The Doctor told me she will never be cured

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi folks,

Thank you for your advice over the previous couple of days (posts below in the forum).

My wife of over a year / partner of 5 years travelled US to UK on Saturday telling me she was here to work on things and then hit me with divorce papers within an hour of arriving with a big smile on her face and champagne in her hand.  She then flew back to the US on Sunday and has since returned none of my calls / messages (even though I can see she is receiving them).  I know she is likely getting great satisfaction out of my desperation.

This morning I went to see a doctor and opened up about everything I had been through (subject to physical abuse / rape threats / sexual humiliation) and it helped.  He has referred me to therapist to help people cope with those that live with partners with mental illness.

When i asked him if there is a chance she can be cured he said in his opinion no. It can be managed but it will always be there like a monster under the bed waiting to come out to bite you.

He told me I must go no contact - whenever that urge to contact her comes to give my phone to someone nearby as contacting her is only ever going to make my anxiety worse / empower her and also cause her mental suffering too.

Day 1 no contact here it starts

[CooperD]

Hi folks,

Thank you for your advice over the previous couple of days (posts below in the forum).

My wife of over a year / partner of 5 years travelled US to UK on Saturday telling me she was here to work on things and then hit me with divorce papers within an hour of arriving with a big smile on her face and champagne in her hand.  She then flew back to the US on Sunday and has since returned none of my calls / messages (even though I can see she is receiving them).  I know she is likely getting great satisfaction out of my desperation.

This morning I went to see a doctor and opened up about everything I had been through (subject to physical abuse / rape threats / sexual humiliation) and it helped.  He has referred me to therapist to help people cope with those that live with partners with mental illness.

When i asked him if there is a chance she can be cured he said in his opinion no. It can be managed but it will always be there like a monster under the bed waiting to come out to bite you.

He told me I must go no contact - whenever that urge to contact her comes to give my phone to someone nearby as contacting her is only ever going to make my anxiety worse / empower her and also cause her mental suffering too.

Day 1 no contact here it starts

[JerryRG]

Hang in there CooperD

PwBPD are the most baffling, addicting, fun and beautiful people in our world, but also the most painful to be with. Your doctor is right, they cannot be cured and if the best minds admit defeat, our reasoning may be, how can we possibly do anything to help?

My ex is repeating her same behaviours and everything I've learned about her illness is true. My denial is so strong,  my desire to change her, help her, so great. These beliefs almost cost me my life and may have indeed shortened my life in some ways.

This relationship has also awoken in me things I did not know about, and I have found a better life. She tried her best to destroy me, I fought hard and because I tried everything to fix her, I fixed my life in the process.

Kinda crazy how things work out.

I remember the night an ER doc told me the fable of "scorpion and the frog"

It explains my ex perfectly

Maybe look it up?

Keep healing CooperD

[heartandwhole]

Hi CooperD,

I'm glad that you have been to see a professional, and have a referral for a therapist. I can tell you that seeing an objective, kind, and knowledgeable therapist helped me to recover from the pain of my breakup with pwBPD. I wish the same for you.

I also went NC at the breakup. It worked for me, because I had already recycled the relationship and had tried several times to be just friends and discovered that it wasn't possible. I also had to take a really hard look at my involvement in a relationship that was screaming "won't work" from the beginning. NC is not for everyone, but it is a tool that can help you separate yourself (and your thoughts) from your soon-to-be ex so that you can heal. Getting her out of your daily life, so to speak. It hurts and isn't easy. You've been through a lot, so be gentle with yourself. We're here with you every step of the way. 

What else can you do for yourself today that will get you one step closer to recovery, CooperD?

heartandwhole