I'm breaking off contact for good.

[valet]

I already posted this in another thread but I reckon I still might have some things to say, so here we go. Time to take it to the floor.

It's been a while since I've posted regularly here but the time has finally come for me to put my two cents into this thread and call it a day.

pwBPD and separated about a year and a half ago. I tried to remain friends with her, but found that this new friendship lacked everything that was important to me in a friendship. My ex continued to hide things from me, and it recently came to my attention that she had been hiding much more, things that happened while we were still together. Funnily enough, my past anxieties have been justified. Turns out I wasn't crazy after all!

A lot of time has passed since the breakup, but I finally feel like I've found a larger since of closure on the past. I've decided to shut the door for good and cut all ties. It is a painful decision, but like so many others that have gone the route of trying to stay in touch, the post-relationship friendship ended up extending the pain that I originally felt all along. I don't hold it against her and wish her the best, but have realized that I can't have that level of toxicity in my life anymore and expect to be happy. It just won't work for me.

That said, everyone's situation is different. The main point that I make is that if I had fully trusted myself I could have prevented myself from feeling a certain way longer than I needed to. That's ok. I forgive myself. Just a word to the wise. 

[Xstang77]

Good post,welcome to the ghost club . I tried the same Briefly but it's just a one sided friendship and the more you find out the more it eats at you,so yea I agree and I'm on the same page.

[heartandwhole]

The main point that I make is that if I had fully trusted myself I could have prevented myself from feeling a certain way longer than I needed to. That's ok. I forgive myself. Just a word to the wise. 

Very wise words, valet, and I thank you for sharing this. You have earned some hard won wisdom in this situation, and I know it hasn't been easy. Well done for having tried. And for discovering that what you want and need matters. This is such a good example for all of us learning to trust ourselves.

heartandwhole

[Mutt]

Hi valet,

It is a painful decision, but like so many others that have gone the route of trying to stay in touch, the post-relationship friendship ended up extending the pain that I originally felt all along.

I'm sorry to hear that  Good idea with self protecting to heal your wounds, it's not a hard and fast rule. Perhaps you'll feel stronger and you can keep a friendship? Maybe you'll feel differently with more time behind you? Above all, take really good care of yourself.

[valet]

The main point that I make is that if I had fully trusted myself I could have prevented myself from feeling a certain way longer than I needed to. That's ok. I forgive myself. Just a word to the wise. 

Very wise words, valet, and I thank you for sharing this. You have earned some hard won wisdom in this situation, and I know it hasn't been easy. Well done for having tried. And for discovering that what you want and need matters. This is such a good example for all of us learning to trust ourselves.

heartandwhole

 

Hi valet,

It is a painful decision, but like so many others that have gone the route of trying to stay in touch, the post-relationship friendship ended up extending the pain that I originally felt all along.

I'm sorry to hear that  Good idea with self protecting to heal your wounds, it's not a hard and fast rule. Perhaps you'll feel stronger and you can keep a friendship? Maybe you'll feel differently with more time behind you? Above all, take really good care of yourself.

You're right. There is no predicting what the future may hold. But right now I'm feeling really good about my decision. Life can only get better from here.

[drained1996]

It certainly does get better valet!  You and time are now your best friends.  Stay focused on YOU!

[myself]

The main point that I make is that if I had fully trusted myself I could have prevented myself from feeling a certain way longer than I needed to.

I've felt that as well, that I could have gotten out sooner, with not as many wounds... .But I needed to see it through. Thinking maybe there was a way there for us somehow... .When it became very apparent that remaining in each others lives wasn't a healthy option any more, it was time to let go. Move on. In the end, there will be much less pain from having done so. As it may well prove with you. There will certainly be less questions left behind.

[VitaminC]

I tried to remain friends with her, but found that this new friendship lacked everything that was important to me in a friendship. My ex continued to hide things from me, and it recently came to my attention that she had been hiding much more, things that happened while we were still together. Funnily enough, my past anxieties have been justified. Turns out I wasn't crazy after all!

Yes, important to remember that friendships have to be healthy and nourish us too. Good call. And yes, sometimes we have to learn things the hard way. But what I really get from this is the point about friendship. Cherish the good ones, water them like the fragile flowers most of them are. Put the bad ones outside in the garden, let them fend for themselves.

A lot of time has passed since the breakup, but I finally feel like I've found a larger since of closure on the past. I've decided to shut the door for good and cut all ties.

It takes as long as it takes.

What a positive and helpful reminder, thank you for it, Valet.

[valet]

Thanks for the kind and encouraging words everyone. Very validating to hear these things.

Anxiety levels are peaking recently, but I suppose that this is my body finding itself in new emotional territory. A little bit of extra discomfort won't hinder me too much, and I'm glad that I am actually reacting to this in a healthy way. I didn't shut off. I like the me that doesn't shut off.

I've told most of my good buds at this point. Everyone has been very supportive, and I'm proud to say that I've done a good job maintaining and nourishing the positive relationships in my life. It's good to know that I have folks supporting me.

[married21years]

  welcome to the dark side

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