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Author Topic: Alpha male opened pandora' box and...  (Read 589 times)
LastSamurai

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« on: March 19, 2017, 07:02:18 PM »

Hello everyone,

This is how my story goes... .I met a female online through a matrimonial website. She mentioned that her mental health may be of a concern if we were to marry. She mentioned that she suffers from PTSD, Rape Trauma Syndrome, Abandonment Issues, Hypersensitivity, Depression and that she's worried about having Asperger's and BiPoloar Disorder.

We fell in love literally within the first week of communicating with each other. I proposed to her and she accepted within the first week of communication. We were to marry after one month of communication with one another. I backed out of marrying her a couple of times because I felt like my gut was telling me it was too soon to move forward with the marriage. These delays definitely put a damper on the relationship. Mind you, we never met each other in person even to this day. We were on and off all the way up until this year when she ended things with me abruptly. I tried texting her, emailing her, and calling her but to no avail was I able to get in contact with her. This break up shook me up quite a bit and that's how I found this site.

I began researching BPD and she showed all the signs. I noticed the push/pull tactic, the painting someone black, the idealization, the mirroring, the "drug-like feeling" they have on you, etc. After reading several posts about NC, I decided to follow through. I changed my number and my email to avoid any contact with her. My plan was to begin a new life and get myself together. It was tough but I was gradually getting better with time. I read stories that even with NC, there's a chance the ex may still try to "come back". I didn't think it would ever happen in my case, but I went to the mailbox and I noticed a small envelope with the mail. It was a strange feeling indeed. I felt like I had Pandora's Box in my hand. I took the envelope back inside and was deciding if I should open the envelope or not. I eventually did and that's when I got a strange feeling. She apologized in the card, how she handled everything totally wrong, how I was right about her Hypersensitivity, how I'm her soulmate, and how she loves me. I texted her back only to get some clarification and let her know how much she hurt me, but I was pulled back in. We were to marry in the spring. Things were going okay but I was still looking out for any signs of her old ways.

That brings us to this month. I'm an Alpha male and I noticed after being with her for a while my confidence was going down and I was showing Beta weaknesses. I also think that she was noticing this and taking advantage of it. I would usually reply to her text messages within 15 minutes to avoid triggering any of her Abandonment Issues. I wanted to take control of my life again and began delaying some of these replies to match the time it was taking her to reply to mine e.g. if it took her 10 minutes to reply, I would take 15 minutes. Out of the blue, she asks me via text message, "Are you talking to another woman?" Immediately, the bells went off in my head because I didn't take it as her asking about another woman. I took it as her "putting an obstacle" in the way just to start an argument and eventually that would lead to a breakup. I asked her if that was her intention and she denied it. She stated she was showing her jealousy because it's a character I said I like in her. Either way, I took it as her trying to start a fight and this rubbed me the wrong way. This carried over into the next day and we were going back and forth about her behavior.

So I started noticing some things that bothered me. First, I noticed she seems to only text me Monday through Friday first thing in the morning when she first gets to her job and we may text the entire time she's working. I also noticed that on Saturdays and Sundays she seems to be more distant. I asked her about her "shadiness" and she said that she's more busy on the weekends and doesn't have the time to be available to me due to her child needing her undivided attention. She said she's more available at her job because she has more time to breathe at her job. I find these statements contradictory because she's mentioned that texting her at her job is not ideal because she's swamped at work, texting her after she get's off is not ideal because her child is awake, texting her after her child is asleep is not ideal because she goes to bed early, and texting her on the weekends is not ideal because she's busy. Mind you, we were to marry next month. I sent her a text yesterday afternoon and said, "Hello" "You must be real busy." She replied back with that she's been busy all day and that she probably wouldn't get home till 9:00 pm. I expressed my concern to her that I felt I was being used as entertainment for her during her work hours and that I didn't exist to her on the weekends. She said, "Wow." "I'm sorry you feel that way." She also mentioned that the HR incident was still on her mind. This sent a red flag to me that she was mentally going into a "dark space" and that she was pushing me away. The tension within the text escalated within a few minutes and she ended things with me. She didn't literally say "she's ending things" but I got the message. I asked her if she's ending things with me and she said, "You ended yourself." I tried texting her right back. No reply. I tried calling her right back. No reply. I assumed by this point I was definitely painted black and that once again she blocked me from contacting her like she did before. I sent her a long text message from my other phone and called her out on her behavior, words, and ending the message with informing her that if she ever tried to contact me again I would report her to the police. As may have noticed while reading I keep mentioning "text message". We rarely spoke on the phone. She said that phones affect her brain in a negative. But I'm thinking to myself, "Use headphones." I feel like she was doing everything in her power to slowly push me away after she pulled me back in with the letter. Her words never spoke louder than her actions. Again, to this day we have never met in person. We have texted, spoke on the phone, exchanged pics, and video chatted via Skype.

Has anyone dealt with someone like this before? I truly believe that she was subconsciously placing obstacles on our path to marrying because we were getting closer to getting married. I believe her Abandonment Issues were kicking in and she wanted to end things with me before she thought I would end things with her. I'm hurt.
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ShadowA
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« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2017, 07:19:26 PM »

You really need to know what you're getting into.

I've seen a lot of people who have thought love could prevail and that they could handle BPD because of it.

You may end up with your life turned upside down with you crying in a shower, being in the most pathetic position in your life.
Trying to figure out what's True and false, and not understanding why your world has flipped. Questioning literally everything in your entire relationship.

Just a warning, however life is odd sometimes and things can work out.
Just make sure she is in therapy for BPD. it's no joke.
There is a reason people scream run, as sad as it is... Because BPD people are very broken individuals who feel a lot of a pain themselves... .It's just that they break the people closest to them too.


As for putting obstacles, It's very possible. She also may never end up seeing you and put obstacles forever. BPD people hate themselves. They don't think they should be loved, and thus will sabotage things.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you two? Don't have to be exact.


Also again, make sure you know what you are getting into. They themselves are someone drowning in the ocean. You may want to rescue them, but if they don't get help themselves, then they will consciously or subconsciously pull you in. Then you will drown in duet, till she discards you for another because you're all out of supply.
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Pretty Woman
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The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2017, 07:43:35 PM »

I would be worried about several things. For one, you've never met this person. Are you sure you are not being conned or exploited? Also, she tells you all her mental health issues the FIRST time you communicated.

What made you want to proceed further with this person?

I'm assuming if you are on a website for marriage you are looking for a long term union. I hate to say this but those sites sadly prey on people they know want a partner. These sites are manipulative and dangerous. 

I know you are going through a very hard time right now but you need to protect yourself and disconnect from this situation before you lose more than your sanity, possibly your money and livelihood. 

Good luck to you. 
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2017, 07:44:22 PM »

You may end up with your life turned upside down with you crying in a shower, being in the most pathetic position in your life.

It's amazing you said that. I found myself almost breaking down crying on the phone with her just after a week of recycling with her for no reason.
 
She has mentioned that she finds herself disgusting. She hates her weight. She mentioned that she's afraid I'll see her in person and be turned off by her weight. I think was being passive aggressive with delaying us meeting each other in person.

I'm in my late 30's. She's in her late 20's
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2017, 07:49:43 PM »

Also, she tells you all her mental health issues the FIRST time you communicated.

What made you want to proceed further with this person?

I think she prefers meeting people online because she suffers from a great deal of anxiety. I think the online world may be more of a controlled environment to her because she doesn't have to deal with people face to face right of the bat. I proceeded further with her because I didn't think her mental issues were that serious. I thought she was exaggerating until further into the relationship. Then it turned into me loving her and trying to accept her for who she was. It took a devastating toll on me.

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« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2017, 10:56:41 PM »

The first paragraph of your story... .ugh, man... .I'm sorry.  That should have been your clue to stay away... .but I get it, we all have to learn somehow, and we as empaths are apt to try and be a rescuer.  The disordered seek us out for that reason, it's almost as if they appeal to our vanity... .I know in my case I was proud of the fact that I was gonna be "different" than the men she's dated in th past and show her "true love".

I think the hardest part for us to grasp about these relationships is that the disordered person doesn't love us n the way we love them.  She misses what you do for her, how you make her feel at any given time... .she doesn't miss you.  That is why they come back, she's coming back to get attention and play with you for a little longer, until she's gets bored or feels engulfment, then distances herself again.

I experienced this with my ex waif/hermit.  She did the same as your BPD, picked a fight, the cancelled and delayed our marriage multiple times.  She wouldn't let go, but didn't want to commit either.  I was driving myself mad as we did the on/off thing for almost three years.   The thing is, I allowed it.  I'm the one, with my weak boundaries that held on to the relationship that was just something for her to do in her regard... .thinking shed miss me at some point.  She didn't; she missed the things I did for her. She finally cut me off 8 months ago when I demanded this pattern to stop for my sanity, so that ended that.  She's admitted to me in the past that she's been dating others during our month long "breaks", so I'm sure that's the reason she's finally gone... .and Im here.  

Read, research, and learn as much as you can about personality disorders.  You were lucky I'm that you were given all the red flags blantant and right off the bat. My ex did as well, first date... .confirmed her disordered behavior within a couple months. They always show who they are within a couple months... .with some crazy stuff!   Learn from this, and use the tools to find a HEALTHY relationship.  :)on't make the same mistake over and over again moving forward.  There are LOTS of disordered people out there... .to many to not be prepared.  And be careful online, they crave attention and supply... .online dating sites are the perfect place to get it.

Also, accusations of cheating... .usually mean they are cheating. Experienced and confirmed 3/3 times in my past relationships.  My recent waif/BPD ex accused me of dating or wanting to date any woman I worked with or just knew as a distant friend... .I don't have women friends I talk to regularly... .and I've never cheated on any woman, ever.  I work in a male dominated profession 99% male.  She constantly accused me of wanting to be with my unattractive female boss... .of course, it was my ex who was seeing other men.
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ShadowA
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« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2017, 04:14:53 AM »

The first paragraph of your story... .ugh, man... .I'm sorry.  That should have been your clue to stay away... .but I get it, we all have to learn somehow, and we as empaths are apt to try and be a rescuer.  The disordered seek us out for that reason, it's almost as if they appeal to our vanity... .I know in my case I was proud of the fact that I was gonna be "different" than the men she's dated in th past and show her "true love".

I think the hardest part for us to grasp about these relationships is that the disordered person doesn't love us n the way we love them.  She misses what you do for her, how you make her feel at any given time... .she doesn't miss you.  That is why they come back, she's coming back to get attention and play with you for a little longer, until she's gets bored or feels engulfment, then distances herself again.

I experienced this with my ex waif/hermit.  She did the same as your BPD, picked a fight, the cancelled and delayed our marriage multiple times.  She wouldn't let go, but didn't want to commit either.  I was driving myself mad as we did the on/off thing for almost three years.   The thing is, I allowed it.  I'm the one, with my weak boundaries that held on to the relationship that was just something for her to do in her regard... .thinking shed miss me at some point.  She didn't; she missed the things I did for her. She finally cut me off 8 months ago when I demanded this pattern to stop for my sanity, so that ended that.  She's admitted to me in the past that she's been dating others during our month long "breaks", so I'm sure that's the reason she's finally gone... .and Im here.  

Read, research, and learn as much as you can about personality disorders.  You were lucky I'm that you were given all the red flags blantant and right off the bat. My ex did as well, first date... .confirmed her disordered behavior within a couple months. They always show who they are within a couple months... .with some crazy stuff!   Learn from this, and use the tools to find a HEALTHY relationship.  :)on't make the same mistake over and over again moving forward.  There are LOTS of disordered people out there... .to many to not be prepared.  And be careful online, they crave attention and supply... .online dating sites are the perfect place to get it.

Also, accusations of cheating... .usually mean they are cheating. Experienced and confirmed 3/3 times in my past relationships.  My recent waif/BPD ex accused me of dating or wanting to date any woman I worked with or just knew as a distant friend... .I don't have women friends I talk to regularly... .and I've never cheated on any woman, ever.  I work in a male dominated profession 99% male.  She constantly accused me of wanting to be with my unattractive female boss... .of course, it was my ex who was seeing other men.

I second this, They project quite a bit.
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2017, 07:29:41 AM »

The first paragraph of your story... .ugh, man... .I'm sorry.  That should have been your clue to stay away... .but I get it, we all have to learn somehow, and we as empaths are apt to try and be a rescuer.  The disordered seek us out for that reason, it's almost as if they appeal to our vanity... .I know in my case I was proud of the fact that I was gonna be "different" than the men she's dated in th past and show her "true love".


Thanks for the feedback. She's mentioned that she has never cheated. Just last week we were talking about how many children we were hoping to have, insurance, and responsibilities within the household and now I'm back on this site discarded again. She made promises of marrying me and always being there for me but it was all lies to me. Her actions never matched up with her words. She told me a few days ago she's "irrational" and "flaky". I'm not sure if she was being sarcastic or not because it was via text. I told her the night of receiving the letter that I couldn't be her "knight in shining armor".  I asked if she was purposely putting me through hell to test me if I would leave. She said she wasn't doing it on purpose. She said she loved that I was so confident and she loved my Alpha male personality. And I definitely understand your point about trying to be "different" from the other guys and show her "true love". I felt like I was rescuing her. She said she needed me but her statements were always contradictory. Some mornings she would text early am asking if she should go to work or not... .and then some mornings i.e. the weekends she wouldn't text all day. It was confusing. Nothing about her added up.

This question is for the men out there. Have any of you warned your ex of never contacting you again and that the police would be reported if they did and yet they still contact you?
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abraxus
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« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2017, 05:21:35 PM »

I'll start by saying that you're probably not going to like what I'm about to say, but does it really matter if she had BPD or not?

By that, I mean strip away any labels and lets look at the fact as we know them. They are that she has a history of abuse, and bunch of insecurities, and so is bound to be a bit gun shy because of them. On top of that, she says she prefers a more "alpha" type of man.

One thing I know for certain is that women rarely care what a man says, they're used to being lied to, and so are expert at judging you not by what you say, but what you do and how you act or react. Most men would learn a lot by doing the same, and ignoring everything that comes out of their girlfriends mouths, and focusing only on what they do instead. As such, they will test, and the more insecure and cautious they are, the more and harder they'll test you.

So, you tell her that you're alpha, and again, that's just a label, It means nothing to her, until she's tested the hell out of you to prove it to herself. So what does she do and how do you react?

1. She lays all her flaws on the line, and paints herself in the worst possible light. Your reaction is to propose after a week, without even having met her. What do you think that says about your value, to someone who doesn't value themself?

2. She ended things, and you chased. Given what she knows you know about her, that at least suggests to her that you have limited options.

3. You monitor your text responses, which she's smart enough to notice and gives her control; which she immediately seizes upon and turns the tables by pulling the jealousy card. Your response is not to stamp on it, but to give her an out, which she takes, thus knowing you'll justify her bad behaviour for her, rather than stand up to it. You basically told her how much you want her, and will use wishful thinking to excuse any acting up she does. How do you think that might play out in future?

4. She's busy at weekends, and so you make a fuss about it and put pressure on her; instead of wishing her a good weekend on Friday, and disappearing until Monday and doing your own thing. She wants an alpha, which mean she wants to be the one doing the chasing. She wants to be wondering what you're doing at the weekend, and not feeling any pressure that she has to be around for you, as that makes her feel like the alpha.

5. She ends it again, cuts contact, and blocks you. As a result, despite her not having shown you any indication of harassment or stalkerish behaviour, you ignore her wishes and make contact, and threaten to contact the police if she tries to contact you. It seems a tad extreme.

In every case, it seems like she's the one in control, and she will feel that very clearly. If she acts out because of that it's not to be difficult, it's because she feels horribly uncomfortable, as she doesn't want to be the one in control, she wants you to be. Of course she's never going to hand you that control on a silver platter, it doesn't work like that, you have to show the emotional confidence, strength, and consistency to take it and know what to do with it.

Now, imagine she doesn't have BPD, which is quite possible, and that she's just a little confused, scared, cautious and uncertain, due to her past bad experiences. Imagine she's on a forum for similar women, and describing her interaction with you. Obviously it will be coloured with her own interpretation, as I'm sure yours is to some degree, so lets just say that she posts it as I have above, based solely on your side of things. Do you think that you would have come across as the strong,  confident, consistent, stable, alpha type to her?

Is it possible that she tested you and interpreted your reactions to her tests as being a little needy, pushy, defensive and even a little hostile, or at least pouty, at the end? Looking at it from her side, does she necessarily have to have BPD to have behaved the way she did? Or would it be reasonable to assume that anyone who's been through what she has might be hopeful one minute, and so seemingly keen, but then cautious the next, thinking you might be too good to be true, and so moves forward and backs off again, and tests you?

How well do you honestly think you did in those tests?

I'm sorry if this sound harsh, it's not meant to be, I'm just playing devil's advocate and trying to be realistic, as it's all too easy to tie yourself in knots trying to second guess another person, and what they feel or think. Besides, I've seen far too many men, who fail get what they want from a woman, jump to the convenient conclusion that it must be because she has a personality disorder, or other issues, instead of looking at how their own actions may have led to her running away. Being brutally honest, even a pretty sane woman would have backed off big time after some of the above.

Even if she does have BPD, then us men can be our own worst enemy sometimes, as we're driven by ego and a desire to fix stuff, and so an attractive woman with a sob story can be very compelling. Truth is though, that if an attractive woman really wanted a knight in shining armour, then she'd have found one by now, as there are loads of them around, ready to try and slay her demons, just to be close to her; and so if she isn't with one, it's likely she doesn't want one, no matter how much she may suggest otherwise. I've found that mostly though they don't try to manipulate, or want to be deceitful, they're just a little lost and confused. They meet men who struggle to handle them, and so try to squeeze them into a more easy to manage box, in which they genuinely try to fit, as deep down they want to please and be acknowledged for it. However, the tighter that box becomes, the more they have to try and pretend they can fit into it, until eventually it gets too tight and they're forced to burst out.

So, if you really do want a relationship with someone like that, or any woman for that matter, forget about labels and what she may or may not be. Instead be clear about who you are, and what you want, and let her decide if that works for her or not. Don't try to make her something she's not,  or try to "fix" her, just accept her for who she is, and insist she accepts you for you are; and if you can't do that then just wish her well, and genuinely mean it, and go your own ways on good terms.

Anyway, sorry for the really long post, and sorry if I seemed overly critical, I was just giving an honest view, based on personal experience. In short, forget about BPD, just treat everyone like a human being, with respect and honesty, including yourself, and take things in your stride and you'll find that life is usually a lot easier.
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2017, 06:56:38 AM »

5. She ends it again, cuts contact, and blocks you. As a result, despite her not having shown you any indication of harassment or stalkerish behaviour, you ignore her wishes and make contact, and threaten to contact the police if she tries to contact you. It seems a tad extreme.
Hi abraxus,

Thanks for the feedback. Regarding the part you mentioned above, actually if you re-read my post you'll find that I said, "I changed my number and my email to avoid any contact with her." I was the one who actually blocked her. I changed my number. I changed my email. The fact that she still initiated unwanted contact with me by sending a letter to my home address is stalking. I don't think it's a tad extreme if I contact the police if she tries to contact me again. Let's reverse the roles. What if a man pulled a stunt like that on a woman? That would be stalking. And yeah, you're right about the points you made concerning the "Alpha" male. To be honest, I was confident, in control, and she was chasing me at the beginning last year. I noticed I was changing throughout the 9 months I was communicating with her. I was slowly becoming "her". My confident was shot. I was second guessing myself. I was literally telling her "I need her". She broke me down. I fell for her trap. I'm calling it how I see it. She has a ton of mental issues. I'm not playing Devil's Advocate. If a person has BPD, they have BPD. She was never diagnosed with it, but I see all the signs of her possibly having it. To sum it all up. I allowed her to turn the tables on me. I was the Alpha male in control at the beginning and at the end she was the Alpha female in control. I lost. That's cool though. I learned my lesson. I'm never going anywhere near a female with mental issues. I'm definitely never getting married again.
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2017, 09:27:45 AM »

Hello everyone,

I'm not going to lie. I humiliated myself. I was desperate. I changed who I was to be with this person. I let this person change who I was. I  even went against my values to be with this person. I turned into a Beta male while communicating with her. I embarrassed myself countless times. I became emotional. I turned into a sucker. A pansy. To be blunt, I turned into a pxxxx. I allowed her to reverse the roles. She pulled a "Boomerang" (film) on me. She pulled a "Basic Instinct" on me. I was becoming her. She mentioned she's into BDSM. I was never into it. After communicating with her I slowly started getting into it (via phone only). I was slowly becoming her. I never liked BDSM and still don't. It's not my thing. Everything she told me she used to do with men in the past and how she would smother them, I was doing the same thing to her. I became her. I used to always tell her she was "my drug". The highs were great. The lows were worse. The makeups/breakups were a rush to me. One minute I would be on top of the world. The next minute I would be miserable. I'm a very blunt person. I was biting my tongue all the time and changing my personality just so she wouldn't get offended due to her self-proclaimed "hypersensitivity". I wasn't "me" anymore. I was her. I used to tell her I was the Joker and she was my Harley Quinn. I lost all self respect for myself when I was communicating with her. I was constantly checking my phone to see if she texted. I had the phone on me all the time waiting for her to text me. I was going crazy. She changed my attitude. I was always worried. I was always anxious. This is the person that said I was their "soulmate" and that I'm the only person she "bore her soul" to and that she never did that with anyone else. She was a nightmare. I never want to go through that again.
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abraxus
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« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2017, 10:48:36 AM »

Hi abraxus,

Thanks for the feedback. Regarding the part you mentioned above, actually if you re-read my post you'll find that I said, "I changed my number and my email to avoid any contact with her." I was the one who actually blocked her. I changed my number. I changed my email. The fact that she still initiated unwanted contact with me by sending a letter to my home address is stalking. I don't think it's a tad extreme if I contact the police if she tries to contact me again. Let's reverse the roles. What if a man pulled a stunt like that on a woman? That would be stalking. And yeah, you're right about the points you made concerning the "Alpha" male. To be honest, I was confident, in control, and she was chasing me at the beginning last year. I noticed I was changing throughout the 9 months I was communicating with her. I was slowly becoming "her". My confident was shot. I was second guessing myself. I was literally telling her "I need her". She broke me down. I fell for her trap. I'm calling it how I see it. She has a ton of mental issues. I'm not playing Devil's Advocate. If a person has BPD, they have BPD. She was never diagnosed with it, but I see all the signs of her possibly having it. To sum it all up. I allowed her to turn the tables on me. I was the Alpha male in control at the beginning and at the end she was the Alpha female in control. I lost. That's cool though. I learned my lesson. I'm never going anywhere near a female with mental issues. I'm definitely never getting married again.

My bad Samurai, I was referring to the last break up, where you said she blocked you. Either way, I still think treating a letter as stalking is a little harsh, but hey, that's your call.

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself though. Treat it as a valuable lesson learnt. These kinds of women can be tough to handle, as they will find your weaknesses, so think of it as a learning experience. Sometimes, being confident means that you get complacent and a little blind to your weak spots, so consider it a benefit that she highlighted them, and you know what to look for now.

I wouldn't let it put you off though, as once you understand how they work they're not so bad, and can be a lot of fun. The only difference I've found is they just need a bit of firmer handling. The problem is that people tend to panic when they get all difficult, and start being overly nice, which is not only the kiss of death, but where you start to spiral downwards. That's probably why they end up with so many partners, not so much because of promiscuity, but because few can handle them, and so they run. Instead, they bounce back and forth, from bad guy guy, to nice guy, trying to find that perfect balance of both. To be, honest you're less likely to fail by being more of a dick than a nice guy as, whilst they might try to rebel, they'll still respect you, which is the key to it really.

Like I said, they often want an "alpha" but, unlike most women, you have to keep it up and never let your guard drop. In time, the more she sees that you're the one in control, especially of your own life and emotions, the more she'll start to calm down and be more stable.

Even the most confident can be taken off guard when they face it for the first time, but that's only because it's new and you're not used to it. So, try not to see it as a trap, as it suggests deliberate manipulation on her part, which really isn't the case. She's just looking for stability and security, and will subconsciously test very hard for that. Think of it like buying a car, you'll have a look around and see if anything falls apart, but she'll just shake things harder.

The easiest way I've tried to see it, is to picture your life like a journey, where you set the route and the destination, and that you're inviting her along for the ride. Don't let her divert you, not even in the slightest as, no matter what she may say, she wants to be the passenger and not the driver.
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #12 on: June 08, 2017, 12:42:21 PM »

Update: It's been a while since I've posted on here. Long story short, we got married and divorced in 49 days. I divorced her. I could tell she was displaying the same exact patterns as before the marriage. I'm filled with so much hate and anger over this and I can tell that feeling is never going to leave me.
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LastSamurai

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« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2017, 08:17:39 AM »

Reading all of these stories of the man's actions during and after the relationship makes me cringe. I'm not saying all men are Alpha, but I do believe all men should be or at least try to be. It seems as though before the relationship with a BPD the man was cool, calm, and collected. Then as soon as "Harley Quinn" got a hold of him he turned Beta.

From the incessant texting, long-winded emailing, frequent phone calls, and journal long posts on forums. The guy just looks desperate and pathetic. It's humiliating. But I get it. I used to be that guy. That's what lead me to this forum.

Learn from this tough lesson and move on.
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« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2017, 09:34:53 AM »

Update: It's been a while since I've posted on here. Long story short, we got married and divorced in 49 days. I divorced her. I could tell she was displaying the same exact patterns as before the marriage. I'm filled with so much hate and anger over this and I can tell that feeling is never going to leave me.

So what happened? Last we heard, you never met her face to face. What transpired?
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SuperJew82
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« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2017, 09:59:53 AM »

I'm not sure where to start on this one. Have you had relationships before in the past? How have they developed?
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