Should I Tell the family of the BPD?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I read that interventions are not a good idea for BPD people. But I also read that suicide is common - 10%. Should I tell the family (brother, sons) about her so that they can help. This is not about me still trying to fix her. I have filed for divorce and am trying to get her out of my house. Wondered if her family would be a help or would it cause more of a problem given that she is in total denial and told her T not to use that label (BPD) on her.

[RippedTorn]

I read that interventions are not a good idea for BPD people. But I also read that suicide is common - 10%. Should I tell the family (brother, sons) about her so that they can help. This is not about me still trying to fix her. I have filed for divorce and am trying to get her out of my house. Wondered if her family would be a help or would it cause more of a problem given that she is in total denial and told her T not to use that label (BPD) on her.

[Dutched]

It would not be my advise to tell her family.

Doing so is labelling and confronting. I gives upheaval and you can be accused of badmouthing.
Specially now, during a divorce procedure, I certainly don’t think it is in your interest.

How hard it might be for you, show a more caring attitude towards the family of soon to be ex.
That you are worried about her wellbeing and ask them to keep an eye on her, breaking up / divorcing is painful.
 
Place your own interests first. Concentrate on your own wellbeing, your future please

[Mutt]

Hi RippedTorn,

I'm sorry that you're going through this. That's good to hear that your stbx is seeing a T, that counts for something? I just wanted to added to what Dutched said about family, I wouldn't suggest getting in between your stbx and her family because family are usually loyal to each other.

[bestintentions]

Hi RT,

My T suggested it was OK to get my children involved in asking my stbx to get into therapy.  It did no good.  I recommend staying out of it as well.

bi

[RippedTorn]

Thank you all for your consistent advice

[Herodias]

I told my husbands family while we were still together. I had them read walking on eggshells- for whatever reason they said they didn't believe that was what was wrong- do they know something I don't know or are they in denial? I don't know, but I'm telling you this because it didn't do me any good.

[C.Stein]

I just wanted to added to what Dutched said about family, I wouldn't suggest getting in between your stbx and her family because family are usually loyal to each other.

I agree with the above and add one more thing.  The chances of you being seen as the jaded ex-husband are very very good if you were to intervene here.

[rosesarered777]

I tried to inform BPD-wife's mother and father but they remained neutral. BPD tried to blame me for her own alcoholism, which also explains why she left all of the glass bottles in the cabinet when she moved out recently.

Obviously, I was demonized before and after and again and again. She once tried to tell my father that the wine/beer we drank collectively in the last month-plus was alcohol /all for me/! My father knows my character well and listened when I explained that the beer was mine over 3-6 weeks and the wine was entirely hers in 2-4! So you might never hear all of the false crazy stories spread about you!