Hello

[Lookingforsupprt]

I am new to this site and am curious as to what kind of support and guidance that it can provide.  I think... .from what I have read that my wife suffers from BPD and I would like to know if any of you have any good advice... .Particularly when things turn ugly... .in regards to anger/rage.  I deeply love her, but things change so quickly I have a tough time keeping up sometimes.

I welcome any and all advice including resource you would recommend to better understand BPD and how I can help.

Thanks

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi Lookingforsupport,

Welcome and hello 

There are specific tools (communication, validation, boundaries, timeout) that everyone in a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder needs to master.

People with this disorder tend to perceive the world differently than you and I, but there is an order and the rationale within that perception - it's not just random craziness as we might sometimes think.

Senior members on this board are very good at helping apply these principles to everyday life problems. The educational material to the right ----------> is based on the work from leading experts in the disorder.

The tools are not intuitive -- many have to be learned. Our BPD loved ones tend to be unskilled and bring the skill level down in the relationship. Our work is about raising the skill level and stabilizing the relationship.

How are things with your wife at the moment? Are there kids involved?

When your wife gets angry/rages, how do you cope?

Glad you found the site.

LnL

[ArleighBurke]

Senior members on this board are very good at helping apply these principles to everyday life problems.

Well... .we try!

Read about Validation. It's a communication tool to help reduce her anger - to help her feel heard.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

I think the best thing you can do is develop an absolutely solid mental and emotional strength. She is unstable, the swirling tornado. Be the stable rock she can rely on. This means being able to navigate her anger and moods. Being self-confident enough to KNOW what she needs, to KNOW that it's 99% about whats in her head (not reality) and to KNOW that having and enforcing your own boundaries is OK.

Being stable enables her to trust you. And being true to yourself enbles her to respect you.

It can be done!