Strange foreboding

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey gang,

This is a bit of a strange one, but has anyone experienced a strange sense that something feels 'off' or that something bad is about to happen, prior to a recycle or contact with your ex?

I've two instances recently where I distinctly felt something was looming, and a few hours later my ex has appeared. The first time I was just on a random day off, but I just felt uncomfortable with something and almost paranoid - then a couple of hours later my ex ran up to me in the local shopping centre, gave me a hug and a kiss, and set me off on 4 days of feeling miserable (I've worked out my body works to a 4 day rule with her, I feel horrid for 4 days if I see her, then ok).

I didn't see or speak to her until last night, about two months, which was absolutely fine. I was on the way to a party, but again, things were just 'off'. It's so difficult to explain. A bit like the final act of Harry Potter, I just felt like there was a dark magic in the air, for want of a better description. Having a great time at the party, then dead on midnight I get a text from her that one of our cats had been put down about an hour earlier. I gave her a call, we both cried our eyes out. I loved my cats like my children. Devastating (although I own my feelings now, I'll let myself feel sad, and move past it).

I couldn't ever explain it scientifically, and I'm not a religious man, but I'm starting to think that on some other level we become intrinsically and spiritually linked with our exes? I still deal with my feelings for her, which I have learnt to cope with, but I these ominous feelings I get before I see her have struck me as I've never felt anything like them. Apologies if this sounds a little far-fetched, it does to me, but I was just interested to see if anyone else in the BPD Family had experienced the same.

[duncsvoice]

Hey gang,

This is a bit of a strange one, but has anyone experienced a strange sense that something feels 'off' or that something bad is about to happen, prior to a recycle or contact with your ex?

I've two instances recently where I distinctly felt something was looming, and a few hours later my ex has appeared. The first time I was just on a random day off, but I just felt uncomfortable with something and almost paranoid - then a couple of hours later my ex ran up to me in the local shopping centre, gave me a hug and a kiss, and set me off on 4 days of feeling miserable (I've worked out my body works to a 4 day rule with her, I feel horrid for 4 days if I see her, then ok).

I didn't see or speak to her until last night, about two months, which was absolutely fine. I was on the way to a party, but again, things were just 'off'. It's so difficult to explain. A bit like the final act of Harry Potter, I just felt like there was a dark magic in the air, for want of a better description. Having a great time at the party, then dead on midnight I get a text from her that one of our cats had been put down about an hour earlier. I gave her a call, we both cried our eyes out. I loved my cats like my children. Devastating (although I own my feelings now, I'll let myself feel sad, and move past it).

I couldn't ever explain it scientifically, and I'm not a religious man, but I'm starting to think that on some other level we become intrinsically and spiritually linked with our exes? I still deal with my feelings for her, which I have learnt to cope with, but I these ominous feelings I get before I see her have struck me as I've never felt anything like them. Apologies if this sounds a little far-fetched, it does to me, but I was just interested to see if anyone else in the BPD Family had experienced the same.

[enlighten me]

Oh yes plenty of times. I used to freak my work colleagues out with it. I worked overseas and would get a strange feeling. I would say to my colleagues I think my ex is about to get in touch and within the hour there would be a message from her.

I dont know if its a sixth sense or more logically we are just hyper tuned to their behaviour and have subconsciously seen signs. I.e. face book posts or seeing them or their car without registering it.

Whatever it is I still get it now.

[JerryRG]

I've had this many times too, lost count on all the very strange things that happened when I was with my exgf. She had this secret life that most people were unaware so things got very weird. Selling drugs, associating with some very dangerous people.

One example, she told me she had a uncle in law enforcement and that he was watching me so I didn't hurt her. I was leaving my apartment one day and this black suv drives out of my parking lot, tinted windows, the whole works, for a moment I thought... .could she be telling the truth? Noo way.

So with my exgf I was always expecting the very unusual because of her insane stories.

I swear she had minions spying on me and still does.

All this gives me the creepy sense of being watched.

And the coincidence factor was strange too, as if she were tied into not only bad people but also the underworld of bad spirits. She has control over people that I cannot explain and always surrounded in darkness.

[FallBack!Monster]

Hey gang,

This is a bit of a strange one, but has anyone experienced a strange sense that something feels 'off' or that something bad is about to happen, prior to a recycle or contact with your ex?

I've two instances recently where I distinctly felt something was looming, and a few hours later my ex has appeared. The first time I was just on a random day off, but I just felt uncomfortable with something and almost paranoid - then a couple of hours later my ex ran up to me in the local shopping centre, gave me a hug and a kiss, and set me off on 4 days of feeling miserable (I've worked out my body works to a 4 day rule with her, I feel horrid for 4 days if I see her, then ok).

I didn't see or speak to her until last night, about two months, which was absolutely fine. I was on the way to a party, but again, things were just 'off'. It's so difficult to explain. A bit like the final act of Harry Potter, I just felt like there was a dark magic in the air, for want of a better description. Having a great time at the party, then dead on midnight I get a text from her that one of our cats had been put down about an hour earlier. I gave her a call, we both cried our eyes out. I loved my cats like my children. Devastating (although I own my feelings now, I'll let myself feel sad, and move past it).

I couldn't ever explain it scientifically, and I'm not a religious man, but I'm starting to think that on some other level we become intrinsically and spiritually linked with our exes? I still deal with my feelings for her, which I have learnt to cope with, but I these ominous feelings I get before I see her have struck me as I've never felt anything like them. Apologies if this sounds a little far-fetched, it does to me, but I was just interested to see if anyone else in the BPD Family had experienced the same.

None of it sounds far-fetched to me. Even though on bpdfamily it's said that this is a place where we can fully express our feelings and we're encouraged to be honest, feelings I do hold back, are feelings like the one you speak of.
Also, I refrain from the subject bc sometimes I think I'm making it up in my head. That we're not in anyway spiritually connected and that its just wishful thinking.

I haven't seen my ex in quite a few months and I've accepted a lot of my reality (really! I'm okay with her no longer being in my life) so why do i still feel this connection?

I have a spiritual advisor that says, it's not my imagination. 

[duncsvoice]

I haven't seen my ex in quite a few months and I've accepted a lot of my reality (really! I'm okay with her no longer being in my life) so why do i still feel this connection?

I have a spiritual advisor that says, it's not my imagination. 

I am relieved it isn't just me! I was speaking to a guy at this party last night about my experiences (he mentioned about being in a toxic relationship he just couldn't get over) and so it just got me thinking. I mentioned about how my feelings were just so intense for her, and I still struggle to squash them, even though I've accepted it's over and she's moved on, and I'm in a better place not being the relationship. It does make me think that perhaps it is a connection that goes beyond the realms of reality, like twins.

I'm finding it more interesting than distressing to be honest, perhaps I should learn to use this spidey-sense and go lock myself in a cupboard if I feel it again!

And the coincidence factor was strange too, as if she were tied into not only bad people but also the underworld of bad spirits. She has control over people that I cannot explain and always surrounded in darkness.

It is funny you should mention that. I like to believe in ghosts and spirits and the like, although never having experienced anything. She always used to tell me about how supernatural things happened to her, and her Mum (it was quite a toxic family, abuse, violence etc). There was one evening where she was collecting stuff in our old flat, a highly distressing evening. The lights in the bedroom started dimming erratically, the bedroom door started to slam, and my ex just looked in to the corner and asked whatever was there to "leave her alone". I completely forgot about that.

[FallBack!Monster]

I haven't seen my ex in quite a few months and I've accepted a lot of my reality (really! I'm okay with her no longer being in my life) so why do i still feel this connection?

I have a spiritual advisor that says, it's not my imagination. 

I am relieved it isn't just me! I was speaking to a guy at this party last night about my experiences (he mentioned about being in a toxic relationship he just couldn't get over) and so it just got me thinking. I mentioned about how my feelings were just so intense for her, and I still struggle to squash them, even though I've accepted it's over and she's moved on, and I'm in a better place not being the relationship. It does make me think that perhaps it is a connection that goes beyond the realms of reality, like twins.

I'm finding it more interesting than distressing to be honest, perhaps I should learn to use this spidey-sense and go lock myself in a cupboard if I feel it again!

And the coincidence factor was strange too, as if she were tied into not only bad people but also the underworld of bad spirits. She has control over people that I cannot explain and always surrounded in darkness.

It is funny you should mention that. I like to believe in ghosts and spirits and the like, although never having experienced anything. She always used to tell me about how supernatural things happened to her, and her Mum (it was quite a toxic family, abuse, violence etc). There was one evening where she was collecting stuff in our old flat, a highly distressing evening. The lights in the bedroom started dimming erratically, the bedroom door started to slam, and my ex just looked in to the corner and asked whatever was there to "leave her alone". I completely forgot about that.

That's a different type of spiritual connection, I think. My ex an I experience, to me is not like a supernatural type of feeling. Nope! A spiritual connection however, cannot be explained to non believers and probably not to those who have not experienced it. Which is why it's not usually discussed. Non believers wld surely finds ways to mock.

[fromheeltoheal]

Detachment does include mental, emotional and spiritual components, with there often being a conflict between the mental and emotional ones, especially early in detachment.  The spiritual component is valid too, some say it manifests in dreams mostly, and how can we use this information in our detachment, and how do we differentiate valid spiritual components from magical thinking?

[enlighten me]

Im not religious.  I dont believe in ghosts yet there are plenty of things like this topic that I have no explanation for. Ive often been humming a song and got in my car and when the radio comes on that song is on at almost the exact point im at. For me it could be that part of my brain is tuned into the radio waves. Could it be that part of our brains is also tuned into our exs?

Who can say.

[Stripey77]

Yup.

Remember, they know us. And we know them. It's not as far fetched as you might think.

Hand in hand with this, I remember when I first got together with mine, it was the strangest, strangest feeling of being with someone I'd known a very long time indeed. He felt like a lifelong friend. I felt so at home and so comfortable with him, it was most bizarre. He said (but who knows of course) that he felt the same.

There is  lot of reference to 'mirroring' and the suchlike on this site, but honestly, hand on heart honestly, I struggle to think of times when he 'mirrored' me or tried to become my 'perfect partner'. We really are like chalk and cheese... .and yet, we fitted so perfectly it was scary.  There was a little bit of overenthusiastic 'me too!'s when we first met, which did pull me up short... .it was a bit like talking to a child... .for example, the fact that we both drink lots of sparkling water. He over enthused about this 'similarity' whilst I was thinking... ."but it's just water"... .which it is.  So that felt a bit over the top, but I just put it down to overenthusiasm, like an over eager puppy, and thought at the time, it will calm down. Which it did, of course.

That notwithstanding, there are some eery similarities between my ex and me that I think we both found strange... .and this is nothing to do with mirroring at all... .for example, studying the same texts at school (we're from different countries) A scar on almost exactly the same place on our foreheads (although on opposite sides... .mirroring... .ha!) And really the weirdest of all... .we have the same name. The exact same name, spelling and everything. In my country it is for a woman, in his for a man. And no, it's not a usual 'unisex' name. That is pretty amazing, even I have to say, and like you I'm not into hippy stuff/religious/spiritual... .not particularly anyway!

To me I have consistently summed up this entire experience as this  - that I met my soul mate, at last. Sadly though, he was sent in badly damaged packaging. And that's as best an analogy as I can give it. Maybe for some of us, these people really are our 'soul mates'. It's so so sad all round, but that's not to say there isn't another, undamaged, soul mate out there for us.

[JerryRG]

I have had many extraordinary spiritual events happen to me, some were mind blowing, some more subtle.

Just one short example, my exgf, son and I were returning from visiting one evening, it wasn't fully dark but getting there. We were discussing the topic of our belief in God. She didn't believe and I do, I finally told her out of frustration that she will believe one day because God will reveal Himself to her. Just as I finished saying this to her a meteorite started burning beside us to our east, traveling the same direction as we were, it started out blueish green and kept growing brighter as it hurled across the sky heading north. We sat there in amazement as it moved across the whole sky, I cringed thinking of the meteor over Russia a while back that exploded.

Thinking we would see a brilliant flash but the meteor burned itself out and faded into nothing.

This was just one of many very significant events in our relationship that were amazing and very real. She now claims to have been born again and perhaps she is, her pastor told me she still has very deep and disturbing behaviours that slip out behind her mask.

I could tell you more experiences but it's like  FallBack!Monster said, unless it happens to us individually it usually won't be believed.

There are more mysteries than answers and all I need do is watch my exgf to confirm this fact.

[duncsvoice]

I find it so fascinating that it seems to be a common theme, I think I err on the side of it being almost spiritual. I read somewhere here that they almost become a part of you - to use a Harry Potter reference, I liken my ex to a Voldemort horcrux living within me.

I think that I gave so much of my body and soul to the relationship, to be her carer, literally save her life on occasions, have her drag broken glass down my arm to save her from doing it to herself, that we became almost enmeshed. I lost a huge part of my identity and replaced it with hers. I don't like to think she was my soul mate, because in hindsight if she wasn't ill she wouldn't have latched on to me.

To me, it's unexplainable. Patterns didn't dictate why we'd bump in to each other on a random day off work, and it doesn't explain why I felt that awful sense of foreboding. I feel it's something spiritual, mystical... .borne out of this intense connection that I feel I will always have.

[fromheeltoheal]

I read somewhere here that they almost become a part of you

Yes, a borderline attaches to someone to complete themselves, since they don't have a fully formed self of their own, a consequence of never having successfully detached from their primary caregiver, the core of the disorder.  And since attaching is a matter of survival, borderlines get really good at it, with proclamations of "soul mate" from most of us, within a short time, usually too short, after the relationship begins.

To me, it's unexplainable. Patterns didn't dictate why we'd bump in to each other on a random day off work, and it doesn't explain why I felt that awful sense of foreboding. I feel it's something spiritual, mystical... .borne out of this intense connection that I feel I will always have.

Yeah, me too, there will always be a place in my heart for my ex, a warm one full of compassion, how could there not be after that level of intensity, and as long as there's no place in my life for her, I'm totally good with that.

So how can we use this moving forward?  Foreboding means fearful apprehension; how can we transcend that and give that "vibe" an empowering meaning?

[FallBack!Monster]

I've admitted that I feel spiritually connected to my ex. I didn't say I liked it or I want it. I also do not believe I will be connected to her in someway for the rest of my life. Had the relationship been real, maybe. But since I see how easy it is for her to turn her back on it, I no longer see the validity.  And if this is what she does with any and every attachment, I would feel crazy myself to want to hold on to any feelings. It's just weird that after all this time I usually wld  have moved on from feeling any other person. Her not 100℅ yet. It's not as strong as it was but I'm a work in progress. Sorry i have no ghost stories.