Grateful for Group

[iendp]

I've been grieving the loss of contact with my adult child, who may have a BPD diagnosis. I stumbled upon this group while researching her symptoms. I found the posts very helpful. It's hard to know what to do and what not to do when she has asked for time and space to heal. She has not contacted any member of our family (nor responded) in four years. The possible BPD diagnosis is helpful in letting go of guilt and recognizing that I did not cause this. It is also helpful in healing my own wounds so a future relationship with her can be better and stronger and have better boundaries for both of us.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi iendp
I am glad you have found us because it is so helpful knowing that others are in exactly the same place as ourselves.

The pain can be so hard to bear, but knowing what BPD looks like in everyday life - the cut off and disconnect as part of this awful condition - can be really helpful in being able to have the full picture of what is happening.

I hope you can heal from any guilt. Like all of us here, you have done everything that you can on this journey. We wouldn't be here if we hadn't tried to understand, to support.

[Ourworld]

Hello IendP,

This site does help and give much support. I don’t know the age of your daughter, but mine is now 39 and from what I have seen she is finally truly beginning to heal. She was in a very unhealthy marriage and didn’t admit there was problem until she was forced to leave because her husband went into psychosis. It’s funny how God works to heal people, the ex-husband he is doing ok now and being taken care of y the VA.
She hasn’t contacted me yet, but I’m fairly certain she’s getting treatment now, and no longer self-medicating with booze and pot.
But there is a lot to unload, so I hope she will eventually get in touch.

I’m sorry to talk about my situation, but I do understand your pain, my own daughter has not communicated with me for 12 years except to tell me how messed up I was and that all her negative choices in her life were my fault. Which of course, I know are not true, but I was still glad she even acknowledged me.
There is hope, it’s difficult to be patient as God peels back the layers from this awful disorder, but everything will work itself out over time.
Once a person with BPD hits their mid-to-late 30’s logic and order should return, but just know that until then, their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs seem to be out of whack. (Called emotional dysregulation because their emotions have the control)

Take Care, OurWorld