Bpd and Christianity

[Kitkat1990]

Does anyone else have experience with someone with bpd and religion? My sister who struggles with undiagnosed bpd, is very obsessed with the end times, I am a christian as well but don't believe the exact things theologically as she does. It is always a huge point of contention because of her obsession with the end times, if I don't agree or go along with her she acts like I'm rejecting Jesus, Its feels super controlling and like I cannot have separate beliefs from her, she acts like she is on a higher spiritual level than anyone else in the family, she  believes that God is speaking to her personally through dreams and visions and she watches these youtube vidoes of people claiming to be prophets. Last time she came to visit for my nephews graduation we all went out to eat and she got triggered by the loud noises in the restaurant and a comment my stepmom made to her and she ended up having an episode in the parking lot and was screaming and ranting about the spirit of religion and the mark of the beast, to this day she claims what she did was the Holy Spirit telling her to do that. I am terrified of any conversation with her about the Bible, Jesus or my Faith, she is against Churches and Pastors and is not very accepting of me being part of a local church, has anyone else experienced this and any suggestions on how to handle it? I know that trying to talk to her will just make things worse or send her into a splitting episode

[Notwendy]

Even if two people have the same religion, each person has their own individual relationship with God. If we understand that BPD affects all relationships and also includes disorered thinking, then a pwBPD would have disordered ideas about religion too.

If a pwBPD was saying unusual things about another topic, it may seem less concerning, but when it's religion, and that is our religion too, we tend to assign more importance to what they are saying. There's an air of authority when someone speaks in religious terms. But it's still their own interpretation of them. When she wants you to agree with her and you don't- and she accuses you, keep in mind, just because she thinks it doesn't make it true.

It may help to keep in mind that we can't change anyone's thoughts or feelings. To try to correct her thinking or defend yourself won't be effective and it would add to the drama.

The tools for how to validate can help with this situation too. PwBPD have a poor sense of self and she may be looking at religion to validate her own self worth. We don't have to validate the invalid- but we can validate the feelings and avoid JADE. If she brings up something you don't agree with- validate the feeling "I can see where your faith is important to you". You don't have to explain your point of view.

While your sister may have persistent focus on her ideas, considering how you can have boundaries on how much you wish to be involved in these discussions may help. Try to not JADE, change the subject, or shorten the visit if this becomes a circular discussion. Your faith is yours.  What she says doesn't change that.