How to Start Discussion with DD about Possible Eating Disorder

[Parents! Get help here!]

My newly diagnosed BPD DD will be moving back to school after Christmas (has been home for four months on a university co-op work term) and will be 2,000 kilometres away.  We have registered her for a DBT Group in "distress tolerance" in her university town starting in mid-January but have not yet found a psychologist who can do individual sessions with her.  Wait list at this place for an individual therapist is 3 - 4 months.

For the past month or so we have noticed a distinct change in her eating habits.  Keeps skipping meals (with excuses - "too full", "snacked too much" [although we didn't see her snacking], "this pizza is now considered leftovers; I don't eat leftovers" [this is a new and very frustrating "habit"]) and is losing a lot of weight (she feels extremely thin when she lets me hug her and she is also looking extremely thin).  We have loads of Christmas cookies and candies lying around and she never exclaims joy at the sight of it - the way she would have in the past.  Also - her BPD symptoms, although not severe, are causing her a great deal of anguish and seem to be getting worse especially in her interactions with long-distance BF (we hear her on the phone arguing, crying, pleading, etc. every night).

Given that we have a week before Christmas and we have three family gatherings from the 25th until the 27th (the last one will be in our house with lots of extended relations that she does not care for - so that will be fun trying to manage her) and then she moves out on the 28th, I don't know what to do about what I (and her younger sister) think is a severe eating disorder in the making.  Should I make an appointment with her family doctor in the next few days and have her broach the subject with her?  DD has allowed me to go with her to previous appointments with family doc, so it won't be unusual for me to talk with the doctor.  Should that be the first step?

I have been watching her carefully but have been nervous to say anything about my concerns about her eating habits because I didn't want this to become one more thing that we argue about.  I am afraid that once she knows that I know that she has an eating disorder that she will refuse to eat even more just to make a point.  Anyway, I think we have come to a crossroads, literally, and that I must make a move.  I just don't know how to approach it.

Anyone with experience in this regard?

[Maple leaf]

My newly diagnosed BPD DD will be moving back to school after Christmas (has been home for four months on a university co-op work term) and will be 2,000 kilometres away.  We have registered her for a DBT Group in "distress tolerance" in her university town starting in mid-January but have not yet found a psychologist who can do individual sessions with her.  Wait list at this place for an individual therapist is 3 - 4 months.

For the past month or so we have noticed a distinct change in her eating habits.  Keeps skipping meals (with excuses - "too full", "snacked too much" [although we didn't see her snacking], "this pizza is now considered leftovers; I don't eat leftovers" [this is a new and very frustrating "habit"]) and is losing a lot of weight (she feels extremely thin when she lets me hug her and she is also looking extremely thin).  We have loads of Christmas cookies and candies lying around and she never exclaims joy at the sight of it - the way she would have in the past.  Also - her BPD symptoms, although not severe, are causing her a great deal of anguish and seem to be getting worse especially in her interactions with long-distance BF (we hear her on the phone arguing, crying, pleading, etc. every night).

Given that we have a week before Christmas and we have three family gatherings from the 25th until the 27th (the last one will be in our house with lots of extended relations that she does not care for - so that will be fun trying to manage her) and then she moves out on the 28th, I don't know what to do about what I (and her younger sister) think is a severe eating disorder in the making.  Should I make an appointment with her family doctor in the next few days and have her broach the subject with her?  DD has allowed me to go with her to previous appointments with family doc, so it won't be unusual for me to talk with the doctor.  Should that be the first step?

I have been watching her carefully but have been nervous to say anything about my concerns about her eating habits because I didn't want this to become one more thing that we argue about.  I am afraid that once she knows that I know that she has an eating disorder that she will refuse to eat even more just to make a point.  Anyway, I think we have come to a crossroads, literally, and that I must make a move.  I just don't know how to approach it.

Anyone with experience in this regard?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

  
Hi Maple Leaf:  
Your idea of taking your daughter to the doctor is a good idea.  It can help to have a neutral person address health concerns relative to an eating disorder.

I have been watching her carefully but have been nervous to say anything about my concerns about her eating habits because I didn't want this to become one more thing that we argue about.

Arguing with her about a possible eating disorder isn't a good approach.  Check out the article below. It has some suggestions on how to interact with your daughter regarding her eating disorder.

www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm

She is likely controlling her food in an effort to self soothe. Has anyone helped her find healthy ways to relieve and manage stress? The links below might help.

www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html

www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/the_BPD_tool.html

[drained1996]

Hi Maple Leaf,

I see Nibbler has given you some really good thoughts here.  The DBT self help links are a great way to offer some healthier coping mechanisms to her when she starts to have bad feelings about something.  Let us know how it goes if you are able to get the doctors visit worked out.  We are here for any thoughts, questions or feelings you would like to share!