Struggling so badly

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi folks,

I feel like I have had such a big relapse this week due to her contacting me out of the blue - subconsciously I started to feel all the emotions again only for her to then with no emotion and complete ruthlessness tell me "this is the last time I will ever speak to you ".

I had to call in sick today at work and make some excuse because I feel so anxious and depressed.   It feels like all the joy has been sucked out my life.  I know and can rationalise that there was little joy when I was with her due to all the conflict but that doesn't stop the pain.

I gave her everything I had and sacrificed so much for her to just walk away and leave me to pick up such a horrible mess.  My mind and heart just feel blown to pieces and no matter how much I try to hide it to those around me in the dark of the night I cannot hide and it's just me and this overwhelming sense of loss and knowledge that my life can never and will never be the same.

[CooperD]

Hi folks,

I feel like I have had such a big relapse this week due to her contacting me out of the blue - subconsciously I started to feel all the emotions again only for her to then with no emotion and complete ruthlessness tell me "this is the last time I will ever speak to you ".

I had to call in sick today at work and make some excuse because I feel so anxious and depressed.   It feels like all the joy has been sucked out my life.  I know and can rationalise that there was little joy when I was with her due to all the conflict but that doesn't stop the pain.

I gave her everything I had and sacrificed so much for her to just walk away and leave me to pick up such a horrible mess.  My mind and heart just feel blown to pieces and no matter how much I try to hide it to those around me in the dark of the night I cannot hide and it's just me and this overwhelming sense of loss and knowledge that my life can never and will never be the same.

[Hisaccount]

I feel really bad for you. I have been there.

Are you eating at least?

All it takes is seeing her name, text, email and I am triggered. It takes time to calm down after that.

Try watching a movie that will distract you. Or start a new video game.
For me work is the best, a normal routine. Being at home sucks, too easy to sit alone and feel sorry for myself.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey CD, I suggest you try to take a step back and just observe your feelings.  You may find that you experience less stress when you can look at your situation objectively.  It may bring a little perspective between you and your feelings.  Worth a try!  LJ

[Lucky Jim]

Hey CD, I suggest you take a step back and just observe your feelings, almost as if you are on the outside looking in.  It may help to bring a little perspective and distance between you and your feelings.  Worth a try!  LJ

[Rayban]

CD,

Don't let her get the best of you.  I know you're hurting,  but you have to pick yourself up. You took a day off work to recoup and rest. Best advice I can give you is go back to work tomorrow.  Build on the strength needed to do that.  Use it as a distraction and a way to build on your self esteem.  Don't let yourself slip. Take pride in taking care of yourself.  Use this opportunity to regain your self respect.

The best way to get closure and regain control is  doing what's necessary to be  the person you were before her. You have the capacity to do this.  Without treatment you're just prolonging the pain. 

[ynwa]

Hey CD,

Been right where you are. Today in fact. But I got up out of bed and said not right now.  It came back, nope not now.  It came back.  I allowed it. I was sad, I was lost, but I also saw that I was angry, and disappointed. And more.

Try doing something you do everyday. Do one thing, and pay attention to every step. Concentrate. Even making a cup of coffee. Listen to the water boil. Breathe. The way you pick up the spoon to stir the sugar. Breathe. Close your eyes and smell the coffee.  Taste it.

Relax, you can do this. 

 

[CooperD]

Thanks folks for the kind comments and advice.

The issue I am having is that since she triggered me last week by calling out of the blue, my mind has gone back to thinking what could / should have been.

I am thinking of bigger issues which I know right now is not good.

- I am wondering if I will ever be a father now that my wife has left me.
- I am wondering if I will ever meet anyone that makes me feel like she did when we first met.

I am having to sell my property because it holds too many bad memories.

I hate going to my job because I have to pretend everything is fine and dandy when it's not. 

I am struggling to sleep - i have take beyond the recommended dosage to try to get to sleep and even then there are times when my anxiety is such that they don't have any impact.

I just wish she knew how much she has damaged me.

[Hisaccount]

She can never admit how much she damaged you or comprehend it.

You will not and should not find someone that made you feel like she did. I looked for the same thing, but then I realized it is not healthy.

I am struggling with eradicating her from my house now. Thinking about selling as well. I do so much better when I am not there.

It will get easier, one day at a time. I know that isn't much comfort but that is all we can do, wake up and try again tomorrow.

[jonmnemonic]

I am struggling to sleep - i have take beyond the recommended dosage to try to get to sleep and even then there are times when my anxiety is such that they don't have any impact.

Do some kind of physical activity for 30 or more minutes a day.  It'll help to significantly reduce your stress and anxiety and will also help you sleep better.

[ynwa]

Hey Cooper,  

You realize you are struggling a bit. You are depressed and anxious yes?
You are accepting things, seeing that change is coming.

Maybe you are just trying to see and work out all those things at once?  They are related but need to maybe be dealt with one by one?

Sleep is first.  Is there somewhere you can stay other than your home?  Just for a day or two? Be with people that will help you calm down?  Even move your bed around.  

Think about what you could do to make going to work easier. Change the route? Talk to a couple people and don't go into detail, but ask them to give you a little supportive push?