Please HELP explain wife strange BPD behavior after discard

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

my wife is definitely borderline, however untreated. we were marred for 7 years, everything was good. first 6 years heavenly, waif type, respected me, very obedient, cooked clean. slight mood swings, however silent treatments were there. in the beginning, she never even usually argued back, she used to stay quiet and stayed silent. never talked bad about anyone. now turn 7th year. she would argue over, why i wanted to remove wifi (i told her not healthy for young kids) use hardwired internet, made a big issue about it. she put a password on her phone. started being secretive, texting, irritable, withdrawn. all of sudden started calling my family, that she never really talked to in past cause i wasn't close to them (maybe lonely?)  

here comes the big issues mid-2016. she didn't want 4th child, we argued a lot. during our heated verbal exchanges, her mom stated filling her head how her father is dead, nobody knows where he is at. she really loved him. and felt abandoned by him when he went to uk when she was 12. she would talk about him how her uncle met her dad in Uk and hes alive (those stories are all gas-lighting).her mom (witch borderline BTW) started talking a lot of crap about me to her and started the fueling the hate. i got so frustrated, i told my wife, if she dont give me a child or keep on arguing i will divorce her (worst borderline trigger). i filled the divorce paper to give her a scare (very ahole of me).

she called my mother and cried, and i got even more upset why she involving my family. anyway, arguments escalated, i went to sleep. i said were "done"... i wake up, got arrested by cops. she claimed i beat her (lies), she cut her face. i got arrested... .anyway came out, few days later, she wanted to have this stupid restraining order against me. her mom called my family, hell broke loose, they started arguing each other crazy about whose at fault. my wife all of a sudden went on smear campaign against me blaming, exaggerating, bad mouthing me to everyone etc etc. anyway a month to it, we reconciled, against her moms wishes, she came back filed affidavit of non prosecution. back to short lived idealization phase again.

she was real cool at first. took password off her phone. showed me look its all gone. something was strange in her behavior. almost felt like there was some infidelity going on (my sixth sense). arguments started again, now she was harassing to send me to jail everyday. she had a rage during an argument, put a self injury on her hand by hitting the wall, saying now she will people i did it... 2 weeks later, she lied to cops, put any false charge of retaliation, i go to jail again

worst part is that we have 3 children and she was 4 months pregnant. maybe thats why those sever mood swings, who knows. now here is what i need help with. this gets very bad. she left, and into 3 weeks of putting me to jail. im worried to where is she, started having nightmares about my family. her pictures turn up on Facebook with another man. guy looks like a straight jerk, different religion, race, language, just completely opposite of what she is, in a very bad neighborhood. with my kids sitting on top of this guy lap. i was furious and sad and confused to see these pictures. i cried a lot cause i never expected this out of her. she left me for another man. i was/am heartbroken.

2 months after leaving me. she contacted my family cause my sister left a open ended conversation on text that she didn't reply previously. she called, first stated complaining about how bad i am, my family validated her concerns, try to calm her down. she was very upset initially, that someone shared her pictures of her with this guy with her family overseas. it wasn't me, but she kept blaming me for it, and was extremely mad maybe cause all the family and friends were questioning her behavior and she kept telling them how much of bad i am. finally she calmed down, she wanted "guarantees" that i wouldn't tell her "divorce", when my family adviced her think of ur kids and told her to please come back and she appeared to want to come back at that time. she started calling my family everyday and she started acting normal and agreed to leave this guy. she asked to speak with me, i refused cause i had a no contact order, then again she on phone again but i didnt speak cause i wasnt sure if she would record me.

my family asked do you need anything, money? she yes pleaseeeeee, she was doing bad. my sister and her husband. drove 2 hours away. gave her food, water, bought her and kids clothes. everything was good, they told her that she needs to leave this guy and get out, she said ok but she needs 2 weeks. they drove back. everything was back on track. during text convo, she said plase dont respond if this guy writes you or calls you... and dont text for now... 2 days go by, i jumped the gun, asked my sister, find out bout her welfare. my sis texted her, no response, next day, no response, few days go by... got a call from her phone which went to voicemail, sounds like a light argument. my family sent police out there to do welfare check.

she now completely disappeared. started posted picture with this guy kissing him... my family confused cause a week ago, she was swearing to them that she wanted to be back and will not engage with this guy anymore, it was wrong cause she is married. her actions were showing us the opposite. my sister got really upset cause they thought they did so much for her to hep her out... .so my sister texted her that u need to either divorce, and why is she doing this. when she read that, hell broke loose. my wife started another smear campaign on text messages, dragging me into it and try to write things that i was a bad father as well.

here is the confusing behavior. she moved in with this guy in 2 1/2 months. ever since then, putting pictures making out with him. maybe she lost all her family /relationship and lost her identity too.  she was sleeping with this guy regardless of being married to me and having my child in her stomach (gross and unfair to the child) ... .after givin birth, she wont let me see the children. she is alienating me. she posting posts about her drinking, she comes from a conservative family that dont approve of alcohol. even though she had very little chance to drink before ( i didnt allow her while living with her but i myself do), with her posts, she started exposing her own self openly discussing how she is drunk, when all her friends/ and family are watching.  all her family is embarrassed and disowned her. only person siding with her is her mom that all of this somehow my fault that i pushed her when we argued a lot while living together

she posting promiscuous posts, about using shared posts facebook illustrations, like if a girl is sleeping with a guy with her rear facing him 1) if she out cold 2) she wants him to take the a$$ 3) or she wants to be held... these are unclassy posts she putting out there when she had all these guys (his friends) added to her page now. some guys will just look at her as easy. all of this is very disrespectful and distasteful. but she is very much pushing boundaries beyond limits. she is still married to me. her friend reached out to her but she does not want to return. told her friends, she has moved on and i should stop crying over her like a girl (wow)... .so i finally i will file for divorce since its been 5 months that she been gone. previously she didnt say straight up she wanted divorce, now she just saying she has moved on? does she want me to abandon her? or am i pushing her away cause all these people wanted her to come back and she absolutely refuse. she is saying this guy is really nice and im nothing compare to him. she forgot last 7 years of our history, good times, kids, what the hell?

what the hell is wrong with woman? did she have a mental breakdown or what? i can understand she didn't want to be in marriage and finding someone else. but the false charges, arrests, not waiting to get with this guy after giving birth atleast, or telling us one time she wanted to back but completely shut everyone out. now telling friends again she hates me and wants me to die and leave her alone. and moving on act. she was saying i seen her pictures, everybody got the idea she is done, why dont i? maybe i should take the hint... . all this behavior is beyond my understanding. she was not like this for first 6 years. its like im dealing with a different person.

WHATS GOING ON GUYS? TELL ME, IM GOING NUTS BY HER UNPREDICTABLE BEHAVIOR AND BREAKING ALL BOUNDARIES AND NO MORALS. This girl seems more than a borderline to me. like sociopath, psychopath, and borderline all in one. Im no saint, i did push all her buttons with abandonment when i counter her, but i didnt realize i was dealing with a sick person. when i was with her, i knew she had something, but i didnt realize how mentally ill she was, until she left me and all this new behavior surfaced. I really care for her and love her to death, never though she would leave in that fashion. She somehow feels wronged/betrayed and her mom said she is taking revenge (im guessing the divorce thing). i wish she came back and i get her in therapy but she has burned all bridges with me and my family. i think she went too far already and she absolutely despise me at the moment

[icesoul]

my wife is definitely borderline, however untreated. we were marred for 7 years, everything was good. first 6 years heavenly, waif type, respected me, very obedient, cooked clean. slight mood swings, however silent treatments were there. in the beginning, she never even usually argued back, she used to stay quiet and stayed silent. never talked bad about anyone. now turn 7th year. she would argue over, why i wanted to remove wifi (i told her not healthy for young kids) use hardwired internet, made a big issue about it. she put a password on her phone. started being secretive, texting, irritable, withdrawn. all of sudden started calling my family, that she never really talked to in past cause i wasn't close to them (maybe lonely?)  

here comes the big issues mid-2016. she didn't want 4th child, we argued a lot. during our heated verbal exchanges, her mom stated filling her head how her father is dead, nobody knows where he is at. she really loved him. and felt abandoned by him when he went to uk when she was 12. she would talk about him how her uncle met her dad in Uk and hes alive (those stories are all gas-lighting).her mom (witch borderline BTW) started talking a lot of crap about me to her and started the fueling the hate. i got so frustrated, i told my wife, if she dont give me a child or keep on arguing i will divorce her (worst borderline trigger). i filled the divorce paper to give her a scare (very ahole of me).

she called my mother and cried, and i got even more upset why she involving my family. anyway, arguments escalated, i went to sleep. i said were "done"... i wake up, got arrested by cops. she claimed i beat her (lies), she cut her face. i got arrested... .anyway came out, few days later, she wanted to have this stupid restraining order against me. her mom called my family, hell broke loose, they started arguing each other crazy about whose at fault. my wife all of a sudden went on smear campaign against me blaming, exaggerating, bad mouthing me to everyone etc etc. anyway a month to it, we reconciled, against her moms wishes, she came back filed affidavit of non prosecution. back to short lived idealization phase again.

she was real cool at first. took password off her phone. showed me look its all gone. something was strange in her behavior. almost felt like there was some infidelity going on (my sixth sense). arguments started again, now she was harassing to send me to jail everyday. she had a rage during an argument, put a self injury on her hand by hitting the wall, saying now she will people i did it... 2 weeks later, she lied to cops, put any false charge of retaliation, i go to jail again

worst part is that we have 3 children and she was 4 months pregnant. maybe thats why those sever mood swings, who knows. now here is what i need help with. this gets very bad. she left, and into 3 weeks of putting me to jail. im worried to where is she, started having nightmares about my family. her pictures turn up on Facebook with another man. guy looks like a straight jerk, different religion, race, language, just completely opposite of what she is, in a very bad neighborhood. with my kids sitting on top of this guy lap. i was furious and sad and confused to see these pictures. i cried a lot cause i never expected this out of her. she left me for another man. i was/am heartbroken.

2 months after leaving me. she contacted my family cause my sister left a open ended conversation on text that she didn't reply previously. she called, first stated complaining about how bad i am, my family validated her concerns, try to calm her down. she was very upset initially, that someone shared her pictures of her with this guy with her family overseas. it wasn't me, but she kept blaming me for it, and was extremely mad maybe cause all the family and friends were questioning her behavior and she kept telling them how much of bad i am. finally she calmed down, she wanted "guarantees" that i wouldn't tell her "divorce", when my family adviced her think of ur kids and told her to please come back and she appeared to want to come back at that time. she started calling my family everyday and she started acting normal and agreed to leave this guy. she asked to speak with me, i refused cause i had a no contact order, then again she on phone again but i didnt speak cause i wasnt sure if she would record me.

my family asked do you need anything, money? she yes pleaseeeeee, she was doing bad. my sister and her husband. drove 2 hours away. gave her food, water, bought her and kids clothes. everything was good, they told her that she needs to leave this guy and get out, she said ok but she needs 2 weeks. they drove back. everything was back on track. during text convo, she said plase dont respond if this guy writes you or calls you... and dont text for now... 2 days go by, i jumped the gun, asked my sister, find out bout her welfare. my sis texted her, no response, next day, no response, few days go by... got a call from her phone which went to voicemail, sounds like a light argument. my family sent police out there to do welfare check.

she now completely disappeared. started posted picture with this guy kissing him... my family confused cause a week ago, she was swearing to them that she wanted to be back and will not engage with this guy anymore, it was wrong cause she is married. her actions were showing us the opposite. my sister got really upset cause they thought they did so much for her to hep her out... .so my sister texted her that u need to either divorce, and why is she doing this. when she read that, hell broke loose. my wife started another smear campaign on text messages, dragging me into it and try to write things that i was a bad father as well.

here is the confusing behavior. she moved in with this guy in 2 1/2 months. ever since then, putting pictures making out with him. maybe she lost all her family /relationship and lost her identity too.  she was sleeping with this guy regardless of being married to me and having my child in her stomach (gross and unfair to the child) ... .after givin birth, she wont let me see the children. she is alienating me. she posting posts about her drinking, she comes from a conservative family that dont approve of alcohol. even though she had very little chance to drink before ( i didnt allow her while living with her but i myself do), with her posts, she started exposing her own self openly discussing how she is drunk, when all her friends/ and family are watching.  all her family is embarrassed and disowned her. only person siding with her is her mom that all of this somehow my fault that i pushed her when we argued a lot while living together

she posting promiscuous posts, about using shared posts facebook illustrations, like if a girl is sleeping with a guy with her rear facing him 1) if she out cold 2) she wants him to take the a$$ 3) or she wants to be held... these are unclassy posts she putting out there when she had all these guys (his friends) added to her page now. some guys will just look at her as easy. all of this is very disrespectful and distasteful. but she is very much pushing boundaries beyond limits. she is still married to me. her friend reached out to her but she does not want to return. told her friends, she has moved on and i should stop crying over her like a girl (wow)... .so i finally i will file for divorce since its been 5 months that she been gone. previously she didnt say straight up she wanted divorce, now she just saying she has moved on? does she want me to abandon her? or am i pushing her away cause all these people wanted her to come back and she absolutely refuse. she is saying this guy is really nice and im nothing compare to him. she forgot last 7 years of our history, good times, kids, what the hell?

what the hell is wrong with woman? did she have a mental breakdown or what? i can understand she didn't want to be in marriage and finding someone else. but the false charges, arrests, not waiting to get with this guy after giving birth atleast, or telling us one time she wanted to back but completely shut everyone out. now telling friends again she hates me and wants me to die and leave her alone. and moving on act. she was saying i seen her pictures, everybody got the idea she is done, why dont i? maybe i should take the hint... . all this behavior is beyond my understanding. she was not like this for first 6 years. its like im dealing with a different person.

WHATS GOING ON GUYS? TELL ME, IM GOING NUTS BY HER UNPREDICTABLE BEHAVIOR AND BREAKING ALL BOUNDARIES AND NO MORALS. This girl seems more than a borderline to me. like sociopath, psychopath, and borderline all in one. Im no saint, i did push all her buttons with abandonment when i counter her, but i didnt realize i was dealing with a sick person. when i was with her, i knew she had something, but i didnt realize how mentally ill she was, until she left me and all this new behavior surfaced. I really care for her and love her to death, never though she would leave in that fashion. She somehow feels wronged/betrayed and her mom said she is taking revenge (im guessing the divorce thing). i wish she came back and i get her in therapy but she has burned all bridges with me and my family. i think she went too far already and she absolutely despise me at the moment

[VeganButEatMyMea]

You're in a bad spot my friend.  4 kids, restraining order, and the 2 arrests don't look good.  Oh, she knew what she was doing btw by getting you arrested, if I had to guess she had it planned or in the back of her mind for a while (as an escape plan)... .and due to her preemptive strike, you can forget about winning custody, best case 50/50 but GO SEE A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY!

My advice:

1- Go see a lawyer!
2- Be NICE to her, your only thought should be your future with your kids. It's not about "you and her" anymore, it's about "you and the kids".  Talk to the lawyer about advice on what to say here.  If she fights for full custody under cruelty, she'll probably get it but I'm not a lawyer, go see one immediately.

My situation is exact opposite of yours, I had her arrested for assault, I've had our son since d-day (Dec 12th 2016) which was a Sunday, I called a lawyer on Monday morning, I divorced her February 21st 2017 (just waiting for my hard copy of the divorce decree).

To reiterate everything above... .GO SEE A LAWYER immediately, I know I've said it several times but it IS THAT IMPORTANT.  Your only focus should be to start doing things to improve your chances of spending time with your kids from here on out, lawyer will help guide you.

As far as your "wife" is concerned, forget about a future with her now. You cannot in ANY WAY convince/manipulate/coerce/force/lovebomb/etc. her to come back to you, love you, and be a family again... .you can only do things to push her away more.  You don't have to like it but accept that she is gone, let her go, focus on your kids and see a lawyer.

Good luck and go see a lawyer (I think I've said it enough)

[icesoul]

You're in a bad spot my friend.  4 kids, restraining order, and the 2 arrests don't look good.  Oh, she knew what she was doing btw by getting you arrested, if I had to guess she had it planned or in the back of her mind for a while (as an escape plan)... .and due to her preemptive strike, you can forget about winning custody, best case 50/50 but GO SEE A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY!

My advice:

1- Go see a lawyer!
2- Be NICE to her, your only thought should be your future with your kids. It's not about "you and her" anymore, it's about "you and the kids".  Talk to the lawyer about advice on what to say here.  If she fights for full custody under cruelty, she'll probably get it but I'm not a lawyer, go see one immediately.

My situation is exact opposite of yours, I had her arrested for assault, I've had our son since d-day (Dec 12th 2016) which was a Sunday, I called a lawyer on Monday morning, I divorced her February 21st 2017 (just waiting for my hard copy of the divorce decree).

To reiterate everything above... .GO SEE A LAWYER immediately, I know I've said it several times but it IS THAT IMPORTANT.  Your only focus should be to start doing things to improve your chances of spending time with your kids from here on out, lawyer will help guide you.

As far as your "wife" is concerned, forget about a future with her now. You cannot in ANY WAY convince/manipulate/coerce/force/lovebomb/etc. her to come back to you, love you, and be a family again... .you can only do things to push her away more.  You don't have to like it but accept that she is gone, let her go, focus on your kids and see a lawyer.

Good luck and go see a lawyer (I think I've said it enough)

very bad spot, the first restraining order (1st arrest) she dropped it, 2nd arrest, she never requested one, the aholes give me  "no contact" which was hard, i could have saved the marriage but now she is too much into the replacement at this point and has a security blanket (home, foodstamps), first 2 months, she didnt have it.

first time i think she did it, it was impulsive cause she thougth i was done with marriage, but she definetly got the "ok" from the mother who is worst. she cut her face, and probably convinced the mom, it happened. i went to sleep and she called it in,

2nd time she planned it for sure, cause she couldnt control me. cause i was say all the trigger abandoned things, only cause she would bait me into an argument. after going into rage, there was suicide threat from her, saying, im a master of liars and i will make u suffer to see ur kids and u dont know how far i can go. i just didnt take her seriously cause i thought she couldnt hurt her childrens father like that, boy she was not playing.

good thing is, a lot of it on tape in the foreign language. yes i gota lawyer, gota get stuff translated. when she gave me a suicide threat, went in the bathroom with a knife, i did call it in, they should of taken her for psychological evaluation but they didnt.

btw, when we first reconciled between the arrest, she came back very nice. she was back at idealization stage but it was short lived, and this was the first time she started disrespecting to my face (cursing, name calling, and degrading me). it happened fast. i think she was maybe emotionally detaching to prepare herself to dump me. and i didnt see it. she would told me stuff like ur not longer in my heart and i dont love u no more. and 2 days later she would back to normal. this all happened fast within the last month... god if i only  didnt not engage in her arguments and took her on a vacation somewhere. my kids didnt have to suffer this bad. they probably all shocked, where did dad go.

i do need to get her out of my mind. ur absolutely right, any attemp from her friends and family to talk to her and tell her the other guy is no good, think of about the kids, has pushed her further away. she absolutely hates me and doesnt want to return. in her mind, now she is saying she has a terrible marriage for last 7 years (forgot or either in denial we had good marriage). i agree with her, last year we had lots of arguments and it takes two to argue.

i do have to let her go, she making the children suffer. and just the way she is acting all promiscuous, thats horrible to see your wife like that. all her family overseas are dumbfounded by her behavior. everything she blamed me for, she is doing it herself. they all understand all of this was over a guy

[icesoul]

bump

[icesoul]

here is the thing she posted on her FB for repalcement, something in there i found interesting

(she put guy name) showed me the true meaning of love in my life I needed a person like you baby and now I thanks to GOD that he gave me a person for forever who's a true lover a best freind and my future husband and do alot of things for me thank you so much baby for everything you do for us.I love u alot muahhhhhhhhhhhh

is that the narcissist in her manipulating? or is that more borderline talking? or both. she dumped her husband of 7 years for the loser and act like this guy is god when i put in so much work for our marriage. so strange   

[icesoul]

she never thanked me for gifts? and stuff but replacement getting royal treatment on FB?

What the heck? is going on? 

someone explain this behavior. Am i jealous? hell yea . i wanted her back but im splittled darker than black hole at the moment. atleast i can laugh about it now, before i was depress for 5months straight, still am, it comes and goes.

is all this stuff is to just make me jealous. i doubt im on even on her radar at the moment. she got rid of me like im the affair and hes the husband unfortunately