Letting her go

[Aussieguy77]

The following is an email I sent to my separated wife on 20th December 2016

Dear Louisa

I'm writing to you because I don't know how else to approach this.
I've heard you and Wayne are now seeing eachother romantically and I'm actually surprised you waited as long as you did. I remember you telling me about your affair with Wayne on the night of 14th July. I guess I wanted to believe that you'd only said it to hurt me but the truth was you were having sex with a married father while you were married to me for your own selfish satisfaction. You must've thought I'd buried it and blocked it out because it was too painful but I never did.
That is the real reason you dropped the second charge in reality isn't it? Under oath you would've had to tell the court what you had told me and you couldn't cope with the consequences of your own deception and wrongdoing.

What's worse is that all that time you were telling me you loved me. You don't know the meaning of that word. If you could convince me that you loved me enough to get me to marry at all, why was my love not enough to stop you from opening your legs for someone else's husband?
You just kept telling me that I pushed you away. I never pushed you away Louisa. That is simply how you chose to see things and give yourself justification for what you were doing behind my back. The emptiness inside you that never allows you to actually feel love or even understand it means it is like pouring water into a well that has a fracture at its base. There will never be enough. It just seeps away and you can't retain it.

I'll never as long as I live forget you telling me it was Wayne. The shame. The hurt. The way you seemed to think that your reasoning could justify your betrayal. And all so soon after we finally got married. As I said, you don't know the meaning of the word love.
If you could have exciting sex with that man while I was wondering how I was supposed to stop your emotional withdrawal from me. Me believing your lies that it was me, that somehow our relationship issues were always my fault. But we both truly know who destroyed our family Louisa and you invited him into it for some selfish, ridiculous notion that I will never comprehend.

For seven long years you waited. Not always in silence on the matter either. But why when you finally got your wish and we married and loved eachother would you do this to me and Kieran?

Did we mean so little in comparison to your desire and lust?

And to have kept trying to convince me that it was my fault the marriage was over because of my actions that night is unconscionable when we look at who was having extramarital sex with a friend and brigade member.
Does your evil know no bounds?
Your cold and callous acts might have seemed passionate to you and him but they were daggers in my heart.

To finally hear the truth has set me free of you.
All I wanted was you to love me and stop triangulating our relationship with work but you did the unthinkable and added a whole new lover into our marriage and that is not only wrong but cruel and selfish. And all the while I was so confused as to why we got married and then you became unavailable in it... .

But we know why, don't we Louisa?
We both know who decided that sex with someone other than your husband was perfectly ok and even justified. That it was love and that it would be the relationship that was meant to be the one you were in.

And now you move on within four and a half months? It perfectly illustrates who gave themselves to the other on the 7th March 2015. Who actually meant their vows. Who was always going to be there. Who wouldn't cheat on you to fill some empty void that can never be filled because they don't understand what real love is.

Our family was my ultimate achievement. We'd made it after such ___ty starts in our lives but we'd succeeded. But to you we were just a phase. A chapter in your life that could be finished at any time you decided.
I had given up the idea of there ever being anything other than us. I gave myself to you for better or worse.
But you had decided to begin writing the next chapter before the current one was finished.

Neither of you spared a thought for Kieran. Or Wayne's children. Or Tiffany. Or me. You both just decided that your urges were more important than anyone you were going to hurt and I hate you because of that. To have promised for so long not to do what Desiree had done, you then did something far, far more hurtful and I will never forgive you or Wayne.
Both of your lack of control has ruined two once complete families and that blame lies squarely on the both of you. The life you and I started is in ruins because you felt that having sex with Wayne would somehow be alright. It isn't. It never was and never will be.

You're the adulterer. You're the sole reason our marriage has ended less than two years after it began at its higher level. I never cheated on you with anyone in eight and a half years. Not once. And I am not saying the opportunity or thought never arose because it did. I guess the thought of you stopped me from making such a monumental mistake. I only wish now that the same could've been said for your thoughts of me.

I have sent a photograph of Wayne and an explanation to your mother so she can try to understand how things escalated to the horrendous heights they did. Your deceitful cruelty has been exposed and you will never be able to hide from it. I will be telling Tiffany on Thursday after our custody hearing on Wednesday. She has a right to know what lowlives you and he truly are. You've both ruined your families because of your selfishness and deceit and you will both wear the consequences of that.

Just know that I loved you. Even through all you have directed at me I kept loving you. I never gave up on us. I never gave up on you. I never gave up on Kieran.
But I do not love you anymore and never will again. You burned that bridge, not me.

And so now I'm faced with the future without you. You and Wayne will fall apart as it is destined to and you'll still have to deal with all of the issues you've tried to run away from for all these years. You'll only repeat this same scenario over and over until you turn and face your inner demons. There was a time when I would've been there beside you to hold your hand and tell you it would be ok. To hold you and make you feel safe that I wouldn't leave you behind.

[Aussieguy77]

... .cont'd... .

But that time has passed and I will never give you my time, effort or love ever again. You made your choice the first time you had sex with Wayne then went back for more god knows how many times.


Goodbye Louisa.

Justin