I have an extended family member with BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, I have a family member with BPD and have been the object of her wrath for long periods in the past and the attention has shifted to her mother this past year, but are awe ever in the clear? No. Never safe. So, it has taken a long time to get here, but I am stepping back in a huge way. No family events for me. No phone calls or texts. An innocent call I made yesterday ended abruptly to avoid descending into a dark abyss as often happens and it was twisted into something ugly. It was used against her mother and my BPD relative has systematically alienated her siblings and children to turn on her mom. Today I relived the pain of being singled out, shamed, blamed and not believed by the non BPD family. I cried. My heart aches for the mom here and I am so thankful I have a husband that always believed me and always encouraged me to step away. I just had to try, but now I know I am powerless and I need a break, a long break. Thanks for being here.

[YellowRose5775]

Hi, I have a family member with BPD and have been the object of her wrath for long periods in the past and the attention has shifted to her mother this past year, but are awe ever in the clear? No. Never safe. So, it has taken a long time to get here, but I am stepping back in a huge way. No family events for me. No phone calls or texts. An innocent call I made yesterday ended abruptly to avoid descending into a dark abyss as often happens and it was twisted into something ugly. It was used against her mother and my BPD relative has systematically alienated her siblings and children to turn on her mom. Today I relived the pain of being singled out, shamed, blamed and not believed by the non BPD family. I cried. My heart aches for the mom here and I am so thankful I have a husband that always believed me and always encouraged me to step away. I just had to try, but now I know I am powerless and I need a break, a long break. Thanks for being here.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome YellowRose5775:   

I'm sorry about your family situation.   Sometimes it is good to step back and take a break.  Many people find that they need to periodically go no contact (NC) or limited contact (LC) on occasions.  It doesn't mean that things can't change down the road.  I'm glad that your husband is supportive.   

If you are able to share some specific details on the recent situation, we can perhaps help guide you to some specific tools. 

The link below leads to some helpful information that might apply to your situation:
ESCAPING CONFLICT WITH THE KARPMAN DRAMA TRIANGLE

There is a large green band at the top of this page that has menus with links.  The "Tools" menu is a good place to start. 

There are a lot of helpful people here who are willing to share, listen and offer ideas.  We look forward to hearing more of your story, when you are ready to share.

[Kwamina]

Hi YellowRose5775

Sounds like you've been through a lot with that family-member. Your post makes clear that the way you have been treated has really hurt you. I am sorry you've had to deal with this pain, a family-member with BPD can really influence the entire family dynamic.

In your other post you mention that the possibility of your niece having BPD was suggested to you 5 to 6 years ago. Has knowing about BPD helped you better cope with this situation these last few years?

It is sad that her mother is now being abused by her. In your other post you mention that your sister is now also entertaining the idea that your family-member has BPD. Is your sister the mother of your BPD family-member?

I am glad you are reaching out for support. Welcome to  bpdfamily