Maintain "NO CONTACT" , keep it like that for good.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

For all the people here on this site I wish you all merry Christmas and happy holidays.
I like to make my comments about recycling and why it should be avoided categorically.
 
You have to realize that you were addicted to a person(BPD) who's to you has all the effects of very very powerful narcotics, and you have to speak to somebody who will refresh your memory and reminds you as what you've been through with this person and make you realize that going back to square one is going to destroy all the progress you have made on getting over your addiction over the years or over some period of time can be completely undone just in a few moments, and the person generally we are talking about a borderline. You don't know that person, it's impossible to know them, they change often, they can change minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, week to week.
The person who you think they are doesn't exist, they're a figment of your imagination.
The only thing you can know is their pattern of behavior and the way they make you feel, that's the only thing you can really take from them, if you think you know that person you're kidding yourself and there's no real getting around it,
There's nothing pretty I can tell you that makes the situation any better.
Only you have to come to realize you must resist efforts made by a borderline ex to recycle you and bring you back into their lives. Because with them comes all the damages, with them comes a load of trauma, a load of horrifying stories.
Do you want to be that person who's going to be used, manipulated, and discarded again because that's guaranteed of what will happens.
The reason why they coming back to you because they not been able to recycle someone else. You may have a lot of resentment in your heart for the way this person treated you, but to them, whatever, they don't care, they don't even remember, you just a piece of meat, an accessory that is required, you're just a source of attention , company, sex, resources.
They will come back and they act like there's nothing ever happened whereas you will still have some resentment to this person, so it's completely doomed to failure, there's no happy ending, there's no joyous reconciliation . It's you kidding yourself if you being romantic or indulging in the same kind of thinking that got you in so much trouble in the first place.

As the message I will put out to you about what you need to do to avoid being recycled is to ask yourself do you want to be in that abandoned rejected misery again? Because it's completely certain that's gonna happens, there is no two ways about it, that's what is going to happen if you let this person into your life again, it's gonna happen again the way it happened the first time, and this time it will be very very strange ,indeed, because this is a person who you rightfully got some very sorts of resentment feelings toward the way they treated you in the past and to even address what happened in the past will send this returning creature into histrionics, how dare you bring that up? They will take offence because that person who you knew is not that same person they are now.
So this gas lighting effect that will have on you is to where, if you want to redress where you get a grievance you are in the wrong and they will play the victim.

Do not reengage , do not allow yourself to be recycled by a borderline . And if you feel as if you need to do the recycling you go chasing down your old dysfunctional ex don't be surprised when they come back, you need to leave well alone, and leave well alone forever. And it's one of the most difficult things that you will take on in life.
So understand it as being that, understand it as being monumental challenge to keep these people out of your life , to maintain a "NO CONTACT" , keep it like that for good!.

EVERY TIME YOU READ, LISTEN TO OR RESPOND TO YOUR BPD ex's MESSAGES, YOU'RE GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER, AND PERPETUATING YOUR ANGUISH!.

[zeus123]

For all the people here on this site I wish you all merry Christmas and happy holidays.
I like to make my comments about recycling and why it should be avoided categorically.
 
You have to realize that you were addicted to a person(BPD) who's to you has all the effects of very very powerful narcotics, and you have to speak to somebody who will refresh your memory and reminds you as what you've been through with this person and make you realize that going back to square one is going to destroy all the progress you have made on getting over your addiction over the years or over some period of time can be completely undone just in a few moments, and the person generally we are talking about a borderline. You don't know that person, it's impossible to know them, they change often, they can change minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, week to week.
The person who you think they are doesn't exist, they're a figment of your imagination.
The only thing you can know is their pattern of behavior and the way they make you feel, that's the only thing you can really take from them, if you think you know that person you're kidding yourself and there's no real getting around it,
There's nothing pretty I can tell you that makes the situation any better.
Only you have to come to realize you must resist efforts made by a borderline ex to recycle you and bring you back into their lives. Because with them comes all the damages, with them comes a load of trauma, a load of horrifying stories.
Do you want to be that person who's going to be used, manipulated, and discarded again because that's guaranteed of what will happens.
The reason why they coming back to you because they not been able to recycle someone else. You may have a lot of resentment in your heart for the way this person treated you, but to them, whatever, they don't care, they don't even remember, you just a piece of meat, an accessory that is required, you're just a source of attention , company, sex, resources.
They will come back and they act like there's nothing ever happened whereas you will still have some resentment to this person, so it's completely doomed to failure, there's no happy ending, there's no joyous reconciliation . It's you kidding yourself if you being romantic or indulging in the same kind of thinking that got you in so much trouble in the first place.

As the message I will put out to you about what you need to do to avoid being recycled is to ask yourself do you want to be in that abandoned rejected misery again? Because it's completely certain that's gonna happens, there is no two ways about it, that's what is going to happen if you let this person into your life again, it's gonna happen again the way it happened the first time, and this time it will be very very strange ,indeed, because this is a person who you rightfully got some very sorts of resentment feelings toward the way they treated you in the past and to even address what happened in the past will send this returning creature into histrionics, how dare you bring that up? They will take offence because that person who you knew is not that same person they are now.
So this gas lighting effect that will have on you is to where, if you want to redress where you get a grievance you are in the wrong and they will play the victim.

Do not reengage , do not allow yourself to be recycled by a borderline . And if you feel as if you need to do the recycling you go chasing down your old dysfunctional ex don't be surprised when they come back, you need to leave well alone, and leave well alone forever. And it's one of the most difficult things that you will take on in life.
So understand it as being that, understand it as being monumental challenge to keep these people out of your life , to maintain a "NO CONTACT" , keep it like that for good!.

EVERY TIME YOU READ, LISTEN TO OR RESPOND TO YOUR BPD ex's MESSAGES, YOU'RE GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER, AND PERPETUATING YOUR ANGUISH!.

[Skip]

NO CONTACT is the only way

This was your first post in 2015.

I know you are an adamant proponent of NO CONTACT FOREVER and I'm glad that has served you well.

I am a proponent for LETTING GO WITH GRACE.

It tends to look like this:

• No Contact
• Detachment
• Letting Go
• Letting Go with Grace

Why not No Contact Forever? Because No Contact is fear and a physical thing (avoidance). It's like having fear of height and never going to the third story of a building.

Detachment is transition from the fear the buries our hurt and connecting to our loss and processing it.

Letting Go is the fruit of the detaching process - a point when we have conquered our fear, processed our hurt, harmonized with our reality (going forward without being emotional unavailable, overly protective, bitter, hardened, fearful).

Letting Go with Grace is learning the lesson we were intended to learn to live a better life. Remember, there is an evolutionary reason for why we react to a broken heart this way. We are supposed to learn from it.

Two schools of thought. Men with different views. All of us working together to help each other.

   

[hurting300]

If someone literally tortured you in the relationship I can honestly see why you'd run away. But my ex pulled the no contact card and disappeared. It took almost two years to get custody of my daughter. No Contact is not bad as long as you let them know you no longer wish to speak.

[Curiously1]

Thanks Zeus
There are plenty of people who definitely need to stay NC with their exes.
Similar to Skips point of view, I think we shouln't fear the pwBPD.
Our goal is to get to a point of understanding where we don't take it personally anymore.
Nobody can truly hurt you if you don't allow them to I believe but fresh out of a relationship or when you're still healing it does sting.
NC is great for dettachment, a protection while you are in a vulnerable position. Like a band-aid.
However if the ex is not necessarily violent or out to harm you, I don't think NC is the only way for things to be better between the two of you. If you're truly dettached sometimes it is fine to still chat to a BPD ex or even be friends to be honest. As of my case. It just depends on your circumstances, I think and the particular BPD indiviual. Mine doesn't live in my town anymore but if she greets me a Merry Christmas then I won't ignore her. We are in good terms now. She may not know how to love me the way I wished she could but she is still a human being.  The past is behind us and she is in a new r/s now. If she was to ever recycle me again, yeah that wouldn't be in my best interests but I do not think she can destroy me, no.

[seeperplexed]

So spot on. In retrospect, I realize that the person I thought I knew was in fact a figment of my imagination. I can't imagine it is ever worth it to go back when there is a big wonderful world to explore with all sorts of loving and interesting people!