trouble talking to spouse

[slcguy]

One of the triggers for my wife is that I do not talk to her as much as she would like.  I am not intentionally doing this, no "silent treatment".  It is just that I have a hard time thinking of anything to say.  She says I talk to everyone else but clam up with her and she has a point.  The problem is that I have to constantly censor myself or I will hit something that will trigger anger or a lecture.  Does anyone else have this problem?  It is just hard to have a spontaneous conversation with that constraint.  There are other issues that my difficulty in conversing with her.  We have been married almost 40 years so we know each other really well.  She has no interest in sports.  She has no interest in my work, except for interpersonal issues with co-workers but, now that I am semi-retired and work from home there is not much of that.  She does not want to make plans.  She does not want to discuss what needs to be done around the house or budgeting.  She gets tired of talking about our children.  She has a real need to talk since I am usually the only person she sees during the day.  Even though I work from home, I am on conference calls 4-5 hours a day as I am trying to train others to do my job, so I am talked out.  Also, it is true that I do "live in my head" much more than I should and I do tend to hyperfocus (if I am reading or doing some project, it is hard for me to disengage and start talking to her) so I have issues too.   Any suggestions on how I can be more involved and talkative would be appreciated.

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[Tattered Heart]

I have this exact same issue. I am an extroverted introvert meaning that I can easily engage with others and enjoy it but only for brief periods of time before I need quiet and solitude to recharge. My H is an introverted extroverts he enjoys talking with others but he has social anxiety so he doesn't talk much until he is home. This is a recipe for perfect storms.

I know that he requires interaction and engagement in conversation from me. One thing I try to do is set a small boundary with that. I'll say something  like, "I really want to spend time talking with you but I need a little downtime first. Can I take 15 minutes to go sit quietly then we can spend time together." Sometimes he agrees. Sometimes he dysregulates. Either way i know that I have shared my need for quiet. I wish he could understand my need for quiet time like I try to understand his need for interaction. I can't change him though. I can only honor myself first.