Hello to this new platform for me. I happened across it while doing some research on BPD discard.
to think that until 2 years ago, I was ignorant to what BPD was, along with so much of the terminology that goes along with this terrible disorder.
I met such a terrific person 3 years ago. And man I tell you - he seemed to check ALL the boxes for a good friendship!
He was quite younger than myself, so I really did not expect nor did I feel that anything would come out of it. He told me that his dad was mistreating/abusing him at home and he merely needed someone to listen to him when he felt down.
Being that I know how this felt, I could not turn him away. What could it hurt to listen and help this seeming poor guy, since I was the older more mature guy.
When I say he was a charmer....I mean he could charm the bark off of a tree!!
He was so intelligent and talented too.
After about a year in this friendship, he began to refer to me as his "best friend and uncle". Which actually was flattering to me. He had even told me numerous times that I treated him better than his biological father, whom he bashed often when speaking with me. I felt so sorry for this person. He really needed help, so I thought.
Within this 1 year timeframe is when he told me he had BPD. He mentioned vaguely that this was "one" of his disorders. I still did not delve deep into this disclaimer of his. Nor did he ever reveal to me any of his other mental challenged. Mainly because it sounded so innocent, harmless. I did not question him either to avoid making him uncomfortable.
But I did encourage him to get therapy. I offered to accompany him if he needed support. This never transpired.
I felt comfortable around him. Since I live alone, I told him that if he ever needed to either take a break from his home life with his one parent, his father, or if he ever felt so threatened that he would feel he needed to come live with me, all he would need to do is ask. The summer of 2024 he moved in with me. And for a spell, everything appeared normal. Until it wasn't.
I noticed that he repeated fabricated stories that were unnecessary and totally untrue. Many times I just overlooked these tales, justifying that it was perhaps part of his BPD. The times I would call him out on these lies, he'd apologize, many times with tears in his eyes. He would ask me to continue to be patient, which I was. I would continuously forgive him, overlooking the harm it was causing me. This went on for 8 months living under the same roof. In time I found out that he was being deceptive from the outset, for 2 plus years up to this point. So almost for 3 years!! Finally I was outraged and shouted at him so harshly "STOP LYING TO ME!" It was explosive. To this day I regret my reaction. I have apologized to him repeatedly. Hoping that we could gain something from it all and become better friends. He even said that it was alright and that if I needed to do so, I could do it again. Which I found that to be an odd invite!??!
Immediately after this upheaval, he gathered some of his personal items and moved out. I mean like a steaming bull. He was HOT with me. I even felt threatened because he was so bitter and unreasoning. Especially after telling me that he forgave me.
I could not figure out what I did so wrong when he was the person undermining this friendship.
He left many of his cherished possessions in his room. These items remain in tact to this very day. He has returned occasionally to gather some things. But all in all, most of his personal belongings are still in his room. I do not want to go through the labor and emotions to pack it up or do anything with this stuff. It is his and he needs to be a man and get them if they hold any value in his heart. Personally I feel I did enough for him and I do not want to extend him any other favors. I am done expending myself in his behalf.
I am sorry that this message is so lengthy. I just wanted to vent.
While he and I were friends, he slandered many of his other friends. Disowning many of them. Even his family members. I should have figured that someday it would be me in their position. But I loved this person as a whole. Now he has monkey branched back to these people that he claimed to have disliked, including his so called abusive father. And I am sure he is now bad mouthing me.
I felt responsible for his leaving our friendship so abruptly. I still feel hurt that he would throw me away like garbage, when he caused all of this chaos and betrayal...I didn't! All I ever tried to do was show him his worth. Yet for 5 months now he has ghosted me, not returned my calls or texts just to say hello. Nor has he attempted asking for his personal items from his room.
I am getting better now, in part because of therapy and some other platforms. Deep within my soul I know that I was could have been a good person for him, had he placed any value on a true, loving, giving, loyal friendship. I am trying to wrap my head around this entire experience. Because, had I a friend who treated me as well as I did him, I would be extremely grateful for that person in my life. Especially if I had to really endure the tumultuous life he claimed to be having with his dad. If indeed any of his life stories were factual/real.
I have/am learning a lot from this. I truly feel for the many people who suffer at the cost of pwBPD. I feel bad for those afflicted with BPD, because they miss out on lovely, vibrant, and nurturing relationships due to their not getting the help that is available.
Thank you for allowing me to exhale here on this platform. I need to be strong, because he may one day look around the corner wanting to rekindle a friendship. I do not want to fall for this type of treatment from him or anyone ever again. Without the ingredient of trust - any fruitful, trustful relationship cannot grow.
