Messy family court battle

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi everyone, My husband has a 8 year old son who he shares with his ex partner who has BPD. She was diagnosed in 2012 and has completed DBT back then. The relationship was on and off for most of the 9 years spent together. My husband said at the start of the relationship she was suicidal and made attempts many times to end her life. Fast forward, they had a child together and ended up breaking up when he was just about to turn 1. Both lived in the state she was from, where he family and friends reside but she did not want to live here anymore as she did not want to be around her controlling mother ( we believe she has undiagnosed BPD) so she, my husband and their son moved out of state. Both had shared custody (50/50) until July 2024. She has made false accusations of my husband, claiming their relationship was made of domestic violence and that he was abusive throughout the 9 year relationship. His son has asthma and has constipation issues that he has had since he was born. She does not medicate him, she believes he does not need any medication. It is so frustrating and heart breaking to witness this. My husband, my mother in law and my husbands cousin have given her nothing but support after breaking up, giving her support with child and help. She had a big breakdown and she could not handle having child around so he was in my husbands care for 6 weeks while she became better and treated herself. She is now saying that the child was kidnapped from her care and that she did not consent to that. She has a protection order with herself and child on it. My husband has only had supervised visits the entire time and he would like to have this lifted. Her mother is highly controlling and has undiagnosed BPD.

[coxphoecox]

Hi everyone, My husband has a 8 year old son who he shares with his ex partner who has BPD. She was diagnosed in 2012 and has completed DBT back then. The relationship was on and off for most of the 9 years spent together. My husband said at the start of the relationship she was suicidal and made attempts many times to end her life. Fast forward, they had a child together and ended up breaking up when he was just about to turn 1. Both lived in the state she was from, where he family and friends reside but she did not want to live here anymore as she did not want to be around her controlling mother ( we believe she has undiagnosed BPD) so she, my husband and their son moved out of state. Both had shared custody (50/50) until July 2024. She has made false accusations of my husband, claiming their relationship was made of domestic violence and that he was abusive throughout the 9 year relationship. His son has asthma and has constipation issues that he has had since he was born. She does not medicate him, she believes he does not need any medication. It is so frustrating and heart breaking to witness this. My husband, my mother in law and my husbands cousin have given her nothing but support after breaking up, giving her support with child and help. She had a big breakdown and she could not handle having child around so he was in my husbands care for 6 weeks while she became better and treated herself. She is now saying that the child was kidnapped from her care and that she did not consent to that. She has a protection order with herself and child on it. My husband has only had supervised visits the entire time and he would like to have this lifted. Her mother is highly controlling and has undiagnosed BPD.

[ForeverDad]

Both had shared custody (50/50) until July 2024. She has made false accusations of my husband, claiming their relationship was made of domestic violence and that he was abusive throughout the 9 year relationship.

In the USA family courts appear to have a policy that they disregard unsubstantiated allegations older than 6 months.  Essentially the undocumented "he said... she said..." is viewed as hearsay and then set aside.  Yes, they'll take a quick look but I recall when I was testifying about my ex's behavior the magistrate stopped me at the 6 month mark.  Of course, officials will pay closer attention when there is documentation or evidence of child abuse or child neglect.  But most courts get so many emotion-based allegations that they may quickly react just in case but then have a more skeptical stance when there isn't any substance behind the claims, as in smoke versus fire.

I explain it this way... picture a person calling emergency services saying, "My ex almost burned down my house last week!"  Imagine the responder replying, "It's not an emergency now, call back when you have an ongoing emergency."

Check your local state or country's laws, procedures and policies in case it is similar where you live.

For the benefit of others here, I previously mentioned some other ideas on your prior post.