My girlfriend is splitting and I don't know how to show I am still there for her

[NotMyRealNameThr]

So we have been dating for 4 months, and 4 weeks ago we went on a trip. meeting some of our gaming friends for a week. We are long distance, so this is the second time we have met in person as well. She got very overwhelmed on the trip and kind of got a bit colder and asked me to be a bit less romantic to give her space, which I did the best that I could.

After the trip I spent 1 more week with her, and basically by the end of it she seemed really drained. I asked by the end of the trip if she still loved me and just responded, "Idk" (I know now I probably shouldn't have asked that, as that could make things worse).

When I got home, we had a voice call, and she basically said she has lost her feelings for me but says I have done nothing wrong, just that she currently feels numb. Since then we have only texted at her request. I have tried to be there for her while still giving her space to feel better, letting her know she doesn't need to reply when I send her something but that I am there if she needs me. She has been texting me back at random intervals but yesterday decided to not at all, and today asked about how I am doing and then when I replied, said nothing. I asked her a couple days ago if she still wants me to keep up my routine of saying good night, good morning, and one random text in the middle of the day or if she wants more space, and she asked me to keep texting her.

This is the first time she is what I guess is considered splitting. So it is hard to know how to navigate everything. Am I doing it right? Is there something I can do that might help? Should I keep texting her like I have even though she doesn't reply to show that I am still there? I care about her a lot, and I am willing to push through this, as she is genuinely an amazing person and hasn't said anything bad, just been self-isolating herself, and you know, said she doesn't feel anything for me atm and is feeling overwhelmed.

I have been reading a lot about BPD to try and understand it more but would love some perspective on what the best I can do is atm and how to make sure I don't hurt her or push her in any way. Any advice is appreciated except telling me to break up with her because I am not planning to do that whatsoever!

She has told me she is worried that her feelings might not come back and that we should maybe end the relationship so we aren't in this middle thing, but I told her that I don't expect her feelings to be able to match my feelings atm but that I am here for her and willing to wait. 

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the family.  I'm so sorry that you're in this position.  Many here remember this exact situation and it's heartbreaking. 

First, there's no "correct" way to navigate this.  If you pursue, it pushes her away.  If you remain distant, it confirms to her that the relationship is over.  So you need to be in touch but also give her space.  I know those are two opposite things and I'm telling you to do both, to balance them as best as possible.

Next, she "didn't stop loving you."  Instead, she stopped loving herself because of unstable feelings and emotions.  When she examined her life, she thought, "Maybe if the relationship was better, I'd be happier."  But the plain truth is that she's mentally ill and that's the problem.  That's why BPDs end relationships suddenly and jump into new relationships quickly- they're always chasing that next feel-good moment.  Many chase it their entire lives because it never lasts. 

Not because of their partners, but because the problem was within the entire time and they can't see it/admit it.

So what can you do?  Play it cool for now, give her space, but still reach out to check in from time to time.  Don't make any grand gestures like we see in the movies, that backfires with BPD (especially if they're splitting).  Also, don't second-guess this. 

You may eventually have a conversation where she says, "I can't be with you because of this, this, and that."  She may become angry and lash out with blame.  That's 100% the mental illness talking and not a direct reflection on you in any way.

I hope that helps and again, I'm so sorry you're in this position.