Father of Adult Daughter with BPD

[Great-Lakes-Mitt]

Hello,

My adult daughter has pretty much shown all of the BPD traits, which started in her late teens. At the time, I was in the military and dealing with my own struggles so I passed it off as typical teenage BS.

I’m now in my 60s, have remarried (15 years ago), live in a different state, and have been estranged from her and her son for four years.

Looking back now, it’s quite clear that she has BPD and that I had no clue therefore most interactions with her did not go well!

I want very much to have a relationship with my daughter and grandson so anything I can learn to move in that direction would be appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[In4thewin]

Hi Mitt. Was there something in particular that happened/was said leading to your estrangement? Some additional information might be helpful to others in providing you with advice.

[Sancho]

Hi Great-Lakes-Mitt and welcome
Your position is different in that you have been no contact for quite some time and live a fair distance from your DD and GS. Do you have any information on how DD is going at the moment -why I ask is that for some people with BPD, the symptoms can lessen, while for others that is not really the case.

So I think first step would be to try to find out how your DD is travelling at the moment if you don't already know. Is that possible. It makes a huge difference as to how you move forward for many different reasons: it might open the door to considerable problems for you and it might trigger your DD's intense sense of abandonment which she may be coping okay with.

Is there any contact at all that you have kept up over the years eg Christmas/birthday and if so how has that gone? Sorry for all the questions!