Just realizing the problem after the breakup

[jewelblaze]

I was in a back and forth relationship for over a year. In August 2016 we decided to move in together and that is when everything changed. My boyfriend started to become a whole different person. I now realize that the time spent dating prior to living together was some sort of game of manipulative way to wheel me in. Then after we moved in together he decided it was time to become himself. The anger, the outburst, the outward disrespectful comments. He had many mood swings and although I knew he smoked 420 frequently I now realized he was an alcoholic as well. He would come home drunk and have this rage and anger but would never remember what happened the next day. In November I had finally had enough after attempting to sit down with him on many occasions to point out that we should start over. My cries were not heard so I moved into the spare bedroom. For weeks we slept apart, talking briefly and engaging almost never. I thought he would see what was happening and changed but in fact he became worse. He began staying out at night of which I knew he was out cheating, sometimes coming home drunk and trying to come into my room which I now kept locked. I would hear him cursing and saying he is tired of sleeping alone. He would text me long messages saying he didn't know what to do or what I wanted him to do. We would argue about who should stay and who should go. I finally had enough and drove back come for Thanksgiving to be around my family. I stayed away and he didn't know where I was. When I came back after 2 weeks he had moved most of his things out. To date I haven't seen him just a few text messages here and there. Today he came to get the rest of his items. He told me to leave them in the garage but never came in to see me. He has said he was sorry by text but I atleast thought he could face me. I even thought he may have had a change of heart since being gone. We began texting each other and he commenced to tell me how unhappy he had been and how hes broke and losing everything. Again, drawing me in. I started to tell him how everything in the house reminded me of him and how hurt I have been since the breakup not being able to have closure. Then I asked him to really tell me if he was a sex addict. He admitted to not really wanting sex but just basically being addicted to different women for his different personalities. And that is when it hit me. I now realize why he seemed to change since we moved together. I finally realized that of all his personalities, his drinking, his smoking, his biker club, his business, I was his wife type female. The one he would come home to every night, that would have dinner ready. We would watch movies laugh and cuddle. He rarely took me around his friends and we hardly went out. Its like he wanted to keep me at home away from his other personalities who were obviously not good people. But when things started to get rough in the relationship all of the bad personalities started to come home with him because at some times he would be so angry and curse at me then 5 minutes later wanting to hug and cuddle with me like nothing happened. When he sent me the text about having different women for his different personalities thats when I started to do the research online and came to this website. And I am really glad I did because I had been feeling like even though the relationship was over that him and I were not over and I somehow wanted to be back with him. I am glad I found this site because I was on the verge of being pulled back and I now see that is not the right thing to do. Even though I want to tell him what I have discovered and offer him help and support I realize that he has to come to his own realization. I now understand that it wasn't me and that I did the best I could to make him happy and now I am ready to move on from him and start 2017 the right way.  

[Hisaccount]

Welcome.

Glad you got out. You are like me it was a shock to come here and read that others go through the exact same thing that I did.
Not only that, it is a blessing to find out it isn't me. I am not the problem.

Stay strong and stay away. They have to hit rock bottom on their own, or they will continue a life leaving nothing but destruction behind them.

[Herodias]

So much of that sounded like my marraige. Glad he's out and you are moving on... .I have to say though, it sounds like dissociative personality disorder if he truly has different personalities. Best to not put up with all of that. Once you get away from it, you never want to deal with it again. Happy new year!