healingjourney
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: January 31, 2017, 12:24:06 AM » |
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Hello,
I'm new here and I just wanted to get some support and gain some understanding of BPD. My parents were both NPD and I'm only familiar with narcissistic traits.
I recently got in a relationship who I believe suffers from BPD. He first showed up as such a gently, sensitive, charming, caring and compassionate person. As I started to get to know him, his personality started to change and what I mostly get now are the following behaviors:
- extreme anger (he could react to minor comments. If I say the word "Listen" in our conversation, he'd react with: Who the F*** do you think I am? You're going to tell me to "listen" to you? You're not my teacher and can't boss me around, go f*** yourself" and hang up the phone). Also, if I express any negative feelings, such as: "when you lied to me, I felt very hurt and my trust with you was deeply shaken, I need some time to rebuild it", he'd accuse me of being hostile with him and may threaten to end the relationship because he "always needs positivity" in this relationship.
- extreme jealousy (he has a daughter living in Mexico and was gone for 1 week. During that time, I went out with an old friend, the friend is about 65 years old guy. My partner got very jealous, came up with a scenario to teach me a lesson, made up a story to tell me he cheated on me. Then, when I reacted in anger, blame ME for the hostility and told me the relationship was over and that he lied to me to teach me a lesson not to go out with other men!)
I can't express my feelings in this relationship, no matter how gentle I present them! I'm a Compassionate Communication practitioner, so I do know how not to judge, how to always provide empathy, but this guy is just impossible to talk to!
He constantly threatens abandonment. He may tell me I'm the love of his life and it took him all his life to find me and the next day, he would say: "You are SO broken and hurt and you'll always try to find fault with me. I can't be with you anymore!" If I agree with him, he'd tell me he was just joking. He ended this relationship probably about 50 times in the last 3 months!
If I don't react to his angry outburst, he'd go into a victim mode and say: "You know how much I hate myself and how insecure I am! Why are you so hostile with me all the time?"
If I don't react to that, he may go into charming mode : "You know I think the world of you, and I love you so much! Why do you have to push me away?"
The only think the did work was this: for 1 entire month, I stayed firm and refused to see him and told him this: "You called me names (stupid ugly ___), you lied to me, you denied lying, you shift the blame. Those behavior are not ok in this relationship. You need individual counseling. If you don't go, the relationship is over!" He negotiated with me for the whole month trying to tell me that we need couples counseling and the a lot of problems were my fault. I kept telling him: "NO, abuse is NOT my fault".
So, he finally agreed to individual and some marriage counseling and we have a very powerful therapist and the first session went very well. But I am very scared because he's very resistant, wants to blame everything on me... .
And I'm completely drained, exhausted and he recently triggered my toxic shame... .now, I'm questioning my own insanity and asking: "Is it my fault? May be it's me who's broken, otherwise a person wouldn't treat me so badly?"
I'm so new to BPD, I'm still in shock. Could someone on this board please confirm that what I'm experiencing with this guy are sign of BPD?
Thank you for reading my post!
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