I sent one further email to my friend

[insideoutside]

I sent an email to my friend yesterday apologising for the things I said to him when he discarded me a couple of weeks ago; I said I was angry and hurt but I shouldn't had said them as he didn't deserve it.  I wished him well and told him to take care of himself.  Brief and to the point.

I did it knowing I wouldn't receive a response; I don't know if I'm blocked, but I did it as I know I shouldn't had said the things I did.  He is ill; I know that and should had just accepted his decision with grace. 

I still have him blocked on all communication apart from email.  Feel a bit 'meh' about it all today but apart from the idealisation stage, he really did not bring much of anything to my life apart from anxiety and its this I need to remember.

[Moselle]

Izzybusy.

What are your needs in all of this?

I'm sure you said some ugly things. Perhaps they were justified?

[insideoutside]

Hi Moselle

I truly don't know what my needs are.  I said some awful things to him and if it was me it wound had destroyed me to hear somebody say those to me.  Yes he hurt and disappointed me again but he didn't deserve the venom that I spat at him.  I'm better than that and should had held it together.

Whether those words were received I do not know but they were sent as a means to an end and for me to move on otherwise I would always hate myself for being so nasty to somebody that I guess was only trying to find a way for himself to cope with his illness.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey izzy, Agree w/Moselle.  Why bother?  It takes energy that could be better used elsewhere, right?  Maybe you still have some small hope of getting back together?  Only you know for sure.   LJ

[insideoutside]

Hey izzy, Agree w/Moselle.  Why bother?  It takes energy that could be better used elsewhere, right?  Maybe you still have some small hope of getting back together?  Only you know for sure.   LJ

He was just a friend whose friendship I did enjoy when things were going well; not sure I'd engage with him again though as we were in touch for a year and the push/pull never stopped.

I apologised for me aswell as for him; so I can detach with a clearer conscious.

[Moselle]

I truly don't know what my needs are?

I can empathise with this.

I grew up with a Narcissistic mother and there I learned that her needs and everyone else's needs were more important than mine.

My inner child's brain is wired to think almost exclusively about other people's needs

It needs a bit of re-wiring but how can we ensure our needs are met?

We certainly have them.

[rfriesen]

not sure I'd engage with him again though as we were in touch for a year and the push/pull never stopped.

I think so many of us here can relate to that feeling of being "not sure" how we'd respond to the various ways our exes might reach out. It's worth spending some time thinking about why we're unsure. What feelings does it bring up when you think of engaging with him, and what has you still unsure after all the pain you've described over the past while.

If we remain too unsure of how we'll react, it puts the other person in the driver's seat if and when they do engage again.

[heartandwhole]

I apologised for me aswell as for him; so I can detach with a clearer conscious.

I think I understand what you mean, izzy. I don't like myself when I lash out at someone else. It hurts me, too. 

heartandwhole

[insideoutside]

not sure I'd engage with him again though as we were in touch for a year and the push/pull never stopped.

I think so many of us here can relate to that feeling of being "not sure" how we'd respond to the various ways our exes might reach out. It's worth spending some time thinking about why we're unsure. What feelings does it bring up when you think of engaging with him, and what has you still unsure after all the pain you've described over the past while.

If we remain too unsure of how we'll react, it puts the other person in the driver's seat if and when they do engage again.

Interesting.  The feelings that surface are 1. He still thinks of me (sad I know) and 2. Anxiety.  Anxiety being that it would eventually happen all over again.  So whilst I'd like him to reach out to validate my feelings; I don't think the anxiety and knots in my stomach are worth the brief happy times he would provide.  He makes me incredibly anxious; God knows why as I'm a strong character mostly.

[insideoutside]

I apologised for me aswell as for him; so I can detach with a clearer conscious.

I think I understand what you mean, izzy. I don't like myself when I lash out at someone else. It hurts me, too. 

heartandwhole

Indeed heartandwhole; it makes me hurt and I hate losing my cool; plus in my eyes it makes me no better than him.

[Lil Rocky]

izzybusy I can definitely relate to what you're going through. I lashed out at mine before the 4th of July and it turned ugly. No name calling or nasty words were exchanged. I just pointed out her flaws and she got very defensive and ended our friendship. I knew it hurt her however she pointed out mine as well. At the time, I was hurt and felt it was warranted to say how I felt and what was bothering me. I felt extremely bad and tried unsuccessfully at least 3 times to reach out to her. I apologized and wanted to resolve our differences but she never answered and I believe she's doing fine without me. I was able to apologize  to her and feel a little bit better but still healing. I do hope you and your friend are able to mend your friendship and you feel better.

[insideoutside]

Thank you Lil Rocky; I will never reach out to extend the hand of friendship to him again.  I've been burnt by getting too close on more than one occasion and will not put myself in that situation again.  I can't see it ever being salvaged unless he reaches out to me with a genuine apology and commitment that he wouldn't push me away again; but as we all sadly know, it would happen again eventually.

I'll get over him in time; I've done it before and I can do it again although with a tinge of sadness this time round as we aren't kids anymore and time is precious.

I hope your friend realises what she's lost losing your friendship and I'm sorry you too are going through something similar x

[Lil Rocky]

You're welcome izzybusy.   It's ok and thank you. I don't think she'ill ever realize. I sometimes dream that one day she messages me and apologizes and wants to change. I'm sorry you've been burnt too many times. It does hurt. Sometimes you got to do whats best for you.