Younger sister with Complex PTSD and unacknowledged BPD

[serenakin]

I would like help from others who have ongoing experience with a sibling that has never acknowledged her BPD, never revealed if various counselors have perhaps diagnosed her with BPD. In her younger years, she (and several mostly well-intentioned, but naive family members) blamed her behavior on alcohol and drugs.....as a safer alternative to her "being crazy". Twenty or so years ago, she was given the diagnosis of Complex PTSD, which for her was a life saver --- This meant to her that she was "not crazy". This gave her a way to make sense of her behavior after a life of serious traumatizing events.
While this diagnosis has been very helpful, and more regulating, her inner world remains in emotional turmoil , exploding from violent rage toward others, to violent rage toward herself, to crippling shame, to gentle and loving sweetness. 
She keeps trying to "make sense" of her life, her choices, her misfortunes, her abandonments (beginning at a very young age).   She forgives.....and then continuously blames -- others and herself.
I do not feel willing to bring up the scary, scary perhaps to her, diagnosis label of 'Borderline' and 'Disorder'. 
Does anyone here have experience with this difficult (to me) predicament?  I am really hoping to find folks here to share and to hear what it is like to want to support a sibling, but are stumped. 

[Methuen]

I do not feel willing to bring up the scary, scary perhaps to her, diagnosis label of 'Borderline' and 'Disorder'. 

You are very wise.  This would be counterproductive, and would likely blow up.

I am not a sibling, but the daughter of a pwBPD.

In my experience, and the experience of many people in the books I have read, the "predicament" isn't "how to help fix" the pwbpd.

Accepting that is key.

Instead, we have to work on ourselves, and how to navigate this complex personality while taking care of ourselves.

It's a real shift in thinking.

Many people here have siblings with BPD, so I think you will hear a number of helpful perspectives.

Welcome to our forum!

[Notwendy]

I do not feel willing to bring up the scary, scary perhaps to her, diagnosis label of 'Borderline' and 'Disorder'. 

I agree with Methuen. Trust your gut with this one. Denial and projection are two aspects of BPD.

I have an elderly mother with BPD. As far as she is concerned, she's fine. It's other people who have issues. Telling her she has BPD would be not only useless, she would get angry.

Obviously the only reason anyone would tell her this is to try to get her help for the situation and it would not work or help to do this.

Methuen also makes a good point that we can't change anyone else- and we can only do so much to try to help if someone isn't willing to allow it participate in that help.

The idea of "working on ourselves" isn't for them- it's not to be a better enabler or helper. It's about managing our own feelings and expectations. It can also mean considering our own boundaries with that person.