Possible BPD Wife

[boohead]

Hi Everyone

I recently told by our therapist that my wife may be BPD. I was advised not to tell her this, that the therapist should be the one to discuss this with her. While I am relived that I am not responsible for her actions I am very worried for her and our relationship ! Any help dealing with this ? 

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Boohead:   

I'm sorry that your wife may have BPD. What are some of the most disturbing behaviors you are currently dealing with?

 The label doesn't matter that much, because the best way to approach the situation is to deal with the specific behaviors.  You can't change her, but you can change how you interact with her and react to her.  By you making changes, you can improve your situation.

There are a lot of treat tools to the right of this post.  A good place to start is with the "Basic Tools".  Take a look at them and let us know what you think.  Validation (Don't be invalidating) and Boundaries can be helpful for you.

[boohead]

Most of the time she very sweet and loving, but when the switch flips she is a very different woman. She considers our encounters as " discussions " when in reality she does all the talking. When I make a comment she invalidates my comment and concerns . She does not raise her voice but I feel verbally abused . It has effected to so much that I dread having a discussion with her, even something such as where to eat out at !

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey boohead:  
I can hear how frustrating it must be for you.  Check out the two links below and give the strategy a try.   You have to set a consistent boundary with her. It can take time to get a desired result. There is a link to info. about boundaries in the margin to the right of this post (under, "What is the first step" - Basic Tools)

Perhaps you might want to think over some recent discussions and think about what boundaries you could have set.  Then start enforcing a boundary during an upcoming conversation. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but if you stay with it, you will likely gain some benefit.

Check out the lessons below:
STOP CIRCULAR ARGUMENTS - DON'T JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain)
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.0;all

ENDING CONFLICT
https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict