BPD thwarts understanding of their own issues?

[mssalty]

My PWBPD is going to counseling for other issues and has seen many different people.  They don’t understand why their issues aren’t improving. 

What I’ve noticed is that when the issues are talked about, they tend to want to justify their feelings and issues rather than tackle them.  Rather than understand what’s going on, they take the therapy itself as worthless because ultimately the problem can’t be internal to them or their thinking.  It has to have an external cause.   

When they ask me for opinions and help, they are rejected if I broach the idea that there may be flawed thinking involved. 

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[Under The Bridge]

Rather than understand what’s going on, they take the therapy itself as worthless because ultimately the problem can’t be internal to them or their thinking.  It has to have an external cause.

That's 100% the whole problem isn't it? If they think they're never at fault or the main contributors to the chaos it's impossible to get them to change their thoughts. My exBPD would never have gone to any kind of therapy because, in her own often-used words, she was doing nothing wrong while the whole world shi**ed on her all the time.

Trying to explain that the entire world can't be against her and she is the common denominator in all the life-long chaos with her family, workplace, friends, previous partners and me was just impossible.

Yet having said all that, some posters here say that their partner has actually acknowledged they have a problem and taken some responsibility. All well and good but of course once the BPD kicks in full flow they're back to their 'never at fault' thinking.

I hope things do improve for you, it's such a powerless feeling when we can't get through to them and make them see.

[Pook075]

I agree competely with Under.  There's no "honest" answer here to give to that type of question. 

It makes me think of when my wife asks me, "Do this dress make me look fat?"  I have a clear, instant answer that I can give and if she looks great, I tell her.  But what if she doesn't?  What's the "real" answer she's looking for?  That's too much thinking for me and I always say that it looks just fine, regardless.

A BPD will improve once they're ready to look within.  From our group expeirences, I think that only happens when life gets so utterly terrible, getting help actually feels like the best option.  Until then, therapy is used as a sounding board to talk endlessly about the lousy people in their live and how nobody supports them emotionally.

So in a way, your BPD person is right- the therapy is basically worthless until they actually want to contribute.  But even then, they get to talk out their problems and it makes them feel somewhat better.  That's some value at least.