I'm curious, I can't think of seeing any meaningful discussion on the issue of increased suicide rates among children of BPD parents both in youth and adulthood, except what's covered in Christine Ann Lawson's magnum opus "Understanding the Borderline Mother" (definitely strongly recommend, think I wrote a book review in the book review section of these forums if you're curious).
I grew up with mentally ill parents, undiagnosed (but not just saying that like everyone does, I'm not like the other girls! I mean it! heh) - but then did the fatal Freudian thing of not having saved my mother from mental illness, found a diagnosed wife who was waaaay worse and told myself I'd help her instead. (We're talking "I don't know how many times I've tried to kill myself I've lost count, I might've tried to throw myself off a cliff but I don't remember it but it sounds possible, I cycle through euphoria and depression 2-3x daily, one meaningful murder attempt, couple of half-hearted murder attempts I guess, and sadly bemoans that her mental health is worse in her 30s than it was in her 20s, worse in her 20s than her teens, and that she has no memories of the ages 9 through 11 (the same ages her father acknowledges an inappropriate relationship with her, not coincidentally)...
...and yes, before I realised how insanely parasuicidal it was marrying this person (who had literally already tried to kill me, we're deep into Call Me Misty territory) and before I woke up and filed for divorce, we had a child who now splits some time at Dad's, some time at Mom's (Courts awarded her decision-making which is disastrous, saying they "preferred her narrative"...yeah, but obviously you prefer her narrative - I prefer the narrative where it rains lollipops and gumdrops, doesn't mean jack what we wish were true
)).
Anyways, oldest child is not quite a teenager and displays many of the same traits that his mother did growing up, but revealed about a year ago that not only does he scream about ending his life if he doesn't get the fast food he wants or whatever (apparently that works on Mom), but had a serious conversation with me about what adults would call suicide ideation - I took him to a therapist of the same cultural background as him and he liked the experience as I promised nobody would ever find out what he told her, not even me or Mom it was "totally anonymous". Unfortunately that didn't hold up, because the therapist took me aside to explain they had to call authorities because he revealed strong desires to carry out a school massacre and made a reference to having been sexually abused by his mother (incest and MAP allegations are sadly a bit of a thing in her history....YES, I WAS A MORON WHEN YOUNG). They called authorities, Mom played her "decisionmaking" card and forbid the child to have any contact with the therapist again (professional in her country agrees that for years the mother would be the one giving information on him in every session, he would mostly refuse to engage and stand mute or have fits, but she wouldn't leave the room so they had to treat them "together"...which also presumably kept him from revealing anything).
So he gets in trouble from her for having referenced the sexual abuse, clams up about it, but is still highly troubled (he's been suspended from school more times than even the school keeps records of, usually violence/bullying) - though of course he's miraculously almost completely cured whenever he's in Dad's care...then goes back to Mom and mimics the insanity in the home. It's a messy case so authorities here try to play it off as the other country's jurisdiction since that's where the Mom lives, authorities there try to play it off as this country's jurisdiction since the only witnessed abuse happened in this country and years later he only told someone in this country about it not in their country).
Anyways, he was just suspended for a week and I'm trying to get to the bottom of why as I try to help him as best I can - seems like the reason was related to telling another child to kill himself; week-long suspension is (oddly) longer than he got for threatening to bring a weapon to school to kill classmates and he's hesitant to talk about it so I'm thinking this wasn't just a heated playground insult "go kill yourself ****head" type thing but sounds from what I've gleaned like it may've been more of a "counselling a peer to suicide" thing. Obviously extremely concerning - and presumably projection of his own suicidalism. Again, he's not even quite a teenager yet (years ago right after I filed for divorce, when he was (infuriatingly) alone with his mother, he was seen to have cut his hand with a razor blade - something he's witnessed the mother do (well her wrists and legs) many times...so self-harm and suicidalism are learned behaviors here.
Annnnyways, sorry for the trauma-dump there - back to the topic at hand, I'd love if anybody has some studies or links for helping children of that age who are dealing with...explosive...passive suicidalism, or has some numbers on actualisation; where he's male obviously the risks of completion are higher than females in the same situation. I'm still fighting like hell in the courts to try and get him out of there, but keep hitting the brick wall of "well the mother's had a really tough life, and you don't sound like you've improved her life at all now have you, you unfeeling monster, so let's just prefer her narrative and leave the kids there". The most insane thing I've seen written by a court-appointed official was that since the Mother refuses to allow the child to be screened for sexual abuse and refuses to allow the official to review documents including where the mother has referenced past child sexual abuse, therefore the official recommends that the Court "wait until he reaches adulthood and see what he voluntarily wishes to disclose as an adult about his sexual relationship with his mother" which...I don't know, maybe if you're the type, you cry and go get drunk to deal with the fury of seeing those words, but I'm not the type so I'm left carrying this around.
So in part I'm desperate for resources, but in part I'm just aching to read the stats and better apprise myself of what may ultimately need to be done to reduce the threat to the kid's life from himself now and in the future. (Other than fighting like hell for the courts to override the mother and order him out of her care and screened for incest and sexual abuse).
Thanks
PS: If this seems a bit different than some of my past posts, that's because this is a multi-faceted issue here; so yes, we also have a daughter and she's also screwed up though not suicidal (so far as anyone knows) and not even close to as disturbed though. I've never witnessed abuse of the daughter but the mother's special friend (who was also previously her molesting father's best friend) who was in and out of their home with gifts and birthday parties as basically Big Ole Creepy Uncle, was just convicted last year after taking a plea deal to avoid being questioned about video of him raping a toddler; FBI has declined to confirm or deny the presumed identity of the child victim but I had previously raised alarm BEFORE his arrest and raid, that my daughter showed signs of sexual abuse. (Really absurdly stressful position as a single dad with an elementary-school age daughter, reaching out to contact people because she's inappropriately sexual, non-verbally suggesting some male in her life has abused her) - anyways, that monster's got a federal sentence and is in jail but wouldn't you know it...the mother has informed the family court that she also refuses to allow the daughter to be screened for sexual abuse, insisting that Big Ole Creepy Uncle never did anything to her...even if sibling did ask whether Big Ole Creepy Uncle was arrested for taking pictures of their butts).
It's difficult not to dox myself here, I've tried to be mostly accurate in every detail but also to keep things as anonymous as possible because...heck man, life ain't easy up in here. If you recognise any details, please keep quiet about it or reach out via PM only. [blackpilled pepe meme goes here]
