What's out there to treat "Narcisstic Abuse" syptoms

[HappyChappy]

As the title says. We bitch and banter on here, but what therapy, medication or whatever is out there to help recover ? 'Cause, CBT, refraiming things "it could be worse" etc... isn't working for me. The cuts are too deep. Is going complete no contact with anyone with clear NPD traits the best way ? Sanctuary ? I'm contenplating a chocolate eating maraothon, might that work ? Any ideas welcome.   

[Notwendy]

One method I have looked into is EMDR. But a counselor would decide what is best option in the circumstances.

Chocolate helps but it would take a lot of chocolate to manage it all, as they say- moderation is best.

[zachira]

Of all the personal therapy I have done, EMDR was by far the most helpful and healing.

[CC43]

Hi HappyChappy,

It sounds like you might be dealing with ongoing trauma because of your pwNPD/BPD.  Chocolate therapy does sound appealing . . . and what I'm sensing is that you might be looking for some physical comfort, as a distraction from overthinking, as well as to relieve all the pent-up tension and distress?  I myself find comfort in movement, such as swimming or walking.  Some people would probably recommend a tough workout to relieve stress, but I prefer less strenuous activity, so I don't hurt myself.  I really like spending time outdoors, because of the scenery, fresh air, and the sensation that the world is bigger than stupid relationship arguments.  For me, getting outside helps me get some perspective.

But one other thought that motivated me to write is the notion that NPD/BPD behavior can serve to alienate.  Over time, our pwNPD/BPD tends to weaken our relationships with family and friends, as well as consume a ton of our mental bandwidth.  In trying to manage our pwNPD/BPD, we might feel depleted of energy, ruin our finances, sacrifice ourselves in some ways, and feel overwhelmed by negativity.  All this leads to alienation--from friends, family, and especially ourselves.  My advice?  You focus on getting yourself reacquainted with the "old" you.  What hobbies did you used to enjoy that you've abandoned?  What trips or events did you miss out on because of your pwNPD/BPD?  What friends did you lose touch with because your pwNPD/BPD sabotaged your social connections?  Can you carve out some daily "me" time and do something for yourself that you enjoy?  I'd advise, start by picking just one nice thing you can do for yourself today, and find some time to do it--with an emphasis on doing, as opposed to thinking.  I'm not sure what that would look like for you . . . for me it might be calling a friend, reading a book, getting tickets to see a show or movie, or spending time with a hobby.  And when it comes to food, instead of chocolate therapy, I would probably make myself a gourmet meal as a treat.  One habit I established was to make myself a gourmet Saturday morning breakfast--with freshly squeezed orange juice, hot coffee, avocado toast, an egg, proscuitto and fresh fruit on the menu.  This is not about a budget- or belly-busting activity, but rather about carving out a half hour to enjoy breakfast (preferably with a newspaper), no matter how busy or stressed out I am.  Saturday morning breakfast became my highlight, my sanctuary if that makes any sense, and it feels great because I deserve to have a nice breakfast, right?  Another simple reset habit for me is making a nice tea, and I use my good china, too.

My point is, maybe if you start treating yourself with kindness and doing more things you like, you can give your brain a break.  In the process, you are demonstrating to yourself that you are WORTH it, that you DESERVE to live a nice life.  Perhaps with time and repetition, you'll start to feel like your normal self again.

All the best to you.

[Pook075]

For me, it was a three step process over time:

Step 1, the abuse was not my fault.  I did the best I could under lousy circumstances and I came up short.

Step 2, the abuse was not my partner's fault either.  She was mentally ill and could not see her destructive patterns.

Step 3, everyone deserves grace.  I forgive myself and I forgive her.  That allowed me to truly let go.

The more I tried to understand why she did certain things, the more depressed (or angry) I'd get.  In time I realized that there was no pattern there, no sense to be made from her endless babbling and lashing out.  She was sick and unstable, and I was the whipping post so she could feel better in the moment.  That doesn't make me a victim though, that just meant I was human.  Forgiving her and letting go of all that pain once and for all is truly the only way to move on.