How do you move forward

[nenarox2]

Hey there BPD family,

The message board is invaluable to a person like me, a child of diagnosed BPD mother. I have isolated myself from my family and my BPD mother encouraged it. I know she likes being the center of the universe and it is easier for me to just deal with her, unless she is unstable. She is unstable as of October and I have had no contact. Thanksgiving was hard... .

Alas, I finally reached out to my sister who is in counseling and recovering from our BPD mother. She and I share the same fear that we will have BPD in our later life. My sister clarified that while my mother water-boarded and tortured her, she never got to her psychologically. Not like me. My mother got me to alienate my father, and become her personal slave. Even now, whenever she is upset, I become a different person, I start cleaning and frantically doing whatever I can to keep her happy. I dread her disapproval.

My sister has never cared and never feared the ramifications, even though she was tortured worse. Then again, my father took her with him when he left my mother. Anyways, do you find that BPD parents isolate one child to groom into their personal slave? Or was that just me? Are BPD parents likely to raise their children to be enemies? I feel like my mother has done everything that she can to keep us away from each-other and for us to be pitted against each-other in every aspect of our lives?

Any help our links of advice would help. I feel like that little boy in the books that was the only child that the mother tortured.

Nena

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Nenarox2!

Welcome aboard to our family!   You will find so many other members here who can truly understand so much of what you've gone through.

I'm very sorry for the things you've had to endure with your BPDm. It is so heartbreaking to know that we were just children yet we were made to be adults. Here's an extra hug for you. 

do you find that BPD parents isolate one child to groom into their personal slave? Or was that just me? Are BPD parents likely to raise their children to be enemies?

Many pwBPD do treat their kids like slaves, and I know that I was one of them. I had to work so much that I hardly remember much play time. I would cry myself to sleep at night because I was so tired and could never get enough work done to please my uBPDm. Yes, it is also common that there is a lot of division amongst the siblings in a family when a parent has BPD. I've read about it in a book, plus I also saw it in my own FOO. Sounds like you experienced it too.

You mentioned that your sister is in T. Have you also gone to T?
I'm looking forward to hearing more from you!

Wools 

[Fie]

Hello Nena  

Welcome !

My mum is BPD too. Although no two cases are the same, everyone here will relate to the things you are writing, since we all have lived things that are dysfunctional.

Are BPD parents likely to raise their children to be enemies?

I think so. I know my mother did try to keep me apart from my sister. Unfortunately she succeeded.
She did pretty much the same keeping me apart from my dad I think and I know she has complained about me for all my life towards other family members. She was always the victim and I was the 'difficult person'. Well, no need to explain, I am sure you know the dynamics.

Also my friends were ridiculised by her. She never liked it when I had friends, so much I realize now. My sister's friends were always great, mine were 'ugly', 'weird', 'too smartass', name it.

[nenarox2]

Thank you so much for your replies. I am glad to know that this family dynamic seems normal for a family with a BPDm or Parent. I am not in T at this time though I have gone for several years. We did touch on the topic of my BPDm but nothing beyond the fact that I do not have her diagnosis and that it is good that I am aware of her diagnosis. I would like the book that you read with regards to this. I have read "The Buddha and the Borderline" which was from the perspective of a single woman with BPD and not like my mother who has it. I would love more recommendations that fit into my perspective, a child raised in abuse and fear of a dBPDm.

[Newbeginnings8]

Hi Nena,

Your situation sounds exactly like mine when I was a child. I was in your exact situation, groomed by my mother to be the golden child and her slave while my brother got very little attention. She definitely tried to put us against one another and when we would get along too well in certain situations, she would scream at us that we were "ganging up on her." She is still jealous of my relationship with my brother to this day.
I am currently in counseling and it has helped a great deal. I wish you all the best!

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi again, Nenarox, 

I believe the book that I read about siblings and the parents treatment of them is called Understanding the Borderline Mother. It can be a very tough read, so if you begin reading and find it too much for now, then switch to another book which is actually my favorite so far, Surviving a Borderline Parent . This book was like a bible to me, and it can be read easily in small segments, such as a paragraph at a time which allows you to process and think through the things you are reading about. I'll post the links to the book reviews here for you:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68021.0 Surviving a Borderline Parent
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=53779.0 Understanding the Borderline Mother

How are you doing today? What things have been on your mind regarding BPD this week as you've read and started to become acquainted with this site?

 
Wools