Welcome Trabbit:
Sorry about the situation with your sister. I'm estranged from my sister at the moment as well. The "Stop Walking on Eggshells" book was my first reading material on BPD. There are several links to helpful information that appears to the upper right of this post. You should find that information a helpful supplement to what you may have already learned.
You mention one family therapy visit and some brief therapy your sister had. Is your sister aware that she likely has BPD?
This discussion on
FEAR OF ABANDONMENT might be helpful to read. This could apply to some degree to your sister's behavior.
I am lost and very afraid for her. I'm also afraid to contact her or fly out there as she has said to both M and CD that me or my mother showing up there would make her feel trapped.
What options exist in this situation for getting her help? I don't think I can force anything, based on what's happened so far, right? She's tried very short stints with talk therapy and is generally opposed to it. The brief time we touched on it over the phone she seemed more inclined to feel disillusioned with humanity and set on her sensitivity and broken relationships as a part of being than to accept that there might be something in her that could be changed/helped.
You might want to read the info at this link:
GETTING A BORDERLINE INTO THERAPY It probably wouldn't go well to fly out to see her. No one can force her to get treatment. DBT Therapy is a common approach to treating BPD. Many people with BPD have depression and/or anxiety disorders. Some antidepressants can help with this. Is your sister self supporting and able to hold down a job (any insurance?)? Does she have any substance abuse problems?
This has to be so frustrating for your family. People generally go to a doctor for a physical illness, but avoid seeking treatment for a mental condition. It can be hard to understand why someone wouldn't want to do something to relieve the mental anguish and suicidal thoughts. Learning some healthy ways to self-sooth can be helpful for anyone.
The links below could be helpful for your sister. The dbtselfhelp.com website is an overall self- help source for DBT Therapy. The specific link below is to helpful things a person can try when distressed or dysregulating.
www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/improve_the_moment_worksheet.htmlwww.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdfThe book "The Happiness Trap" (Based on ACT Therapy) might be a book you might want to read and perhaps share with your sister. It isn't geared specifically towards BPD treatment, but could be a helpful for anyone. If you go to the website below, you can print out several handouts/workbook sheets:
www.thehappinesstrap.com/free_resourcesCheck out some of the things I've referenced above. Take it a step at a time and don't let it overwhelm you. Let us know what you think?