I freeze and fawn too. It even happens with strangers. I was at a restaurant when a woman at a nearby table said something mean to me. I had a freeze and fawn reaction. It was really out of line but there are disordered people everywhere.
I've been on the receiving end of snarky, rude comments in public as many of us have. I ignore it and smile to not egg the person on. Or I just ignore it with a blank face like it didn't happen. I try to get away from them as soon as I can.
I think if we try to make connections with people, there's some risk to that, but the alternative is to not have friends at all. When someone breaks my trust though, it's very difficult but I get better at not letting it get to me as much.
It recently happened with someone who I thought was a friend. Well, she disagreed with something- remotely connected to me but not directly- it was with a person I also worked with. Her reaction- to block and unfriend everyone connected with that person. So, I found myself blocked, unfriended and without any contact with her and it's gone on for several months now.
My first reaction was similar to how I reacted to BPD mother- as if this was something I needed to fix. Emotionally, I was distraught - I think far more than the actual situation called for. I think this brought out the response to- if BPD mother is angry, I needed to somehow fix it as if it was my fault. I did try to reach out to her with no results.
It's not like me to discard friendships like that, and unless it's a major transgression, I try to work it out, if possible. But this was the familiar BPD like split. Sometimes we don't see something disordered until we do. I'm not upset about it anymore.
For the moment though, I am less inclined to try to form a new friendship with anyone. I don't think it's good to self isolate but also, I feel a need to be protective for now.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't blame you for stepping back. We have PTSD from a young age from being emotionally abused by my our mothers. It's exhausting to deal with these situations as an adult since it brings up hurt and anger from a very early age when you were totally dependent on this person.
I had incidents with another relative and her spouse on my vacation last year where I was treated in a pleasant manner but can't help thinking it was cruel and self-serving. They repeated painful information only my brother would know. Then they tried acting like they were my best friend trying to help me.
I can't help but think they were pumping me for information as flying monkeys to my disordered brother in hopes of broadening his smear campaign against me. I wanted to be honest and confront it and them. I sensed doing that would ignite their own smear campaign against me. I played dumb and ignored them. I was pleasant and began talking about unrelated things. They persisted when I saw them gossiping about others to get a reaction out of me. I believe they planned to spread my reaction around to smear me. I ignored it. It was unnerving but didn't know how else to protect myself.
I promised her some photos when we got back home. She seemed excited that I was going to send them. I really didn't want to and procrastinated but finally did thinking I misread their intentions. I was giving them the benefit of the doubt. She wrote back saying, I have these. There was no acknowledging my effort or a thank you. I saw her and her husband at a large family gathering recently. She stood away but her husband told me to stop overtalking people the minute I said hello. Maybe this was from the summer? It was out of context. I ignored it though I can't say it didn't sting.
I plan to return to this vacation spot this summer. I have a right to be there. I plan to stay away from these people though. It's exhausting. I tried being kind and friendly to them. It's very disappointing.
