To hold on, or let go.

[Love116]

I have been seeing a man for the past two years. Right away it felt like this was it. My lifestyle is complicated with my work but he seemed to fit right in with everything. I didn't really notice the controlling or abusive behaviors till about a year in. If he was mad, there was is calming him down and I wasn't allowed to leave the situation or ignore it. He has a problem with drinking among other addictive behaviors. He was a big drinker when I met him. If we fought about something it just got worse because he would end up binge drinking because he was upset. I've never cheated on him nor do I think he has on me but he constantly questions me with distrust. We are quite often apart long distance and i feel like the whole time apart he wants to know my every move. Fast forward awhile and our relationship is an emotional roller coaster. I was telling him I was worried about him because he doesnt know how to manage his stress or emotions and I dont know how to react either. Things have even gotten physical a number of times. And I will admit i'm at fault too. He would say things to provoke me and I would ask him to leave and he never would so pushing and shoving and hitting would end up him hurting me worse. Then after the storm he is crying and saying he loves me and never wants this to happen again. And we are both sitting here upset like we both love each other so why is it so hard to be happy? Why have we crossed this horrible line of disrespect? I believe that he loves me but I feel like he doesnt know how to get on the right track. It wasn't till recently that he admitted he needed to stop drinking and maybe look into some therapy and AA. But here I sit wondering if our relationship is too far gone? I want to be with the man I know he can be and I want to support him knowing that he is going through sorting out his demons but how do I stay here during the process and not get hurt more then I already have? His father had a problem with drinking and abuse towards his mother growing up and left the family for another woman. My partner pretty much became the dad and still is that role to everyone. Always taking care of everyone but he seems to forget that he isnt taking care of himself. To everyone else he is this nice wonderful guy and I see the dark side of him because I'm closest to him. He says I'm the only person who can really get close to him to hurt him. I'm just, really at a loss. Any non-bias advice I think would be helpful to me.

[Mutt]

Hi Love116,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going this. I can see how upsetting and confusing it is when we the push / pull behavior feels like crazy making behavior. You'll find many of us here can relate with you and offer you guidance and support, this is a platform to express your feelings freely without judgement.

I believe that he loves me but I feel like he doesnt know how to get on the right track.

Is this your intuition speaking to you here? , our intuition is there to support us and guide us, do you follow your gut instincts?

Always taking care of everyone but he seems to forget that he isnt taking care of himself.

This is a good observation, he's emotionally abandoned himself, it's sad that he most likely learned this from his parents. You have a busy lifestyle and a lot going on, what do you for self care? What is your support network like in real life? Can you turned to an objectionable family member or friend? Are you seeing a T?

[Love116]

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