i don't get this.

[noideaforname]

Why when we were together every day she talked about how we should always be together and things went sour we should talk and try to resolve... .
But now she left and there's no need to talk... .the decision is final... .she wants to talk to me like we never had nothing... .i mean i want to understand a little of her mind... .i read a lot of articles and posts on this... .but doesn't fit my situation... .
Why she would just say it's over and we can't try just one time? everybody deserves a second chance... .
therapy is doing nothing for me... .more than one month after break up and i can say that iam worse for sure.

[joeramabeme]

Hey no idea

Sorry to hear you are struggling, sometimes it feels worst as we get a little further away from the line of fire.  As more time goes by, it really does get easier.

I have asked all the questions you asked and I don't have all the answers but can say a few things.

First, she was likely already processing out of the relationship long before she actually left it.  Trust seems to be a major issue for all of our exes and disclosing deep inner secrets is exposing a level of trust that just isnt comfortable. 

I always told my ex that she would "drive the car off the road".  I don't know exactly why she did it but have hypothesized that she felt more in control of the situation when there was a crisis and having a stable relationship was too frightening. 

While you do deserve a second chance, I can assure you that this is not at all about what you did, it is about her and what she is protecting her self from or trying to hide or is unresolved about etc... .  I know that is hard to simply accept but if I have had to repeat any learning over and over (and still do) it is that; the issues that we fought and talked about had nothing to do with the topic at hand, rather, were about the feelings that she was having and simply using the topic as a vehicle to express her feelings.

How long were you two together?

[noideaforname]

we have been friends for 8 months and having a serious relationship for 4 months.
but since we are in the same class at university we saw each other every day... .
we saw each other in the morning for classes, and after that we would do anything together... .my other r/s were more like seeing each other 3 times a week... .

we went on vacation and she brook it off... .i understand her reasons, everybody can break up with anybody... .
but since she always talked about giving second chances... .why with me is like this? all others r/s she had she tried a lot of times with other people.

[noideaforname]

and the thing is... .
im so scared of having to return to the university... .i wil have to see her everyday... .i can't believe i will have to face this... .im scared like with i was lonely at night having 4 years

[infjEpic]

but since she always talked about giving second chances... .why with me is like this? all others r/s she had she tried a lot of times with other people.

She may be starting to be more self-aware.

She may recognise that the common denominator in all of these unhealthy relationships is her - therefore, she may realise that she cannot be in a romantic relationship, at least until she has found healthier coping mechanisms.

[roberto516]

I know I'm late to this but I did the exact same thing. Couldn't understand why I didn't get the second chance either when everyone else did. But yeah, she also mentioned "I'm not good in relationships." So maybe it took me to have her become more self-aware.

The problem though is that, in my case, she is still suppressing her emotions. Growth would have been working on us and communicating. And now she is doing yoga, and yoga teaching 24/7 to "work on herself". Just remember that a borderline always seeks control. She is back in control and her emotions are safely buried. That's why this disorder is so difficult. Because growth only comes by doing what you have been programmed not to do; and that's feel.

[lovenature]

You got too close and triggered her fear of engulfment; PWBPD want a close intimate relationship more than anything and abandonment is their worst fear (work things out rather than leave), problem is when you get too close they fear you will see the awful person they believe they are and they will loose themselves in the enmeshment with you.
They are capable of literally making up their own reality based on their feeling of the moment, so it only stands to reason you can't have a rational discussion with them to work things out.

Keep reading and learning, it gets clearer with knowledge and time.

[roberto516]

You got too close and triggered her fear of engulfment; PWBPD want a close intimate relationship more than anything and abandonment is their worst fear (work things out rather than leave), problem is when you get too close they fear you will see the awful person they believe they are and they will loose themselves in the enmeshment with you.
They are capable of literally making up their own reality based on their feeling of the moment, so it only stands to reason you can't have a rational discussion with them to work things out.

Keep reading and learning, it gets clearer with knowledge and time.

That's really interesting. Because near the end I asked her if she wanted me to go to meditation wit her and her friend and she said "no I prefer my friends to be my thing only". She probably always dreaded letting me get too close even though she wanted me to move in, propose etc.

[lovenature]

She probably always dreaded letting me get too close even though she wanted me to move in, propose etc.

It is just feelings to her, she isn't able to articulate why she pushes/pulls. PWBPD have constant opposing fears of abandonment and engulfment; the "borderline" is always moving, that's why what is an acceptable amount of intimacy one minute isn't the next.