JohnWick
Fewer than 3 Posts
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: In a relationship
Posts: 1
|
|
« on: November 30, 2024, 03:44:16 AM » |
|
Hi all,
This is my first post here. I’m reaching out for guidance in what has become one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Around a year ago, I entered a long-distance romantic relationship with someone who initially felt like a perfect match. We connected deeply, shared so much, and had a truly beautiful start. As time passed, our relationship became more serious, especially after we spent an incredible vacation together this past June.
As our bond grew, she opened up to me about her struggles and past traumas. I offered her my unconditional support, and we both expressed our love for each other. It felt like a profound connection built on honesty, trust, and mutual care. However, after she returned to her home country, things began to shift.
In late July, she confided in me about her diagnosis of BPD—something I hadn’t been aware of until then. Her therapist had suggested that she take a step back from our relationship to focus on her healing before jumping into a relationship with someone. One of the reason she suggested doing that, my GF said, was to avoid unintentionally causing harm to me.
I supported her decision fully, despite the heartbreak it brought me, promising her to stand by her side, something which I would have done regardless—my love for her is deep and I made sure she knew I would’ve never ran away. She followed up with a heartfelt letter in August, reiterating her need to focus on herself, and hence stepping back “officially”, while promising to nurture the connection we had in the meantime. Though painful, I understood her reasoning and hoped that this time apart would strengthen her and, eventually, us, as she also said that she was doing this to be better prepared for a future together and to better handle the long-distance part of our relationship.
But what followed has been far more difficult than I could have imagined.
Since August, her communication has dwindled to almost nothing. We used to have regular video calls, but they’ve become sporadic at best. She replies to my messages only once a month, if that, and her responses are brief and distant. In September, she suggested catching up via video call, which I really wanted to do, but then she didn’t reply afterward, disappearing again. When I reached out in October through an email, she assured me that she wasn’t ignoring me on purpose but that she had been feeling like “less of herself, or perhaps more like herself” and had withdrawn into reclusiveness. She expressed that she’d enjoy catching up, but after that email, I’ve heard nothing further from her to this date.
I’m devastated. Every day feels like a struggle as I navigate this silence and the uncertainty of where we stand. I’ve seen the light in her eyes and the kindness in her soul. I know the beauty of who she is, even with her challenges. I can’t stop loving her or holding on to the hope that she’ll return to me when she’s ready.
Throughout this silence, I’ve continued to send her messages of support, reaffirming my love and commitment to her. I’ve tried to express that I’m here for her, no matter how hard things get. But deep down, I fear that my efforts might be making things worse or pushing her further away.
I feel stuck in a cycle of hope and heartache. I don’t know how to move forward when there’s no clarity on whether our relationship still has a future. And yet, I can’t seem to let go of the love I feel for her, no matter how painful it has become.
I’m reaching out to this community for advice and perspective. How do I navigate this silence while still holding space for her healing? Should I continue reaching out, or is it better to give her even more space, despite the lack of communication? And most of all, how do I take care of my own heart in the midst of this overwhelming uncertainty?
If you’ve faced something similar or have insights to share, I would be so grateful. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for offering your thoughts. Your kindness means the world to me.
With gratitude, JohnWick
|