Ahhhh…I just want to scream! My uBPDh split about a week ago, as usual, I have no idea why. As we are currently living apart, as he is on probation and there was a protection order on me, which I have adjusted so we could live together, but have decided to not do so until he is off probation. He showed up to our son’s basketball game this past Saturday with my stepdaughter. My youngest wanted to go with him after the game as she wanted to see her stepsister, as she rarely sees her. I agreed, as he was in his phase where he treats the kids like royalty but anyone else, especially me, like crap. The next morning, he texts me to say he will drop her off at our house at 10:40. Ok. Essentially, I am a single mom of 4 very active kids right now, that works part time, has a prn position and just interviewed for another PRN position as I can’t afford to support 4 kids(including paying for daycare on the days we both work cause why would it be his responsibility to do so), myself, all of our house bills and living bills. I am completely exhausted, if I am to do anything for myself I have to get up at 4 or 5 am to attempt to work out. My D, SD and H get to the house and I was upstairs getting ready for the day. I come downstairs and of course get a face because I didn’t run over to the door. H and SD leave and my daughter gets upset because I took my other daughter to get her nails done as we had planned to do, but my youngest chose to go with my h. My D starts crying because of this and my H comes flying back in the house. That threw me over the edge as he wants no responsibility, he was ready to go to the gym and do for him, but tried to make it seem like he was this amazing dad. I loathe it and did not walk away like I should have. After that, he text me “to document” that he was the one comforting our children, blah blah blah! I just erased it and went on with my day. I gave space for a couple of days, then reached out to let him know that the kids and I had gotten safely to our vacation spot for Thanksgiving and then on Thanksgiving to say happy Thanksgiving, that we loved him and missed him. I got no response. This is not the first time he has done this, I plan to just continue to give space and to reach out to his sister, who knows the situation, on Monday if I don’t hear from him to make sure he is ok. I know when he doesn’t respond it is best to give space. I am struggling, but feel for my kids, as they deserve to have their dad be a part of their lives everyday and that’s not possible.
As if things are not hard enough, my kids and I are away to celebrate Thanksgiving with my side of the family. While my H was first excited to go, he then backed out. My parents are older and while healthy, my dad struggles with his memory and their lives are very different than mine or my sister’s (who has 1 child). My sister has always been very opinionated and pushes her way of life onto everyone. Prior to our trip I had to have a meeting with her, at her request, to agree on a plan for when the kids can use iPads on our trip, as she won’t let her son watch and I don’t care if and when my kids do. Her “compromise” was that iPads not be brought in the vacation!
to which I didn’t agree. Well, tonight my sister was talking to my mom at dinner, her son bumped into my mom and my mom turned her attention to him for a split second. My sister lost it in my mom. Stood up, started sternly talking to my mom as her boyfriend (of 27 years she refuses to get married) walks out. I ask her to leave as well as I am not ok making a scene, to which she tells me then that I should leave. She tells her son to leave, and he asks to stay with my kids, to which she does not agree. They finally leave. I take my parents back to the house as well as my kids. My d11 was crying at the restaurant, her response to fighting. She is covered in a rash when we get home. I ask my sister if she has any Benadryl and she loses it on me, that I have all of these issues and why am I backing my parents, blah blah blah. I told her that I refuse to talk to her when she is amped up, and that I am leaving to get my daughter medication. I get back, and my sister is verbally attacking my mom in the kitchen with all of the kids around. I ask her to stop and do this another time when tempers are lower and she starts screaming at me. I tell her my daughter was crying and that is unacceptable. She then goes into my mom bed room and continues her verbal assault. My dad goes to step in and she verbally attacks him (he is 80) my sister tells him to stay out and he says no that’s my wife you are talking to. He then goes to my sisters boyfriend and my sister storms out and screams so loud at my dad slams doors, etc All of the kids are screaming at this point. I go to comfort the kids, including my nephew, she comes to get him and try’s to apologize to the kids but I close the door. About an hour later, she comes up and asks if I need any help packing…um no not from you! I don’t even know what to do. My sister and I are very close, and so are our kids, they play sports together, etc…but honestly I don’t want anything to do with her right now. No I am sure that I am not perfect and I am sure my parents aren’t either, but WTF! That was NOT ok and I think we need some space from her for a long time. I don’t think that I can just pretend that didn’t happen…I just want to hide in a cave with my kids! Not really! But I can’t deal with others issues any more!
