Two of them

[Pegasus]

Seriously I'm going mad. I have not one but two mothers with BPD. What are the chances?
I grew up with an adoptive mother who was an absolute monster. Hostile, rejecting, violent, gaslighting, smear campaigns etc. I haven't seen her in 25 years (her choice but she makes sure I'm blamed).
Bio mother came looking for me when I was 21. I let her into my life stupidly thinking she might give me the love I never had, but instead she has b___ed and gossiped about me, tried to befriend my adoptive mother and dismissed my account of what happened during my childhood, cut me off for a year for something that didn't happen, actually apologised for doing that but has now done it again.
I guess because she was nowhere near as bad as my adoptive mother, I just didn't see it till now that she is personality disordered as well. I recently clicked like on something on social media, yes that's all I did, and she made it all about her and spewed this great long email at me accusing me of all sorts of things that are not even in my nature.
She has acted like I don't exist since April, even though I sent her a birthday present recently. It is hateful and hurtful behaviour and I dont know how they can live with themselves. I live alone and none of them seem to see the risk in that when I'm treated with so much nastiness.
Feeling very hurt and alone.

[Turkish]

Hi Pegasus,

How does it feel to seem alone, cut off from both of your families?  I ask because my adoptive mother is BPD (and several other things), and my birth mother, long deceased (I was given up as a baby so I never knew her) may have been as well. Is this how you may feel?  

It sounds hurtful on both sides here,  but I'm glad that you found us to share.  



Turkish

[Kwamina]

Welcome back Pegasus

I am very sorry you are feeling so hurt and alone. Having an abusive BPD parent can be very difficult indeed and you unfortunately have two BPD mothers. The things people with BPD say and theyway they behave can be quite hurtful and frustrating. No matter what your mother says or does though, odds are her behavior is only a reflection of her own inner turmoil, negativity and insecurity which she then projects onto you. Her behavior stems from her distorted thinking but doesn't say anything about who you really are at all. Keeping this in mind has helped me cope with my own BPD relatives. It is easier said than done of course when you are being verbally abused, but I have found it does help me and perhaps it can help you too.

As you are feeling so alone, I am very glad you came back to this community and reached out for support again. Many of our members (including me) know how extremely hard it can be dealing with a BPD parent and will be able to relate to you. I encourage you to keep posting here and hope that by participating and the connection you experience here, you'll feel less alone and isolated.

Take care legendary mythical flying horse  (I love your screenname!)

[Pegasus]

Thanks Kwamina, I think because they are both so NUTS I've always known it wasn't a reflection of me. Even right back when I was about 8, I remember my adoptive mother saying something and thinking 'that's not true'. It's just the lack of love and support and being triggered by father's day and all the other reminders we're constantly faced with of what we don't have. Glad to be here.

Yes Turkish, it is hurtful, sorry to see you've been through that too.