Feedback Request on Plans for Leaving Fiancee'

[Aiming4Kindness]

The BPD expert that my lawyer hired sent over the following plan for telling my uBPD fiancee that the relationship is over.  Our child is 9 months old.  I'd love feedback from anybody who has been down this load.

You'll see notes below about my fiancee' potential having some sort of panic attack in which she passes our and starts tremoring.  This is something that sometimes happens when she gets angry or extraordinarily stressed.  The last time I tried to leave (in June), she passed out on the floor and went into convulsions.  A few weeks ago, I called 911 when she had one of her episodes.

During the past few months, my fiancee' has made threats/jokes about stabbing me and my dog and about slitting my throat with a razor.

You'll also see a reference to France.  My fiancee' has dual citizenship in the country where we currently live and in France. 
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First choice is to get your aunt or other family member to babysit and have you and fiancee' go to a PUBLIC Restaurant alone. Should she refuse to do this, take your baby with you, but ask your aunt to be in the restaurant or right outside so that she can step in should fiancee' start screaming, having a panic attack with falling on the floor and shaking, etc. If that occurs, call 911 immediately and text your aunt to come to table and take baby home. Do not go to the ER with fiancee'. Let them take her if they believe it is important.


What you are going to say essentially is “You and I both know that our living together is not working. We can’t live together any longer. You are the mother of my child and I want to be fair to all three of us."

If she does not fall on the floor after that or if she attempts to leave with baby, call 911 ASAP. Propose the parenting plan we discussed for the short term and tell her to think about it -- no decisions have to be made in stone tonight.

If she refuses, tell her you will put her up in a hotel that night while baby stays at the house with you and your aunt. If she asks why, she has threatened to leave the country on several occasions before and you cannot take any chance of her abducting baby. (Get a hotel room before you go to dinner.) 

Give her the key and name of hotel, money for a taxi, and tell her you will be leaving now and you both will talk the next day. Get up, walk out, and do not get into any conflict or further discussion with her.

If she begins acting out -- 911. Explain the situation to the police, your concern about fiancee' being a danger to you and your fear that she will abduct your child to France, which is why baby is at home (hopefully) with your aunt.

[Soulcrushed4]

Are you or your lawyer thinking of filing an exparte motion of any sort to prevent her from leaving with the baby?
Or are you approaching in the hopes that being reasonable and non confrontational will go smoother?

I tried mediation with mine when our child was 5 months and it resulted in him deregulating and doing a two week suicide threat/attempts.

Does your lawyer recommend any preemptive actions legally?

Have you spoken with the police or any domestic abuse advocate about a safety plan in light of the threats or jokes you mentioned?

[Aiming4Kindness]

Are you or your lawyer thinking of filing an exparte motion of any sort to prevent her from leaving with the baby?
Or are you approaching in the hopes that being reasonable and non confrontational will go smoother?

The original plan is that I'd take these steps at night, and then first thing in the morning, lawyer would go into court to file paperwork that will prevent her from leaving the state, order for all three of our passports to be held by my lawyer, and, if she doesn't agree to a nesting plan off the bat, a request for temporary full custody for me until some sort of formal arrangement is set for now.

L will be requesting that I be given final medical decision making over our child.

L will also be requesting a formal order that a nanny be with baby 24/7 to prevent false allegations of child abuse/neglect against me and to make sure that baby stays safe should fiancee' have some sort of medical episode.

I tried mediation with mine when our child was 5 months and it resulted in him deregulating and doing a two week suicide threat/attempts.

Soulcruhed4, oh man, two weeks of suicide threats... .That must have been so hard on you.

Have you spoken with the police or any domestic abuse advocate about a safety plan in light of the threats or jokes you mentioned?

I went into the local police station and spoke with a cop last week.  The cop told me that I can't do much preemptively, other than go through the courts to file the paperwork mentioned above.