Yes I've been there and experienced that too. I had been married for over a decade before we had a child. I was clueless and thought having a baby would make her happier with life - after all, children are blessings, right? - but it made everything worse, her conflict, her raging rants, her disparagement, her pulling away from me. Like yours, my child was very young, a preschooler, when our marriage imploded
Yes, she would also exclaim "I want a divorce!" when she was upset. It reached the point where the police got involved. It didn't get better after that. I did offer to reconcile but she turned away. We separated and divorced. Despite her having a pending case against her, she sought to block my parenting in family court but CPS stood up for me, stating they had "no concerns" about me. So although that blocking failed, the temp order issued gifted her temp full custody and temp majority parenting time. So until the final divorce decree
over two years later the only parenting I had was weekends, alternate evenings in between and alternate holidays.
I recommend you review
the responses to you over on the Detaching/Failed board last month.
If the marriage has failed, the your priorities must change. (1) First, take care of yourself, both financially as well as seeking recovery. (2) Second, your toddler needs you. You need to stand up for the child... you must do all you can to be and remain a very involved parent. Don't feel pressured to default your parenting to hers. Your spouse is unstable and apparently is - to some extent - a risk to your child's welfare.
Take advantage too of local support. Be aware, though, that your spouse will deny poor behavior and blame everything on you as The Problem Person. So, in case you haven't done so yet, preserve all documentation you have of her psychiatric history, details of recent incidents (6 months at least) and anything else to support your history and your parental care.
