know. Plus, we can feel sure they have not changed with the new person. It is them... .not us. I have a friend whose husband lies. He ate is sons  candy bar and lied to him about it. The son knew! It was a sad moment for the Mother to have to talk to her son about it, but I suspect you will have to do this in the future. Something to figure out... .it's a tough one.

[JerryRG]

I hope I'm not the only one privalaged to be lied to on a daily basis or I might develope an inferiority complex or something like it?

I wonder if she's aware of her false statements? (Notice I didn't say lies) ?

[Herodias]

I hope I'm not the only one privalaged to be lied to on a daily basis or I might develope an inferiority complex or something like it?

I wonder if she's aware of her false statements? (Notice I didn't say lies) ?

I used to call his lies... ."stories",lol   Yes, they know. Mine would admit to them to me eventually. I always caught him and called him out on them. Sometimes he would use some to try and gaslight me, but I just gave up then. He knew I knew and he knew he was lying. I read that it's like a little kid caught in a lie... .they do it to get out of getting into trouble. They do it to appear to know what they are doing. They do it to act like they are smarter or want to get a reaction... .lots of reasons. Mine lied to everyone! His family, friends, co-workers, strangers! It was like having one up on everyone. It was lie upon lie upon lie... .They are really good at it.

[JerryRG]

So true

I remember one time my exgfs mother asked her something and wasn't sure about the authenticity and had to ask her grandson if her daughter was lying, he was 11 at the time. How sad no one can trust my exgf any longer.

[JerryRG]

So my ex isn't happy? I've heard that from everyone I've asked but she still tries to convince me she is.

[Herodias]

So my ex isn't happy? I've heard that from everyone I've asked but she still tries to convince me she is.

 she's trying to convince herself. Mine used to tell me he was never happy even though he told everyone else he is. I don't think they are happy. I mean really, we are barely hanging on at times and we don't lie to people. They go off and be with people that they think they are more compatible with because the new people have lower standards. They can't be happy in that. Mines pretending to be something he's not. When he was with me we lived more like his family and how he grew up. Conservative and preppy... , now he is pretending to be a mountain man who likes country music with a girl who cheated on her husband with him. They won't be able to trust each other. Thats not happiness in my book. Yours is with a drug addict- that's not happiness- I've been there myself... , I hated him. Having all of my stuff pawned, money stolen and my car given to drug dealers I had to chase after- awful. I went from him to my ex. My ex was worse. But neither was good. She's not happy.

[JerryRG]

I remember my first real gf, I was 18 she was 17. We didn't get along well and she had issues as well. One of my best friends at that time was the best guy I've ever known, positive, giving, caring, and never gossiped or hurt anyone. Good looking guy too, (no I'm not gay ). Anyway my gf at that time was on again off again but we still talked and hung out. I was in a horrible car accident, riding with a friend who was drunk. The driver of the car hit a farm tractor at 125mph and we were all seriously injured, my friend sitting beside me died instantly.

While I was in the hospital my friend sat down on my bed and asked if it was ok for him to ask my exgf out. I was delighted at the thought she would be with the best man I've ever met.

No closer needed, I just knew they would be happy and they were, he was fatally injured after a fall a few years later. Good guys huh?

Anyway if I knew my last exgf, BPDgf was truly happy it wouldn't be difficult to accept, it's the lingering games and manipulation she throws at me that upset me. She's repeating her behaviour with me with the new guy. She told me she was very abusive to him, she criticizes his looks and how he handles stress. She thinks he broke into her apartment? She got him thrown in jail for who knows what. It is difficult to listen to her and her attempts to use me to create jealousy in her new bf is disgusting.

Same old behaviours

[sweet tooth]

No, I would not trust her if I were you. Mine lied, distorted, "feelings=facts, stated half truths aand misconceptions, etc. Her sense of self was sound table that I heard her pronounce her last name THREE different ways and spell it three different ways, too. She lied about her age on her dating profile that I discovered after the discard. She was misleading about her "phD" on Facebook. It makes it seem like she warned it even though she dropped out early on. She either lied to me about her undergrad degree or lied about it on her LinkedIn: She told me it was in business. Her LinkedIn says Hotel/Restaurant. They're somewhat related, but NOT the same!

   Lies, lies, lies! Those are just SOME of them the I caught her on. There are others that are confirmed and others still that I highly suspect. You're not alone, Jerry! Keep your boy safe!

[sweet tooth]

Jerry, let me point something out to you:

How well do you know this guy? If you don't know him well, I recommend that you give him the benefit of the doubt. He might be another nice guy that she is smearing and abusing. You can't take her words at face value because she lacks credibility.

[sweet tooth]

So my ex isn't happy? I've heard that from everyone I've asked but she still tries to convince me she is.

 she's trying to convince herself. Mine used to tell me he was never happy even though he told everyone else he is. I don't think they are happy. I mean really, we are barely hanging on at times and we don't lie to people. They go off and be with people that they think they are more compatible with because the new people have lower standards. They can't be happy in that. Mines pretending to be something he's not. When he was with me we lived more like his family and how he grew up. Conservative and preppy... , now he is pretending to be a mountain man who likes country music with a girl who cheated on her husband with him. They won't be able to trust each other. Thats not happiness in my book. Yours is with a drug addict- that's not happiness- I've been there myself... , I hated him. Having all of my stuff pawned, money stolen and my car given to drug dealers I had to chase after- awful. I went from him to my ex. My ex was worse. But neither was good. She's not happy.

Blue, your ex-husband is going to end that relationship with drama, too. Mark my words.

[JerryRG]

Yes she's smearing him to me for sure sweet tooth.

She deliberately sets events so she's alone with me, even asking me to go into her apartment while telling me her bf is already flipping out. My exgf is unreal.

All she ever did was use me because I am a nice guy as well, she preys on good guys because they are trustworthy

[Herodias]

Thanks Sweet tooth... .I think Jerrys exes bf has been in jail, if there is evidence of that then his problems are real, but you are right- who knows the truth. Jerry, you really have been through allot- I'm
 so sorry. It's amazing how things just make us stronger and stronger. Sometimes I think this is why we stayed so long- as another post said- you have to be strong to stay with these people. I was strong as long as I could. I just finally had boundaries. Sorry about your friend. That's a horrible thing to have witnessed. I don't like how your friend hooked up with your ex but I'm not shocked. Someone I know is doing that to me now and I don't like it. But I know this guy is no good and she's thinking it's different with her. She's really a mess. People... ., very frustrating.

[JerryRG]

My exgfs new bf has a long criminal record and he's an alcoholic and went through treatment and believes he's cured. We in AA laugh at that notion because we drank because we were emotinally immature and stopping the drinking is just the beginning of recovery, certainly not the end.

His pastor told me he has serious mental health issues and he's codependent

[Herodias]

She's with him because she can manipulate him- she's still trying to do that with you and it doesn't work. Did you ever listen to Trenton Hawley's story on U Tube? He's a truck driver whose wife died and he quickly married a pwBPD. He tells his story from start to finish with all of the crazy stories. It was one of the most helpful set of videos to me because he is so down to earth and tells it like it is. My exes gf's husband is a truck driver too, so it was interesting on that end as well. I recommend it for sure. About 70 some videos but most of them are short. His ex would tell him their marriage had bad karma and burn incense through the house! He said you could burn enough incense to set off the fire alarms but it wouldn't change the fact that she was cheating! He's kinda funny how he tells it. Give it a listen - it will help you see we are not the only ones with craziness... .