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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Protecting kids with a BPD mother  (Read 378 times)
seenr
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 229


« on: December 11, 2016, 07:47:32 AM »

Hi all.

I was posting here over the summer after breaking up with my ex whom I suspect has BPD. We got back together for two months but the pattern continued - incessant rage towards me and one of her daughters.she threw me out 4 times in the 2 months and her Daughter also became suicidal, trying on 2 occasions.

I was falsely accused of verbally attacking her daughter. I didn't. My son was sick and her daughter began to shout and scream. I said to her that if she continued, I would have to take him away. A day later I was asked to leave the house. I asked my ex was she sure and she said yes. As soon as I began taking my things I was told I was abandoning her. So confusing.

I am asking for your opinions on this though. There has been a lot of violence between mother and daughter in the house. My son has not been hit but he has walked in to see them first fighting. He has seen me being assaulted. He has seen his sister with a rope around her neck. He has seen too much - he is not even 3. Should I report this to the authorities? Emotional abuse is horrible.
But witnessing physical abuse is horrible too.

I am scared for him. Since this split he has asked me if I will kill myself and has told me about his mum and sister fighting and a phone being cracked.

Part of me wishes I was still living there to protect him.
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12176


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« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2016, 12:22:59 AM »

The situation sounds very volatile. You're safe,  but your son may not be.  Though it may be necessary,  reporting is an escalation. Do you have something like an anonymous report line so you can talk so someone? (I have this option on my city). What's your access like with your son at this point?
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
livednlearned
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« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2016, 08:32:29 AM »

How awful, seenr. I would be scared for him too. Seeing his sister with a rope around her neck    and all that fighting, wow.

What is the legal arrangement between you and your son's mother?

How often do you see him?

You cannot protect a child from abuse just by living with him.

What do your instincts tell you to do?



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